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-   -   I don't get her (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=511215)

  • Sep 27, 2010, 12:18 AM
    toby2010
    I don't get her
    Ex broke up with me after 5 months relationship through arguing too much. When we broke up I kept texting her telling her how I feel and also wrote her a letter about not being able to trust her because she had cheated and never said sorry just said she felt bad. I still really do love her and she knows this and we have even met up to 'have some fun' but she made it clear no strings attatched, but now its asthough she is playing a game, she gets pleasure out of teling me when she spends time with other boys and says she still cares about me but I've annoyed her by apparently 'bombarding' her with messages and now she seems to not want to know about me so surely she does not care? I still love her but what is best I do? Not give up and keep in contact or just leave her and see if she still talks to me to show she maybe does care?
  • Sep 27, 2010, 01:32 AM
    ljdoshey8
    The key to get over somebody, is time, that's the only thing that will help you, could be a month could be a few years but one day you will get over your ex you just need to focus on something else and give yourself time.

    Also if she is playing games and messing you around like that, she is not worth your time no matter how much you love her, it takes 2 to tango.
  • Sep 27, 2010, 01:56 AM
    toby2010
    Yer I know I will get over her eventually but it proves treat them mean keep them keen maybe works because that's asthough what she did when we were together but from now on I think I've just got to leave her alone and if she does like me then she will get in contact I've done all I can now I give up so leave it to what she wants thank you for the answer
  • Sep 27, 2010, 02:31 AM
    ljdoshey8
    Yeaah I get what your saying,
    I think you should leave her alone, and if she really cares she will make the effort you know
  • Sep 27, 2010, 09:35 PM
    Jake2008
    So you went from a relationship, to a relationship that didn't work out because of cheating, and then moved onto a relationship of 'friends with benefits', and still communicate as a couple. All the while she is dating others, and you are left shaking your head, wondering what's up. This to you is love? This is not love, it isn't even a respectful friendship, and it isn't honest, healthy, or productive. As it stands now, where do you think it's going?

    My advice is to find your spine, and end it. No texts, no phone calls, no hooking up for sex, no subjecting yourself to conversations where she taunts you about being with other guys. No being the needy guy, waiting for her to throw a few crumbs your way. No more letting her decide whether you're in one day, and out the next. Just stop contact, and get on with your life.

    It's over.
  • Sep 27, 2010, 11:38 PM
    toby2010
    Hey thanks for the answer, she is not dating others but just mentions other guys to make me jealous and little things like putting more kisses on messages over Facebook on purpose. She kissed another guy and didn't have the decency to tell me instead one of her friends did and she said it wasn't her fault he came onto her which still makes no difference if they kssed and she is just becoming a bit of a joke she says she still cares but I think not.


    I know it because on fb when you write on someone's wall it leaves a thing on your page for everyone to see that you have written to that person. She will delete them usually but not if to a boy so that I can see she has. Maybe I just read into it.
  • Sep 27, 2010, 11:43 PM
    kaka67
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by toby2010 View Post
    but just mentions other guys to make me jealous and little things like putting more kisses on messages over facebook on purpose. she kissed another guy and didnt have the decency to tell me instead one of her friends did and she said it wasnt her fault he came onto her which still makes no difference if they kssed and she is just becoming a bit of a joke she says she still cares but i think not
    .

    How do you know all that?

    Has she told you she does it to make you jealous?

    If she has told you then leave her alone to play her games with some other chump.

    If she hasn't then stop making things up in your head to rationalise her bad behaviour towards you.

    Either way I'd walk away from this one. You both want different things and this is just too much time wasting drama for anyone. Start living your life for you not her. You'll be much happier and wonder what the hell did you see in her.
  • Sep 27, 2010, 11:55 PM
    toby2010
    Comment on kaka67's post
    I know it because on fb when you write on someone's wall it leaves a thing on your page for everyone to see that you have written to that person. She will delete them usually but not if to a boy so that I can see she has. Maybe I just read into it.
  • Sep 28, 2010, 09:02 AM
    answerme_tender

    Tody---you either put a stop to her playing with your feelings or you continue to allow her the power to mess with you. No one deserves to be jerked around. However if we give them that ability, then...
  • Sep 28, 2010, 10:42 AM
    toby2010
    Comment on answerme_tender's post
    Then..?
  • Sep 28, 2010, 11:41 AM
    talaniman
    toby2010 : then..?

    Stay off Facebook and stay out of her business and maybe YOU won't make YOURSELF jealous.
  • Sep 28, 2010, 11:46 AM
    toby2010
    Comment on talaniman's post
    She does it because she knows I look I can't help wanting to know what she's up to when I care about her even she says you never knpow what future holds we might get back together but I'm not keeping hope
  • Sep 28, 2010, 12:09 PM
    answerme_tender

    Then... Basically if your continue to allow her control then your asking for this drama in your life and not really wanting to resolve it.
  • Sep 28, 2010, 12:54 PM
    Cat1864

    Toby, I don't know what is in her mind. I don't know what happened between you. Doesn't matter now. What does is when you are going to give yourself permission to let the relationship go and get on with your life.

    She has told what she wants. She has made it very clear that she may care for and about you but she doesn't want to build a committed relationship with you. She wants her freedom to do what she wants her way. You seem to want the opposite. You want her to be there and accountable to you. She isn't.

    Let go of the ties that you are trying to bind her to you with. FaceBook profile, phone numbers, texting, email, Twitter (if you have it), etc. should all be deleted, blocked, ignored etc. See if your confusion ends when you stop allowing yourself to have false hopes and stop chasing her shadow.

    Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you know the other person has her own life to live and you do not belong in it. You let yourself heal and someday you will find someone who wants to build a relationship with you.

    She can't play games with you (if she is) if you aren't on the playground.

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