Hi
My husband has accused me of being with someone else when I was drunk, it took him nearly a year later to say anything to me, we are still together, it has caused a lot of arguments and hurtful things were said together we have four children,The thing is I know he is lying because I remember coming home that night, and he was with me. But for some reason he just won't back down from this, it has caused an awful strain on my marriage, and now I feel I can't trust him anymore because he has lied to me. I am so unhappy in my marriage, All I done that night was dance with a guy, and he started all of this.

There's 2 totally different ways to deal with a he said/she said.
One is to find out the truth. Gather 3 friends who were there and saw you and ask them what they remember, and sort it all out in front of your husband.
The other is the typical therapeutic approach: sit down with him at a quiet time when kids are asleep and you aren't angry with each other, and ask him what he wants you to do, what's really wrong, what can you solve together. No accusations, no denials, no recriminations, no raised voice. You will have to swallow your pride while you do this, wanting to continue to insist you didn't do anything but dance. But that isn't the point while you are trying to get to the heart of the matter, trying to save the marriage and the family and any love that is lurking under the surface. Tell him you love him.
Also: you don't 'know he is lying.' You remember coming home with him, big deal. That drunken dance could have been partly in a dark corner with you sitting on a counter and the guy smashed up against you, and it might have been sex and it might have looked a heck of a lot like sex, and it's possible no one may ever know if intercourse happened or not. So.. a little forgiveness is in order.

If I would have tried that with my wife a year later, she would have me sleeping on the porch, and eating burnt toast for dinner, until I got over myself.

If dancing with someone, drunk or not was cheating, (or dirty or not) then we would both be guilty, but to harbor bad feelings for a year?? That's a bit much for someone that's married, don't you think?

Wander what's really going on, and why you are not finding out? Could he be setting you up for something he has/ is doing? I don't know. You better find out.

Or is getting drunk, and dirty dance what you always do??

Good point Talaniman--he may very well be setting her up for a confession of his own.

This situation suspect: The reason you believe your husband is lying is because you went home with him. He didn’t claim that you went home with another man he claims had sex with him.

What is giving your husband this belief that you had sex with this person? In this drunkenness could you have moved off to an area with this guy? Was your husband drunk at this time as well?

Step one: Stop drinking to the point where you can’t recall the events of that day.

Step two: You two need marriage counseling. You have to work on this issue recognize his issue and validate it. The denying of the situation is just doing more damage. Next time this topic brought up you tell him that you’re sorry that HE feels that way and IF I did sex with someone you apologize for that. The beauty of this you still remain innocent. Ask him for his forgiveness and if he is unable to forgive you?

Then you can move forward from there.

I have some questions to get a clearer picture of what is going on:

How was your marriage before this accusation?

How drunk was he? Could he have been drunk enough to have a false memory of that night or could his memory be affected by someone else? Is your husband the one who witnessed what happened or was he told by someone else?

How much did you have to drink? How much of that night do you actually remember?

Has anything happened recently that brought this up or did he just accuse you of being unfaithful out of the blue?

Is he accusing you of having sexual contact/intercourse or making out? I have seen 'being with someone else' used to cover a wide range of behaviors and actions with the severity being in the perception of the spouse.

Where did this infidelity supposedly take place? Was it at a club or a party at a private residence? I ask because the possibility of finding witnesses changes with the venue.

Is this 'other man' supposed to be an acquaintance or a stranger? An acquaintance you could ask if something happened that you don't remember or remember differently from your husband.

Agree with Tal..

Maybe he's been drunk (or both have) the whole time.
Drunk with denial.

"it took him nearly a year later to say anything to me"

That's just twisted. He obviously is delusional, but has motives. To use that as some weird play.
Hes either not happy & too messed up or inacapable to communicate, or he's the one that's guilty and hiding.

Whatever, if you can't get to the bottom of this. And resolve it (sober)
Then, figure out some route out of this.

What? Are you going to wait another year until he says why he's mad at you? For no reason?

That's just proloning pain.

Good relationships are built on communication & trust. Mutually.