Eating disorder, I know I'm sick but I am happy doing what I do
I am 18 and even though I have always been petite I have major image issues. I used to go through phases where I'd make myself throw up every time I ate, I'd lose weight and feel happy, then stop but I would gain it back and go crazy.
I have always had a problem with acid,but doctors just said it was heartburn and to take tums (well it wasn't) and I recently was diagnosed with acid reflux, I think I brought it on myself, but I have it so bad that now anytime I eat anything my body auto-matically rejects it and I throw up, I think my body is just instinctively does it, although I had stopped making myself sick for a year and a half before the acid reflux started. I don't know if its in my head or not, but regardless I am sick. I have lost 21 pounds over the summer and I honestly for once hadn't planned on it. Now that I have a prescription for the acid (which within a day made me feel much better) I stopped taking it because I like that I only eat one small serving a day.
I am 104 pounds, no one has ever caught on that I have a problem and I am very good with making excuses, and now that I have seen a doctor my mother has stopped bothering me, which now is making the urge to lose weight even bigger. I moved on my own to the city and now I don't have to worry about having anyone on my case about my weight going up and down.
I don't eat often, sometimes only a meal once every 2 days, and its slowly getting to be less and less. I've noticed I feel so rewarded when I lose weight which as been 1-2 pounds a day.
I know I sound crazy but my friends and family think I am a really happy fun-loving person that is really confident and knows what she wants.
I honestly don't want help, I have an apointment with a specialist because they think the reason why I throw up so much is because the acid has started to ruin my stomach and they need to put a tube down my throat to cheack eveything out.
I don't MAKE myself get sick, my body just automatically throws up after I eat, so I think something might actually be wrong but right now I'm enjoying the benefits of it. I'm scared that they will be able to tell that I have an eating disorder and might force me into treatment, I'm not unhappy with my life what so ever, and sometimes I forget about my body issues and just don't eat because I'm used to nnot feeling hungery.
Please don't comment and say I am just looking for attention or anything like that because I'm not getting any attention from it and I keep all these issues private and have never ever talked to anyone about it before. I am not that girl that always says "oh my god I'm so fat blah blah balh" I actually love my body right now and feel really confident, but I still want to be smaller.
What should I do?
I am happy but I don't feel the need to keep in touch with even my bestfriends
Most people would love to be happy all the time, and I am.
But almost too happy... I've been through a lot in my life and I am able to cope really well with things and I would let myself feel every emotion thoroughly and be able to get past it. It seems like bad things kept happening for a long while and although I would get upset sometimes I never stayed down about it, certain things should effect me but they don't, again you may think this is good, but for me it is unsettling.
I have a hard time forgiving, for most people it's a one shot deal, if you screw up... SEE YOU LATER
And it doesn't phase me if I ever see them in my life again, I don't miss anyone... not even my own mother, if it weren't for her contacting me I probably wouldn't do it. But I love her to death and I don't understand.
I recently moved to Toronto and I have found I don't want to keep in touch with anyone from my home town. It's not that I dislike anyone, I actually have some amazing friends, but same thing, I don't feel the need to keep in touch and I don't really care to contact anyone and see how they're doing.
I feel like I don't care about anything, I've made new friends and I am having fun but I still don't feel the need to reach out and contact anyone, everyone else usually invites me out or see's how I'm doing, because I am such a positive person that many people like me.
I don't know what it is am I crazy?
I know I am sick, but I don't want help right now...
I am 18 and even though I have always been petite I have major image issues. I used to go through phases where I'd make myself throw up every time I ate, I'd lose weight and feel happy, then stop but I would gain it back and go crazy.
I have always had a problem with acid,but doctors just said it was heartburn and to take tums (well it wasn't) and I recently was diagnosed with acid reflux, I think I brought it on myself, but I have it so bad that now anytime I eat anything my body auto-matically rejects it and I throw up, I think my body is just instinctively does it, although I had stopped making myself sick for a year and a half before the acid reflux started. I don't know if its in my head or not, but regardless I am sick. I have lost 21 pounds over the summer and I honestly for once hadn't planned on it. Now that I have a prescription for the acid (which within a day made me feel much better) I stopped taking it because I like that I only eat one small serving a day.
I am 104 pounds, no one has ever caught on that I have a problem and I am very good with making excuses, and now that I have seen a doctor my mother has stopped bothering me, which now is making the urge to lose weight even bigger. I moved on my own to the city and now I don't have to worry about having anyone on my case about my weight going up and down.
I don't eat often, sometimes only a meal once every 2 days, and its slowly getting to be less and less. I've noticed I feel so rewarded when I lose weight which as been 1-2 pounds a day.
I know I sound crazy but my friends and family think I am a really happy fun-loving person that is really confident and knows what she wants.
I honestly don't want help, I have an apointment with a specialist because they think the reason why I throw up so much is because the acid has started to ruin my stomach and they need to put a tube down my throat to cheack eveything out.
I don't MAKE myself get sick, my body just automatically throws up after I eat, so I think something might actually be wrong but right now I'm enjoying the benefits of it. I'm scared that they will be able to tell that I have an eating disorder and might force me into treatment, I'm not unhappy with my life what so ever, and sometimes I forget about my body issues and just don't eat because I'm used to nnot feeling hungery.
Please don't comment and say I am just looking for attention or anything like that because I'm not getting any attention from it and I keep all these issues private and have never ever talked to anyone about it before. I am not that girl that always says "oh my god I'm so fat blah blah balh" I actually love my body right now and feel really confident, but I still want to be smaller.
What should I do?
