I met this girl at the beach two months ago. We've gotten along perfectly and learned so much about each other. She decided she wanted to break up with her boyfriend and be with me for a number of reasons. At first she obviously didn't want to but a number of things seemed to factor into the equation. I'm Christian like her, while her boyfriend is an atheist and makes fun of Christ at times. She lives much closer to me, while he can't see her often, she is losing feelings for him, and we have everything in common.

We get along great, and she decided to break up with him just last night. While she did it for me because she loves me, she still had a long memory with him and was crying to me on the phone a lot over it. She was sad she had to hurt him. I have mixed feelings on the situation.
I can tell she has a good heart because of how much she cried over breaking up with him. She didn't want to hurt him, but her heart is too much for me (so she tells me).
On one hand I'm happy, because now I will get to have her as my girlfriend.
But on the other hand, I am worried/sad that she cried so much over it, and that she was hurting.

What can I do, to better this situation for her and I in the best way possible? How should I feel?
Anything special I can do for my girlfriend now, or a certain way I should act for awhile? Advice would be appreciated.

Hello Lime,

Are you two officially boy friend and girl friend?

I can't tell you how you should feel. Just comforting her while going through this.

Don't YOU think it might be too soon to start dating her?

Aren't you afraid of being a rebound?

I understand that she really cares for you, but perhaps you let her heal from this before jumping into a realationship with her.

If you two were meant to be (and you might) then it will happen, I just wouldn't rush it.

Does that make sense?

Just get to know her as a person for now. Do friend things together -- shopping at the mall, socializing with friends, hanging out at the malt shop, etc. Avoid any boyfriend-girlfriend touching -- just stick with (maybe) a quick hug or a pat on the arm or (maybe) a kiss on the cheek.

Don't be a rebound. If you are, the relationship won't last long.

Do things that makes a good memory

Just start as friends and listen to what she has to say... don't try to push a romantic relationship on her until you know that it's truly over between her and the ex.

Don't be her rebound guy, because rebound relationships rarely last!

How old are you both? That's very important, as she may well be the good person you think she is, and obviously she is in much pain, and just needs a friend to help her through a tough time, and break ups can be very emotional.

I have to tell you though that while you obviously care a great deal, that love romance stuff is way to soon, just because of the break up. Yes jumping from him to you would be a rebound situation, and as she heals from the break up, she may be grateful to you for being there for her emotionally, but may have friends feelings, and NOT about being a girlfriend to you, even though she seems willing NOW.

That's one of the leading dangers of falling for someone who has just went through a break up. That's why your ages are important because rebound relationships are seldom long lasting, or even fulfilling, because one partner is usually in deeper than the other, and often thinks by waiting, and supporting the hurt one, they will have a chance at romance later, but what is lost is that it may be a very long wait until the potential partner has healed enough to even consider dating.

What usually happens is that a friendship develops on her part, but you will want more, and when she is healed, she will not need that attention, and emotional support you have been giving her, and her interest can well turn to another besides you.

Being a good supportive friend is no guarantee that she will see you as a romantic partner, when she has healed, even if you spend a lot of time together, and she really enjoys it, and may even seem like your going together at times.

Thats the biggest danger of falling to fast for someone that still has not healed from her last relationship, and I think its much worse when she breaks up with him, to spend time with you, but has you on hold while she heals.

I know you like her, and want a chance for more, but while being a supportive friend is a good thing, its seldom a path to romance, and a relationship. She needs the attention, but you are in danger of falling to deep to be able to back away without hurting yourself, when she decides she is strong enough on her own to explore her options, and opportunities after she heals.

That will suck big time if you invest your heart, and be what she needs, and expect more from her later.

I advise extreme caution, and don't go overboard with the attention/friend thing, and thats why your ages are important to know, to get a sense of your maturity level, and if you can handle even putting in the time for such a person who is needy of attention, and support, because dumping someone for someone else, and wanting time is a big red flag that the nice person you want to give your heart too, may not deserve it, or worse, know what to do with it just because of age, maturity, or inexperience, and not because she is evil, or conniving, just needy.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that's only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner