My father passed away in March 1, 2009, and his wishes were to have some of his ashes placed with his mom and then the rest scattered in Pine Island,Florida. I was in the hospital at the time I was notified and the police were involved due to the possible murder of him. After that initial phone call from my Aunt in Tennessee I was unable to get in contact with her again, and only read about the funeral arrangements in the newspaper after it had happened. Supposedly my uncle carries the urn with my Dad's ashes around with him and I have no idea what happened with my father's things. All I want to do is to make sure that my father's wishes are carried out and possibly a memento of his. What can I do? Please help, I have no idea what to do. I've been trying to locate the police department that was involved to at least find out what happened there, but all I know about my Aunt and Uncle is that they are somewhere in Tennessee.

Do you know the name and location of the hospital where your father died?

Search local news papers for information. As far as the ashs goes right now they belong to the uncle. Are you an only child or one of many children?

You appear to be estranged from your family. Your father very well may have left instructions in writing, instructions which were not given to you.

If you have your aunt and uncle's names you can find them and ask them straight out. If not, the funeral director (at least in my area) will take a message and pass it along. Happens all the time when there is some estrangement.

And I realize he was cremated - someone was in charge of the cremation. Call that person.

Why has it taken you 18 months to take action? It's possible that the estate has been probated and closed - didn't you receive notification?

I do not know if this is your situation but any time I've been called into one of these family problems the issue has been the "momentos" and not the ashes.

Hi, you should find out your rights in the state he expired in. My father literally died 3 days ago and his family did everything in there power to exclude us from everything. When they took him to the mortuary the direct advised them after they paid for his cremation that they had to get my permission first because I am his child and there is a pecking order. The first person who has say is the spouse and if no spouse then the children. The director also had to do with the ashes what I decided to do which is have them sent to me directly. You should call the mortuary and find out what was on the paperwork. Sorry for your loss xoxo

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Originally Posted by dsqueaks

Hi, you should find out your rights in the state he expired in. My father literally died 3 days ago and his family did everything in there power to exclude us from everything. When they took him to the mortuary the direct advised them after they paid for his cremation that they had to get my permission first because I am his child and there is a pecking order. The first person who has say is the spouse and if no spouse then the children. The director also had to do with the ashes what I decided to do which is have them sent to me directly. You should call the mortuary and find out what was on the paperwork. Sorry for your loss xoxo

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This is not true - your father could have left specific written instructions as to the disposition of his ashes and you could not have kept his wishes from happening.

- And I'm sorry for your loss.