Me and my boyfriend broke up for about 1.5 months ago after a year, and he still wants to be friends with me and I accept that! But he ask me so often: "do you see other men?" and: "have you kissed with other men or "other things?" (AFTER THE BROKE UP)
I really don't know why he ask me about that! Because he said to me once, that he didn't have feelings for me anymore and only saw me as a friend... but why does he ask me about this?
I really want him back, I miss him so much, but it's okay, that he only wants to be friends, but I don't know how to be friends with him, when I act like that?
What should I answer him, when he ask me about those questions?
And why does he ask me about it?

How do I get him back??

(I'm sorry that the english not is so good, but I'm a dane, so that's why! )

Do he want me back, maybe?

I think the best thing you could do is stop talking to him at all.
It is not going to help you get over him and that is what you need to do.

He says he wants to be friends , but that usually turns into you being
A sex toy while he is in between girls, or he will use you to have a place to
Stay , or cheat on his current girl.

That is why he is concerned about you finding a good man,
It will destroy his plot to "enslave "you.
This sounds harsh, and does not give him the benefit of any doubt.
But I have seen this pattern so many times, and so many people get hurt by it,
I can 't help but be judgmental on this.

I suggest you cut off all communication with him.
No calls, letters, texts, Facebook, notes,. nothing.
It is not easy, but will be a great step for you to get over him, start to heal, and
Work on helping yourself find someone who cares for you.

You can find help here to do whatever you need to do.
That you can count on.

I wish you well.

You're never going to get over him unless you break off the "friend" thing with him, go no contact, and start living your life without him in it.

If he wanted you back he would simply make a move to get you back, but I think he's just snooping. Just tell him your personal life is none of his business and move on.

hejsmukke : But do you not think, that the reason why he ask me about all those things, is because he still loves me? The reason why be broke up was because we were together ALL the time! In the end we couldn't take it anymore... we had enough.
Why break up then if a solution to the issue could have been found thru talking honestly, and working together. The break up was his idea to spend time with you as a friend, but without obligation, or commitment other than as a friend. So his goal is to keep you around, and still be free to explore other options should they arise. If he indeed is looking around but keeping you close, he would simply spend less time with you, and not be as available to you as he is now. So why are you so available to him, is my question, and I already know its because you still have a big false hope that he will change his mind, and realize that the break up was a mistake on his part, and that he loves you, and wants to get back together. The truth is, he wants you available and will do whatever it takes for you not to move on, and let your interest for someone else NOT come between you. He doesn't want you enough to stay with you, BUT DOESN'T WANT ANY ONE ELSE TO HAVE YOU EITHER. Yes he is jealous, and still wants control of your heart, which so far you have allowed it to him.
hejsmukke : I thought it was because he was jealous and maybe realized, that he couldn't without me... The reason why he ask me those questions is because I have this friend... and he found out that he had been home with me (just as friend)?
That should be enough evidence that his jealousy is what is driving his attention, and questions so he can make sure he can influence your decisions about who you spend YOUR time with, and how. Surely you can see he does this out of jealousy, NOT love and caring because his real motives are to keep you close, in case he doesn't find what he is looking for, a better romantic partner. No way can you see this as love and caring because its NOT!!!
hejsmukke : and then he starts asking me those questions and I don't know why. I miss him so bad, but I don't show it to him...
He asks them because his great fear is that you slip away, and find someone else before he has done so himself, and thats the part you seem not to see, his true motives in the break up, and this so-called friendship line. Thats all it is, just a bull crap line to keep you from breaking his influence and healing from the break up, and moving on to find happiness without him. No thats not a show of love either, so why take it as such? Truth be told, he influences you too much, and see his actions and questions as him wanting you back, when thats not the case at all. Maybe he is deluded, but his words and actions don't match. False hope, and your own secret wish is what keeps you available to him and his influence, to the detriment of your healing, and being able to see facts and not his fiction, or your hopes.

That's why for your own sake, and not his, be much less available to him ,and his confusing misleading questions, because they are no longer his business, or his privilege to be so close to your broken heart. After all, he is the one that broke it in the first place by dumping you without any fair warning of being unsatisfied, and that unwillingness to work with you, to try and resolve the issues together through honest communications, is the reason you should be unavailable to him feeding you false hope.

That's what cutting contact is about, because then the confusion and false hope, will fade, and be replaced by clarity of thought, and the reality of the situation, and you can make better decisions for yourself based on facts, and NOT just feelings, that his influence, and presence keeps stirred up, making it mighty hard for you to accept the fact he has dumped you, and demoted you to the so called friend zone.

Put healing for yourself as a higher priority, than his friendship, is what you need to do right now, and break his influence on that healing so you can see what's real, and what's NOT. His love is not real, just subtle manipulation of your emotions for him.

Okay from one dane to another dane. He is the one to ended the relationship. He has no right to ask to you anything personal. Next he ask if you are seeing anyone or kissing anyone just simply reply Skrue Adjektiv!! He is only keeping his options open. If things don't work out for him then he can use you for a bootie call. No one deserves to be used, move on to a man that will appreciate you. A real man will not only show what real love is but he will also show what commitment is. Good luck

I agree with all the others. Wipe the dust off and get down from the shelf he has put you on, just for safe keeping, and move on, without him!

Auuwh! :(
All right, thank you guys!

What about this situation this night?
He wrote to me 01:30 o'clock at night: Katy?
And I slept, so I didn't answer before the next morning... I just wrote back: "Yes?"
And then he just said: Nothing.

It was like he had thought of something that night, but then I did not answered, and maybe he regretted what he wanted to say after having slept?
What is it with him?

Btw I am not available to him! I NEVER writes to him or anything!
The first 3 weeks after the break up I did all those "no-no" things, like saying to him, that I missed him and wanted him back.
But now when I don't do those things anymore, he is so desperate what I'm doing!

I thought it was because he had realized that I have a life without him and realized that he had lost me.
So he wanted me back but just says it to me on a very strange way?
Actually he think that I am dating this friend I wrote about before... and since then he have wrote to me allmost every day?
So maybe he want tell me how he feel because of that guy?

Are you guys sure that he don't want me back?

When he wantd to have a relationship the first time with you, didn't he let you know. Wasn't he there doing the chasing, asking you out, etc. He let you know right upfront that he was interested and wanted you, no misleading making you question it. A man knows what he wants and will let you know without having to play games.
Now the question is how long are you going to allow him to play with your feelings.

Quote:

---

BTW I am not available to him! I NEVER writes to him or anything!

---

But you reply and answer his questions. That is being available to him, and his jealousy or fear of you dating another is but a way for him to keep you close, confused and hooked to him, but with no commitments.

He loves you chasing him and begging to come back, but he never took you back did he? Even if he is interested he has a very unhealthy way of showing it, because if he cared he could stop this confusion and pain by just being honest and truthful, right?

He hasn't done that either. But what he has done is keep you wanting him. That's why cutting all contact with him and getting beyond your feelings so you can see the FACTS, is YOUR best course of action, or sit in confusion, and misery.

How old are you both??

Well, okay... Thanks.
But IF I wanted him back, what should I do?
Give him space?
And maybe make him jalous? I am going to a party on Saturday, and he is coming.. so maybe make him jalous to the party?

He also wanted to be together with me last Saturday??

I thought the problem was, that he don't think that I'm interested anymore - because he thinks I'm dating my friend.
And when he writes to me, I answer very, hm. Like I didn't care about he writes to me/or very friendly - like we where friends!
And he hates that... We are both 17 years old... And I think it's very important to say, that we where together for a year

We are both 17 years old...

Maybe you need to stop writing and start talking face to face. Tell him how you feel and remember to let him tell you how he feels.
Most importantly stop all the game playing, trying to make him jealous, stop guessing if he wants to be with you or not. Once you talk face to face then you should know the answers to your questions. Good luck

Yes, I agree not to play games like making him jealous. You are young and inexperienced. These situations are how you learn and grow.

Be honest with him. You can ask him straight up.

If his answer is not plain and clear, then you know what you have to do. Learn to listen to your instincts.

My advice is to just let him be and get out there and be young and have fun meeting new people. Put time and space between you. A year is a long time. At your age you should be enjoying yourself meeting lots of people.

Good luck

I'm so confused now! Please help me guys :(

My ex starts to get very arrogante and angry at me... and I have not did any thing wrong?
Last week I told him, that I missed him like hell... he was very sad when I wrote all those things to him and he ended the convesesions* (after an hour) with saying to me, that he wanted to be together with me on Saturday.. just as friends, (he said).. and that became and agreement... but I dumped him.. because I wasn't ready to be together just as friends... first he was taking it cool... and the following days he asked me, if I was dating one... and so one.. to day he was very angry at me... and I asked him what was wrong.. he said that he was so mad at me... because I didn't came home to him last Saturday.. I just don't understand why he first become angry now? He said to me, that he had lost so much for me, and he was SO "cold" and he said that he don't wanted to hang out with me anymore... I said I'm sorry.. but it was okay, that he felt that.. I couldn't do anything about anyway...

10 minutes after I logged on MSN and he wrote to me: I hope it's okay.
And I just answered: it is :)
And he starts to ask me again if I was dating my friend.. and how things where between us...
He also asked me if I will be jalous, if he was kissing another woman or something like that..
I just lie, and said, that he could do what he wanted to do.. then he said, that he will not be jalous if were kissing another man.
I said to him : that could never happened! If you don't get just a LITTLE bit jalous, is it because you never loved me!
And then he said that he will not be jalous, but he wasn't sure.. and so on...

What now? :(

Stop playing this high school games with each other and leave each other alone to kiss who you want to. Your young, and only playing with each others feelings because you don't know how to let go, so you play games with each other. That's why young love is great because its all about feelings and nothing to do with reality, so waste time trying to make each other jealous and never really talk about anything helpful, or useful to you both.

Don't believe me, then look at the last month you have spent since the break up. What has been accomplished??

I just want to know if he might had regret that we broke up.. :( ?

Listen, I don't how much more advice you need. My best advice to look over Talaniman last post to you, That was straight up.
Bottom line is--We don't know if he regret breaking up--guessing is a game, try being realistic and simply ask him.

So... could I ask him if I can call him?? Or should I just write him?