My daughter is 10 years old and has expressed many times that she wants to live with me ( mother) many times. She is unhappy in her household at the moment. Her father and I share joint custody but he has physical custody. I want to wait until she is old enough to make that decision on her own without causing issues and more problems.

The child can never make the decision until they turn 18. Its always up to the judge. In some courts a judge may listen to the child as far as testimony but not in making the actual decision.

Why was the father given physical custody? Not unusual but rare. Were other circumstances at play here?

If you want custody to change, petition the Court, have all parties evaluated by a professional and those recommendations will be given to a Judge who will use them to make a determination of what is in the best interest of the child.

I would venture a guess that a majority of children living with one parent would prefer to live with the other - because the grass is always greener and the non-custodial parent doesn't tell them to pick their laundry up off the floor.

To answer Judy.. I was 17 when I had my child and PLEASE don't throw judgements. I did the best I could for her. I ended up getting sick and had to give her up for her well-being. I am now 27 with my second child being 5 years old. They had had her for 8 years now. CPS has been called on her father and step mother four times in the last 3 years by their neighbors. My daughter has been very unhappy and does not get the treatment she deserves. I KNOW that I have no proof of any abuse nor do I take her side on everything that she says when she complains because I do listen to both sides and I am neutral because I do know that sometimes kids will say stuff out for attention that they lack and some kids lie. I want to wait until she is old enough to make the mature choice and be able to understand the actions she wants or doesn't want. I know that children can't make that choice but at least tell the judge what she wants. That is the reason why I am asking when is the PROPER age for a child to voice her opinion..

Please read comment above..

You can request a change of custody at any time. You show you can care for the child. That's all it takes. A qualified person interviews ALL parties and determines what is in the best interest of the child.

Why would you think anyone would "throw" a judgment? You cared for her, got sick, couldn't care for her any longer.

Go to Court and ask for custody IF she is unhappy and IF she is being abused (mentally or physically) you owe it to your child to get her to a place of safety.

Are you paying child support? One does not hinge on the other but it looks good to the Court if you are. It also looks good if you are in a stable relationship.

While some states do have specific guidelines on how much weight to put on a child's preference, NY doesn't. NYS Child Custody Guidelines – Child Custody Information

So my suggestion is to consult with a local Family Law attorney who will be familiar with the local courts. But as noted a child can NEVER make this decision, only a court can. So, if you want a change, file for one in court.

I do pay child support. I have been in a relationship for 10 years, a stable loving home. Thank you for asking. :)

Thank you for the advice.

The child can be questioned by the judge and as they get older testify in court. But the court will look at everything for the welfare of the child. So the child as noted never decides, only testifies in court along with all over evidence that both parents will present.

Sounds (from your comment) like you should file for the change -