Ask Me Help Desk - Snooping on a partner, found porn.

I'm disgusted by all the people here who are blaming the victim. Snooping is wrong, but no one should be hidding anything in a committed relationship, so snooping should really not even matter. If my boyfriend snooped on my computer I would not care because I have nothing to hide.

Furthermore, porn is not always cheating. That is if both partners agree to allow each other to engage in viewing it and probably doing so even together. But to many people, let me reiderate MANY PEOPLE, porn is PSYHOLOGICAL CHEATING. If you do not agree, then you are ignorant to the grounds of the agrument. Discourse on this subject will never end with a publicly accepted conclusion, but certainly it has a place in a relationship. And, if someone feels disrespected and cheated on then wouldn't the loving, caring, and ultimately adult thing to do be to just stop watching porn and get some from your lover.

I cannot believe how many guys get upset over women simply saying. Stop looking at that little dirty slut and let us live out your fantasies.

If you're my boyfriend, your jizz is my jizz!

Quote:

Originally Posted by purepoesy

I'm disgusted by all the people here who are blaming the victim. Snooping is wrong, but no one should be hidding anything in a commited relationship, so snooping should really not even matter. If my boyfriend snooped on my computer I would not care because I have nothing to hide.

Furthermore, porn is not always cheating. That is if both partners agree to allow eachother to engage in viewing it and probably doing so even together. But to many people, let me reiderate MANY PEOPLE, porn is PSYHOLOGICAL CHEATING. If you do not agree, then you are ignorant to the grounds of the agrument. Discourse on this subject will never end with a publically accepted conclusion, but certainly it has a place in a relationship. And, if someone feels disrespected and cheated on then wouldn't the loving, caring, and ultimately adult thing to do be to just stop watching porn and get some from your lover.

I cannot believe how many guys get upset over women simply saying. Stop looking at that little dirty slut and let us live out your fantasies.

If your my boyfriend, your jizz is my jizz!

SHE isn't a victim unless she makes herself into one in her own mind.

I am guessing that you missed the point we were making about TRUST. She doesn't TRUST him or she wouldn't be snooping "regularly". IF he, now, knows about her 'snooping', he probably doesn't TRUST her to stay out his private business. Yes, viewing porn (or any other form erotic/adult material) and/or masturbating is HIS private business IF it is not affecting the rest of the relationship.

It doesn't sound like he is 'hiding' anything. She is going looking for her own reasons. HE isn't a mind-reader to know what her insecurities are and bend over backward to deal with them. SHE on the other hand is going behind his back (snooping) to get material to feed those insecurities.

I have been married for 24 years (with my husband for 25). Both of us view/read/etc. adult material. Both of us masturbate. My body is my body and my orgasm is my orgasm. His is his. We share erotica/porn and fantasies WITH each other and we share orgasms, but we definitely DO NOT in any shape or form 'own' any part of each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by purepoesy

I'm disgusted by all the people here who are blaming the victim. Snooping is wrong, but no one should be hidding anything in a commited relationship, so snooping should really not even matter. If my boyfriend snooped on my computer I would not care because I have nothing to hide.

Furthermore, porn is not always cheating. That is if both partners agree to allow eachother to engage in viewing it and probably doing so even together. But to many people, let me reiderate MANY PEOPLE, porn is PSYHOLOGICAL CHEATING. If you do not agree, then you are ignorant to the grounds of the agrument. Discourse on this subject will never end with a publically accepted conclusion, but certainly it has a place in a relationship. And, if someone feels disrespected and cheated on then wouldn't the loving, caring, and ultimately adult thing to do be to just stop watching porn and get some from your lover.

He is an adult... he has the right to view legal forms of porn. (excepting kiddie porn)

Funny how the women that get so uppity about a guy exercising his right to view porn... or look at women on the street, also get so bent if HE wants to control who you talk to, when you go out... etc.

Controlling behaviour is a BAD habit... and it doesn't matter WHO is doing it.

Personally, if I catch a girlfriend snooping on my computer... looking through my drawers... going through my mail. Her butts history. I've tossed out girlfriends for doing less than that.

Funny how some people think its fine to dictate what someone else can or can't do and actually believe they have the right to do it. Sorry, your rights END where someone else's rights begin.

Be it porn... who you are allowed to call a friend... if you even get to see your friends... etc. Only seriously insecure people think they have a right to control another human so they feel better about themselves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by purepoesy

I cannot believe how many guys get upset over women simply saying. Stop looking at that little dirty slut and let us live out your fantasies.

So what YOU want is all that matters... thats pretty self centered behaviour. Sorry to inform you, the universe does not revolve around you... and you do not pop out golden eggs. Luckily plenty of women aren't as self centered as that comment makes you appear. He would be better off with any of them. You have nothing they don't.

I suppose you never, EVER oogle over another guy... sports figure, Movie star... ANY other guy. Sounds like something a 15 year old thinks with their first infatuation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by purepoesy

If your my boyfriend, your jizz is my jizz!

Sorry... you are WAY wrong there... until you exchange wedding vows... its his to give to whomever he wishes or share with you. And even then... Its HIS... NOT yours.

Doubt that... wait until the first time he demands sex when you REALLY are not in the mood... by your argument you HAVE to give over to anything he wants, whenever he wants it... if what's his is yours then what's yours is his too.

First--way to resurrect a thread that is a few months old.

Second--If you feel that way about your boyfriend viewing porn, you'd better not watch chick flicks, read romance novels, or say no to anal and threesomes.

I mean, if you don't want him LOOKING at stuff, and you only want him to do sexual things with YOU, then you'd better be willing to do anything he can find for legal porn--including adding another woman to the mix, or bondage, or rape fantasies, or double stuffing, or any of the OTHER things that (to your mind, anyway) only "dirty little sluts" do.

Get over yourself. You don't own your boyfriend. He can masturbate any damned time he wants. And if he wants to look at porn, good on him.

SNOOPING, on the other hand, is a trust-killer, a deal breaker, and a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 9 of them. I don't know his passwords to anything and he doesn't know mine. Every person needs areas of privacy, and everyone is entitled to some secrets.

Your controlling attitude about what your man can and cannot look at is appalling.