I'm seeing a guy that I have known for four years. We were just friends up until June of this year, because either one or both of us had been in committed relationships the entire time before that. He lives in Boston, and I currently live in Tampa - but I spent the summer staying with a friend in Boston, which is how we reconnected. He had already been seeing a girl casually for about a month before, and I was fully aware of this, and okay with it, when I started dating him. I am moving back to Boston for work in three weeks, but I've been back home for about a month and a half. We talk every day, multiple times per day, and we have nearly everything in common. He is EXACTLY the man that I have been looking for, and it's the same reversed. But - the girl that he started seeing first still has priority over me. He wants to see how things play out with her... I can respect this, but it also drives me crazy, because he'll say that he's going to end it with her because she's doing things that he wouldn't be able to deal with in a relationship - and then he'll spend a day with her and change his mind or chicken out. Our mutual friends think that he's simply biding his time until I get back up there, but I'm not so sure about it. The only thing that I do know is that he is not particularly patient when it comes to being committed to someone - if he likes someone, he wants to commit to one person. This other girl... is exactly the opposite. At this point, he has been seeing her for nearly six months and she still outright refuses to make any sort of commitment. My view on it is that if he really wanted to be with me, and with the way that he is, he would have kicked her to the curb. Any input would be really great.

So he's impatient about commitment but not with you? Sounds like he wants her more, not that he's such a commitment kind of guy. Tell him that you plan to explore other options, cut way back on your communication with him (you aren't his comfort buddy while he tries to get someone else!), and really do start looking around, even if it's not what you feel like doing. That leaves the door open, since you do feel that you are compatible. If he comes back in x months, decide then if you still want him. And don't take him back too easily. He might go off on some other unobtainable pursuit again.

Open your eyes - If he seriously wanted to be with you, then he wouldn't be with her... he'd just anxiously be awaiting your arrival back in Boston.

You sound like you care a lot for him, but don't let him keep you dangling.

Sounds like you're the backup plan. Is that what you want to be?

You got it right. You are not the leader of his pack. Don't worry, he will get around to you eventually, but only if this other relationship fails. But even then I wouldn't get my hopes up. Even if he starts seeing you, I guarantee there will be others warming up in the bullpen. Don't waste your time on a man that believes there's no reason to buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free.

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My view on it is that if he really wanted to be with me, and with the way that he is, he would have kicked her to the curb. Any input would be really great.

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I think people can date whomever they want as long as they are honest, and I am not sure he is completely, but I am sure that you are more deeply invested emotionally than he is, and that's your problem to cope with, not his. Dating is one thing, commitment to an exclusive relationship is another. You need to back up to a safer distance, and read my rules,

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that’s only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule- If one person isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule- Get your own partner and leave the other peoples partners alone.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

Talaniman Rule-Love yourself enough to never allow any one to treat you badly. If they do, LEAVE.

Talaniman Rule- When you see a brick wall, don't go head first into it, and expect to get on the other side.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so wrapped up with wanting something, when you know you can't have it.

Talaniman Rule - If they can't treat you like you want to be treated, don't mess around with them.

Talaniman Rule- When you allow bad behavior, you will get it.

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger’s basket. Save some for your own basket.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

You are too available as an option. Back away and explore YOUR own options, NOT his.

**UPDATE**

The closer my moving date got, the closer he and I got. He broke it off with the other girl not long after I posted this. He says that the reason he stayed with it so long was to be absolutely sure of what he wanted. This makes sense. We are still seeing each other, but - as you said, I still felt like I was more emotionally involved, so I decided that I want to wait and see what he does before I make any sort of commitment. Thanks for your imput, though, guys - it was really appreciated.