First let me say I have been married for 8 years, but have been with my husband for 13 years. Just recently I spent a couple of hours with another man, and we did kiss. I feel horrible, I never thought I would step outside our marriage. The guilt has been eating me up. I did tell my husband about the incident, because I felt so guilty. But what makes it worse I didn't tell him who with, because he knows this person, and to make it worse it is my sister's ex boyfriend, she is married now for 4 years, but her and her ex boyfriend were together for 6 years. I love my husband and want our marriage to work, I have not and will not see this other man again, I was under the influence of alcohol, which I know is no excuse though. I feel like I've betrayed my sister also, and I don't want to tell her, because I love her very much!! I feel like a piece of crap, has anyone ever been through any thing like this, and how do you over come your guilt??

A little more information would be helpful.

For instance, you spending a couple of hours with this other man- how did that come about. Have the two of you been in contact, via email/text/phone etc. prior to meeting up? Where did you meet, and why. Was it just happinstance, you ran into him in the mall and had a long lunch in the food court, or did you make arrangements to meet.

What led up to this encounter, will provide information that will result in better answers.

Well, the night I was drinking, I actually called him, and he picked me up, and we went to his place. He would flirt with me whenever I would see him out every now and then. And I guess I liked the attention.

I have told my husband before I wish he would show me a little more attention, which I know is no excuse to do what I did. But I just kind of felt like roommates, instead of a married couple.

So really you set it up? Maybe it was not your intention to let it get as far as it did,or maybe you thought you would not feel as bad,but its done and you can't take it back.

I'm not going to bash it over your head,you have told your husband and your in enough pain.

I suggest marriage councilling for both you and your husband,he must be terribly hurt and no doubt it will be a long road back to a trusting relationship.

Overcoming the problems in your marriage is the first step,get the help you both need and the tools to communicate.

Your low self esteem did not come from your husband not giving you enough attention,it came from a combination of things,perhaps that is worth a closer look at.

As I said I'm not going to bash you over the head for cheating,but instead of trying to relieve your guilt,work on your marriage and the problems that are there.

Thank You for your advice.

Well, you called this guy, 'out of the blue', he picked you up and took you to his place. I presume this wasn't a shock, even with the booze. I'm still not sure if you are being honest with contact with him or not. Seems odd that this just happened without prior communication, and before you made that call.

Whatever you have done, is not worthy of being in the doghouse for the rest of your life, nor is it something that cannot be worked out with your husband, and with or without counselling. I urge you to try your hardest to be honest no matter how you decide to resolve this.

The key here, is honesty. You don't need to explain yourself on an anonymous forum in any more detail than you choose to.

All I am trying to say to you is, if you are ruly remorseful, and you have broken off completely, from any and all contact with this other man, and you wish to repair the damage you have done to your marriage, then you need to focus on that. Accept what you have done, and now work to fix it. You cannot undue that which has been done.

The guilt is the acceptance part, and the consequence part, of what you have done. Time to move past that, presuming that you have relinquished all contact and communication with this other man.

As to your sister, I think it would be a good idea to tell her also. I would guess that, her ex had been her ex for some years, in fact, she remarried. She may not think too highly of you more for what you have done, rather than who you did it with. Allow her some time to digest this, and she will realize that you truly made a one time mistake.

I say this because it is likely that you will cross paths with this man again. Maybe a family function, a wedding, a funeral etc. To keep this information a secret from your sister, will not only keep the guilt a hold on you whenever you see her, but she will likely find out anyway, even if its 10 years down the line. Then it will be a secret you have kept for a long time, and she may feel betrayed. I think I would, but you know her better than anyone.

I'm not sure whether you should tell your husband, for all the same reasons you should consider telling your sister. If he carries on thinking it was an anonymous man that he had no history with, and then finds out differently, it may very well open the whole thing up again, because he will then see it all in a different context, and likely also be resentful for not knowing who the man was.

All the more reason to get into counselling, and, by being completely honest, you can begin to heal the wounds. Not bandaids, but a full blown healing, and that will only happen when you put all the cards on the table, and deal with the issues.

I really wish you the best of luck with this. I do believe that you are remorseful, and you are hurting very much right now. Because of the way you feel (not justifying it with excuses, and telling your husband), you have such a good shot at turning this corner, and getting back on track with your marriage.

All the best of luck to you.

Thank You so much for your input, I really am remorseful, I know from this bad choice I made, I will never do it again, because it hurts too much! Thank You again!