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-   -   How do I tell a guy who I like that I am not ready for sex? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=508436)

  • Sep 17, 2010, 12:48 PM
    LGs1Fan
    How do I tell a guy who I like that I am not ready for sex?
    I really like this guy and he likes me back but he is much more experienced sexually than I am. I am a virgin and I do not know if I am ready to have sex yet but I want to have a relationship with this guy and I don't want him to be turned off by the fact that I don't want to have sex yet. I am also worried that if I have sex with him too soon or if I wait too long, he will just move on to the next girl. Any suggestions?
  • Sep 17, 2010, 12:50 PM
    Kitkat22

    How old are you and the boy?
  • Sep 17, 2010, 12:53 PM
    ScottGem

    Umm in one post you are ready to make noises and another you want to tell him no. Which is it? I hope its this one.
  • Sep 17, 2010, 01:04 PM
    answerme_tender

    Your just throw away your virginity. That is something special that can only be given to a very special person ONCE!! Young lady ask yourself if you would be willing to spend the rest of your life knowing to gave something that special to someone who is possibly to young himself to understand what you are giving. Most young men have no concept of what that gift, its just a night of SEX for them. You need to think of yourself first and not worry about if he is going to stick around, because honey most won't stick around even if you do give it up for them. If this was the real thing you wouldn't be questioning your own instincts. Please just really think this thoroughly before doing something you may reqret later.
  • Sep 17, 2010, 01:24 PM
    Kitkat22

    Tell him.. I am not ready to have sex with you or anyone right now.
    If he leaves you, you'll know he was after sex. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable with.
  • Sep 17, 2010, 02:35 PM
    talaniman

    Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

    Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger's basket. Save some for your own basket.

    Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

    Talaniman Rule - If they can't treat you like you want to be treated, don't mess around with them.

    Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

    Talaniman Rule- If one person isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

    Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that's only after the lust has worn off for you both.

    Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

    Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.


    You seem to be afraid that he or any guy if they don't get sex they will leave, and that's a good thing no matter how you feel about them. It separates the men from the boys, and only the ones who are serious will stay and pursue. You virginity is your business, no one else's so keep your legs closed, and mouth shut until you have a partner that you are sure can stand the test of time and be there for you the way you need him to be. Otherwise what's the point? If you just want to give it away free of charge then any one will do, and then let them go about their business, and you go about yours.

    You will know when you're ready to have sex, and will be sure, at least I think so, because I read your other thread which was thankfully closed, because that was plain phony, and not sharing, or caring. Sharing good feelings is what sex is about, and with a special person, makes it very special.
  • Sep 17, 2010, 02:43 PM
    beachloverjohn

    I know this is going to sound old fashioned, but this is the time you need to have a serious talk with your mother or older sister if you have one. You are too emotionally immature to be thinking that having sex is the way you show your boyfriend that you really like him. You will be way better off if you say no, you will much more respect for yourself in the long run, and when you have a better understanding of what intimacy means, you will then know what to do. You're not ready now, so give it more time for your own sake.. I see you changed your question, well good. It sounds like you are thinking more like an adult then a child. So whenever your gut feeling tells you that your doing something that you feel you are not ready for, or that you simply don't want to do, the all you have to do , {and I think it was Nancy Reagen who said this} just say NO { All right so I'm old}
  • Sep 17, 2010, 03:30 PM
    DoulaLC

    You simply tell him. If you can't talk openly about it, you are far from being ready. His response will then tell you whether the relationship is worthy of your time and consideration.

    If he drops you because you won't have sex, thank your lucky stars you found out before you went too far.

    If he pressures you to have sex, after you tell him you are not ready, be thankful that you have the opportunity to see clearly how he really is and can then drop him first.

    If it's not an issue for him, he respects your feelings, and is happy just getting to know you better without any pressure to be intimate... hold onto him!
  • Sep 17, 2010, 08:39 PM
    martinizing2
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by LGs1Fan View Post
    I really like this guy and he likes me back but he is much more experienced sexually than I am. I am a virgin and I do not know if I am ready to have sex yet but I want to have a relationship with this guy and I dont want him to be turned off by the fact that I dont want to have sex yet. I am also worried that if I have sex with him too soon or if I wait too long, he will just move on to the next girl. any suggestions?

    Sex should not be the way to start or encourage a relationship.

    Start by getting to know each other... well.
    This should take several months.

    When and if you decide this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, sex may then become a consideration.

    If he is a person who really cares about you, and not just having sex, if you tell him you're not ready he will have enough respect and love you enough to respect your wishes.

    If not , it is his loss, kick him to the curb and find someone who deserves you.
    (refering to your other post)
    Incidentally , don't worry about the noises , that is a natural thing .

    I wish you well
  • Sep 17, 2010, 09:14 PM
    morgaine300

    I don't think I need to repeat yet again that if he dumps you cause you won't have sex, he's not worthy.

    What I would like to address is that everything seems to be about him and not you. I'm taking your two posts together. You're now admitting you're not sure you're ready. But before all you were concerned about was him realizing you weren't experienced. That's more concern that you're exactly what he wants you to be, instead of just being who it is that you are.

    You aren't going to be able to hide that you're not ready for this. And you aren't going to hide your inexperience. If it hadn't been closed, I was going to say on the other thread that you weren't going to hide your virginity. The people saying the "noise" was going to be of pain were not trying to be sarcastic.

    And this also seems to be starting down the path of trying to fool a guy, into thinking you're ready when you're not, into thinking you're more experienced than you are, and that you're making noises that maybe you don't mean. It appears that everything is all about making sure you show a side of yourself to him - that doesn't exist.

    No one should have any specific reason to lose their virginity -- the only reason should be that you found the right person, he's special, you're ready, and you're ready to give that away to him. And no other reason counts.

    Go back to being you and doing what you want, and you will not only be a lot better off now, but you'll be a lot better woman for skipping all the pretense and pretending.
  • Sep 17, 2010, 09:20 PM
    morgaine300
    P.S. As a little side note - I was always scared of sex. I mean, it really scared me. It wasn't so much the inexperienced, cause quite honestly, most people I knew weren't terribly experienced anyway. It was just a fear of this unknown thing I didn't understand. In fact, I couldn't even figure out why people would want to do such things. My mother told me I just hadn't found the right person. Most of my mother's advice wasn't too fabulous and I just passed it off to her being her nutso self.

    She was so right. When the right person came along, I knew it was right, and I knew I was ready, and suddenly it seemed like a really wonderful thing to do, with someone I really did love.
  • Sep 17, 2010, 09:20 PM
    Alty

    Quote:

    I am also worried that if I have sex with him too soon or if I wait too long, he will just move on to the next girl.
    I just have to respond to this.

    Why would you be worried that he'll leave? If he does, because of sex, than good riddance to him. Let him move on and find someone that cares about you, not what you can do for them.

    You deserve to be treated with respect by the person you're dating. Saying no to sex and having that decision respected by your boyfriend is important. If he can't respect that, he's not boyfriend material.

    Don't have sex until you are 100% sure that you're ready.
  • Sep 18, 2010, 02:14 AM
    411Help

    "No."
  • Sep 18, 2010, 07:32 AM
    JudyKayTee

    I'm confused - OP is asking for advice but I think her mind is already made up (as someone before me caught) - she's wondering what noises to make when she has sex. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ex-508433.html

    I am always surprised that a person is considering having sex with a person but can't talk to that person.

    And, of course, no birth control is 100% so OP should be aware that this person could be the father of her child.
  • Sep 18, 2010, 03:42 PM
    morgaine300

    Actually, she posted the other thread first, and I think then questioned whether she was ready for this and posted this one. So apparently something in her is questioning it - so at least there is that.
  • Sep 18, 2010, 03:50 PM
    Kitkat22

    Those three magic words that have worked for Centuries... I'm
    Not ready.

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