Not sure if this is the right section.

I'm half Asian and half caucasian. White mum.
I grew up in a small town where I was about the only non white kid at school. And so I got the brunt of any racism. Though generally I was treated pretty well

I feel "white" on the inside. I don't speak another language. We don't practice any Asian cultural traditions etc.
And so at times I have resented not looking white on the outside as well.
While I know I can't change how I look. I'm wondering

I'm attracted to Asian and also white girls. But when I'm in a relationship with an Asian girl I always wonder about in the long term would I want my children to be Asian looking. Is it wrong to think like this? In a primarily white society there is still racism. Studies have shown Foreign surnames are discriminated against. Asian males are generally considered unnatractive

Where was this small town, and where do you get the idea that Asian men are not considered attractive?
Not from your parents, I hope. I mean I hope your mother never gave you the idea that your dad was unattractive.
And foreign names? Good grief, most people aren't Smith or Jones and have some name that kids tease about.
I'm white and have a lot of nieces and nephews who are half Asian and to me they are the most beautiful kids in the whole extended family.
Anyway, sure it's normal to have certain biases about race and nationality, as long as you examine them within yourself and work on what they might be doing to hurt you and others. Or just denying a good person who enters your life, for no good reason. Just try to find out why and think about what you can do about them. I'll bet when you fall in love you won't care one bit about what skin color your children will have.
I think mixed races are often just gorgeous, like Tiger Woods, Asian mother, black father. Think of yourself as a contributor to the melting pot of the entire planet. It amazes me that the races developed in a mere 70,000 years. Someday if we haven't destroyed ourselves and the planet we may be all one race again.

There is only one race, the human race. Humans come in a variety of colors, and characteristics. I understand what you are saying though, but I see it like this, you can believe the bad stuff people say or do, for whatever reason, or you can believe the good you see for yourself.

There is only one race, but for all the diversity, it comes down to the ones that do good, or the ones that do bad, and you get to choose the kind of human you want to be. Choose wisely, as did your parents.

There is rascism in EVERY ethnic group out there... including asians. Its not just a "White" thing.

Don't assume rascism has anything to do with someone finding you unatractive. THere are unatractive people of every age, gender and ethnic group on the planet. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone doesn't like you it doesn't HAVE to do with rascism either... everyone doesn't fit in every group there is... and again... that is a colorblind issue.

Here is something my parents taught me at an early age... if you look for fault in everyone you meet....you WILL find it.

Its in everyone.

Wow, it sounds like you are racist against yourself. Maybe you need to look into that:confused:
I have never considered anyone not attractive because of their race. Mostly it is because of their personality:)

I would have a couple of questions here. One, where you're at. And two, what kind of Asian? Not that it really matters what kind of Asian -- but I was just going to comment, from a female perspective on who I do or do not find attractive. It's (unfortunately) become taboo to call someone "Oriental," but that is a completely different look than, say, Indian. Personally, I find Oriental men quite attractive. :)

But back to the important part -- where you're from. What is considered "foreign"? A foreign name? Well, that depends on where you are. I'm in the U.S. Here, what the heck is a non-foreign name anyway? Everything here is foreign. Although, we tend to look at "foreign" as being anything hard to pronounce. Really, long name, don't know how to pronounce it, it's "foreign." Never mind that we came from everywhere. I also know quite a few people who "look" foreign, when they're not, and English is their first language and they have no accent, cause they were brought up here, even if they happen to be of oh, Chinese decent.

Racism exists everywhere. However, I do know around here no one would give much of a hoot about your "mixed" background, nor your looks, nor your name. I would like to be able to ask you openly and honestly about your name and your looks, without you thinking I'm being racist. Because it is mere curiosity, and I'm fascinated by different things. I enjoy talking openly about such things, and don't want to always be walking on thin ice when I want to bring such topics up.

I see Just Dahlia's point - you have an issue with yourself. I certainly don't have an issue with you. I don't care what you look like or whether your name "matches" or about your parents. I find it "interesting," but it makes no matter to me in the long run.

Although, I do think it's normal to think about such things. I don't think it's "wrong" for you to think about what your kids would look like. I think it's natural. And you need to be honest with yourself. If you live in a place where this is problem, I can see what you're leary about. Maybe you should move where people don't care. :-)

(You don't have to say where you live, but I admit to being curious about it.)

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Don't assume rascism has anything to do with someone finding you unatractive.

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Living in a western society i.e.. "white" people are predisposed to finding other white people attractive. See below.

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and where do you get the idea that Asian men are not considered attractive?

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http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/

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There is only one race, the human race. Humans come in a variety of colors, and characteristics. I understand what you are saying though, but I see it like this, you can believe the bad stuff people say or do, for whatever reason, or you can believe the good you see for yourself.

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Its nice to think that if people are so small minded that they will dismiss you on race then they're not the kind of people you should associate with anyway. But if you have the choice would you prefer to have to deal with this?

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One, where you're at. And two, what kind of Asian?

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In one of the former british colonies in oceania. Chinese.

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I find it "interesting," but it makes no matter to me in the long run.

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Generally this is the attitude of most people towards me. They'll ask what's my background etc. which I don't mind.

Occasionally though ill be told to go back to where I came from etc
Especially ironic if they're a more recent immigrant than me. Want to yell back that my grandfather and greatgrandfathers served for my country in WWI and WWII.

I've tried to be comfortable with who I am and I understand I'm not completely comfortable with who I am yet.

Does it mean that I'm finding excuses for not wanting to commit? And when I find my future partner this won't be an issue? Or are my views a sign that I need to understand myself?

White people aren't necessarily predisposed to NOT date an Asian any more than your average Asian is discouraged from dating someone outside their ethnic group... and you can extrapolate that to other ethnic groups as well. Speaking mostly of the more recent immigrants where the parents came here or when the kids themselves were born overseas. Ethnic Vietnamese and those from Laos are particularly strong in that belief. So are Indians, Afghans, and Iranians. Sure there are exceptions... there always is.

When you are second or third generation Americans that mindset does ease up a lot.

I base that upon my own observations of immigrants that I actually know or have known. Yes its unscientific.. but we discussed it and they were being honest.

And this is from the perspective of a white man of North European descent who grew up in an area that was overwhelmingly a single ethnic group (my own).

I always found women of certain ethnic groups highly enticing, but rarely got a chance to date any for any number of reasons.

Being comfortable with yourself is the key to everything. If someone isn't interested in you its easy to find excuses... most of which may be wrong. You can't automatically assume its race... it may simply be there is something about you they don't like. Negativity has a way of showing through in how you act and present yourself, even if you choose your words carefully... and people pick up on that.

Its something I myself had to learn growing up... self confidence is an attractive quality to others... understand that self confidence is NOT arrogance... understand the differences between those two.

There is also the possibility that there ARE women that are interested in you but you aren't seeing the signs they are giving off. Reading body language isn't easy. Trust me there... I was guilty of not seeing the many subtle signals the more discrete women gave me growing up... only seeing the ones that were more blatantly obvious in my younger years. Finding out decades later at a high school reunion when chatting they mentioned they wished I responded to their signals... that I never recognised at the time. Yeah I happen to be one of those people that have aged the best in my Graduating class over the last 30 years since then... but my wife was standing there right next to me as well. And they were with their husbands in some of the cases.

Women (or Men in the reverse situation) who only care about superficial beauty are not the kind you want anyway.

You may not be looking for excuses to not commit. You just haven't met the right woman yet. When you do... committing will seem like the right and natural thing to do. You won't have to force it. Trust me... I didn't ever CONSIDER marrying most of the women I dated... until I met my wife.

Thanks all for your replies,

I think I trust the statistics more. In a western country all races are predisposed to western ideals and caucasian features.
(I'm not complaining that I can't get a date or that sort of thing, I'm often pleasantly surprised)

I agree that confidence seems to be a key quality.

You and others mentioned, it will seem "natural" when it is right. I'm someone who isn't very decisive (yes I know I need to work on myself confidence too) so does this apply to me too?

Forget the statistics, have faith in your being a good human and you will find other good humans who accept you. What you are doing really is being prejudiced in your thinking, and fitting things in a neat category based on painting a broad brush over people defined by race and location.

That's a good way to miss some people of quality character, right under your nose.

Yeah, I would say have enough confidence in yourself, and others also, until they prove they don't deserve it so don't waste time on them, and try not to judge.

The minute you think you are better than anyone, for any reason, 10 more will show up and think they are better than you.

" But for the grace of God go I" comes to mind. Translated, Be glad you aren't as screwed up as the next guy, and don't find out that you are.

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Originally Posted by LudwigVan

Thanks all for your replies,

I think i trust the statistics more. In a western country all races are predisposed to western ideals and caucasian features.
(I'm not complaining that i can't get a date or that sort of thing, im often pleasantly surprised)

I agree that confidence seems to be a key quality.

You and others mentioned, it will seem "natural" when it is right. I'm someone who isn't very decisive (yes i know i need to work on my self confidence too) so does this apply to me too?

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You are a product of where you happened to live. It is only natural that you would wonder what sort of reception you may or may not receive. Yes, it is definitely a factor of your own sense of self.

It will be natural when it is right. If someone is attracted to you, they would most likely see your physical appearance first so they obviously would not have an issue with your heritage. For those people for whom it would be a problem, they won't take much notice of you in the first place, nor would you want them to.

I agree with talaniman, forget the stats... you are reading too much into them.

I can give you several personal experiences that shoot those stats right out of the water!

My brother is married to a Japanese woman, one of my stepdaughters is with a black man, one of my daughters is also with a black man, and one of my cousins is married to an Irainian man.

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Originally Posted by LudwigVan

I'm half Asian and half caucasian. White mum.... studies have shown Foreign surnames are discriminated against. Asian males are generally considered unnatractive

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Hello L:

I can't cite studies.. All I know is my own heart... I think Eurasian women are the MOST exotic creatures on this green earth. That's just me. Now, you got to find my opposite..

excon

I live in the Chicago area. I see people who are the fairest Nordic types to the darkest African or Indian or South American types -- many beautiful women and handsome men and cute children, but the most beautiful and interesting-looking people of all are the Asians.

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Originally Posted by LudwigVan

Thanks all for your replies,

I think i trust the statistics more. In a western country all races are predisposed to western ideals and caucasian features.
(I'm not complaining that i can't get a date or that sort of thing, im often pleasantly surprised)

I agree that confidence seems to be a key quality.

You and others mentioned, it will seem "natural" when it is right. I'm someone who isn't very decisive (yes i know i need to work on my self confidence too) so does this apply to me too?

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Yes it applies to you as well... when you meet that right person... you are going to know it. And trust me... you don't want to just "settle" for just anyone. If its right... its right... otherwise keep looking. Its really hard to explain perfectly... but when you find the right woman, its going to feel natural to commit. I was commitment phobic until I met my wife... I had a number of girlfriends that wanted engaged or married over the years... but it NEVER felt right with them... then not after I met my wife and dated her for 3 years (to be sure we REALLY knew each other)... that seemed like a natural progression.