My son committed suicide 2 weeks ago. His father and I are not on speaking terms and he picked up the ashes after the wake. He never called me to find out about paying some or part of the cost of the wake and cremation. We also live in different states. I could not attend the funeral as the casket was open.. I wanted it closed. He is now refusing to "share" the ashes, claiming that I need to pay my share of the cost of the wake and cremation services.Seeing as I did not make the plans or attend the wake, it seems fair that I pay half of the cost of the cremation ONLY, as it was for the people who knew my son through him that attended. Paying for half the cost of the cremation sounds fair. But he is emotionally blackmailing me by holding my half and not giving me my share. There was no will or verbal wishes on what to do with his remains. I would like to have my son remain with me in a customized urn. Who is legally entitled to keep his remains, both of us equally? And how do we negotiate a fair price? Human remains should be revered and kept honored by family members, not sold for a price!

For starters its illegal for you to have them if you don't have a permit. And Im not sure a judge will allow splitting of ashs. It may be ordered that they are inturned somewhere and you both pay for it. As far as the wake does that mean for you funeral or the reception after? If its funeral then him asking for 1/2 isn't bad its just in poor taste. You both suffered a loss (sorry for that) but you both need to end the fighting peacefuly.

Apparently the Funeral Home released the ashes in a sealed box, that is customary in New York State. I stopped into the Funeral Home to see a copy of the bill.. it included the cost of viewing of the body to pay last respects, the casket to use for the viewing, and arrangement and cost of funeral direction ($3732) 4 copies of the death certificate ($40), the cost of cremation ($310) and the death notice in the paper ($166). The Funeral expenses totaled $4250.

I did not attend the funeral, I didn't want an open casket as I couldn't see my son that way. And as I said, I was not consulted The reception they had afterward was at their church, which donated the room and was for the father's friends only, and the food was made by people who came to the service, so it was essentially free.

That being said, doesn't it seem petty to charge me for his ashes? I would gladly pay my half of the cremation..

Like I had said its in poor taste. To ask for your help in paying for it is not. But to have the expectation is. If there is no chance of agreement then you will have to make it a court issue. As it now stands because he paid for everything he is the one with possession. Im sorry for your loss. But as far as the law goes they look at things in a legal light. At this point you may not have a choice.