Ask Me Help Desk - I'm in love, but she just got out of a bad relationship and just wants to be friends

Im in love, but she just got out of a bad relationship and just wants to be friends

I was never good with this kind of things, but here it goes...

A few weeks ago I met the most amazing girl in my spanish class, we're friends now but since the minute I saw her I fell in love with her. She told me that she just broke up from a previous relationship and still needs time to forget about him... or she still has feelings for the guy (she didn't say anything still having feelings for the guy, but you never know and I kind of got that feeling in my gut).

I think she feels the same way about me, we're always after each other and talking in class. She's really open, nice and honest to me, more than a normal guy to girl friendship should but the break up was tough and told me she'd rather not date for a while. You wouldn't think much of her at first glance but we are two of a kind. Im really confused right now.

I don't know if I should confess my true feelings or give it time, and since I don't know wich of the two things I mentioned she is going through, I have no idea what to do.

Should I continue to be friends with her and risk she thinking I only like her as a friend or go with my intincts and tell her the truth?

I sometimes think I'm just fooling myself all together...

She does not feel the same way that you do. She is not yet over her last relationship, and is not ready to jump into another one. You cannot be friends with her because you are emotionally attached to her. Leave it alone before you really get hurt. Find someone that is not in a rebound situation, and you will at least have a chance. In this case, you are wasting your time..

I agree with John. She just got out of a relationship. Let her have some time alone for a while. She needs that. Also, you don't want to be the rebound guy. That can cause more hurt than anything.

I would also keep your distance. I don't think you should cut off all communication, especailly if you guys are pretty good friends. In this situation, she will need a friend.

Who knows in time what may happen. For now though, I would leave it alone.

Good luck.

The last thing she needs is to think you are in love wit her, and the last thing you need is for you to hang around her and think you should confess your feelings. The last thing you want is to be in the friend zone with someone you want more from.

You only have one choice here, and that's to keep your feelings to yourself, and not get more attached than you are. You never know what the future holds, and the timing is better, but for now, make sure you have other things and other people to focus on besides her.

I suspect you are a smitten young guy, and will probably hang around her until you finally tell her how you feel. I seriously doubt she feels the same, or is ready to even think that way until she is over the ex. She does need friends though, guys who can be good friends as she heals, and not press her for time and attention, because you are in love. Trust me, she is NOT!

Quote:

I think she feels the same way about me, we're always after each other and talking in class. She's really open, nice and honest to me, more than a normal guy to girl friendship should

That's what you think from your point of view, and I doubt that she feels the same.

The conventional wisdom says that If she just got out of a bad relationship she is still healing bla bla but if a woman meets someone she is really really interested in, she will consider exploring a relationship with him. Why don't you find out about where she is now emotionally, but don't be the girlfriend-like figure. You just want to know if she is totally closed off to a relationship. Don't talk to her about emotional problems surrounding the breakup she has girlfriends for that.

You want to stay out of the friend zone actually, it is difficult to get out of. If you feel "it" after talking to her a bit, then make the bold move and calmly tell her you are interested. If she still says she wants to be friends then you two choices let her friend you or walk away. If you decide being a friend is enough, you may have to consider never getting out of that category and watching her move onto the next relationship. If you walk away you will be free to fall in love with some better.

It's all in the timing, and you can't do anything but strike and see if she is ready. If she is not now, it will be difficult to predict when she will be ready and if you will be in the right place at that time as in not a friend. You might want to consider your strategy as an all or none, get what you want and don't accept halves.

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Quote: I think she feels the same way about me, we're always after each other and talking in class. She's really open, nice and honest to me, more than a normal guy to girl friendship should but the break up was tough and told me she'd rather not date for a while.

I don't know if I should confess my true feelings

One last point I want to make. You don't have to tell her how you feel, because she already knows. Believe me, she can tell by your actions and demeanor. And you know how she feels by another method. Her actual words. So unless you get a green light on this one, consider this road closed.