Ask Me Help Desk - Strange situation

I dated the love of my life for a year but then I broke up with him and broke his heart too. I broke up with him because I started to get very jealous and suspicious and more angry every day. Im not sure why I did this except for the fact that he stopped wanting to have sex with me. I am not bad looking and actually, at the time, we were working out all the time and so my body was really starting to take shape. So I was feeling very neglected and unsure about his attraction to me and started to lash out because of it. He says the reason he stopped wanting to have sex was because of the way I was acting. Chicken or the egg scenario. HOnestly I don't know which came first. We went for several months without talking and he got a new girlfriend and I was dating a guy casually. Every day that went by I regretted my decision to leave him and missed him more and more. So I finally emailed him and all I said was that I missed him. That started a slow moving process of us talking again. He and I both were seeing other people and so little by little we phased them out... still not completely on both sides. He works out of town for a month at a time and I just so happened to have vacation time built up so I decided to go to New York with him for the beginning of him job. That's where I'm at now. He is at work and he leaves his computer here at the hotel. Ok, there is a Google search bar at the top of the page... you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, the pull down menu sometimes will suggest things for you to type in but also if you type something in it will save it until you clear the pulldown menus history. I went in today to search for something that started with an s and at the top of the list is strip bars in syracuse, ny. (thats close to where we are) Im leaving to go back home this weekend and while I was doing laundry yesterday he must have looked that up. But wait, there's more. He and I aren't together. According to him, he needs to trust me again and to heal from the pain I caused him. He holds me and kisses me and treats me like his girlfriend but STILL won't have sex with me. Were back right where we left off. He told me the reason he won't have sex with me now is because he took a vow of celibacy for a month. Ok, that's cool, I can dig that. But why go to a strip club then? Isn't that defeating the purpose? I confronted him about it and he denied it. He said that the Google searchbar suggested that and he never looked it up and he thought I might say something about it. But there is no way Google would suggest strip bars because they might get sued if some kid went on there and saw naked people. And, on top of that, when I erased the history, it disappeared. So I am jealous of the fact that he won't have sex with me, still, but he is going to go to the strip club when I leave. What is really going on?

U need 2 get away from him .meet some new people u need some 1 better them him that will love only u forever!! U need 2 run run run get away from him!!

He would be an idiot to go back with a jealous, suspicious partner, who gets angry, and dumps him. Especially if it was over a lack of sex.

Quote:

He says the reason he stopped wanting to have sex was because of the way I was acting.

I can't say as I blame him, and sorry I think he is cautious (and well he should be) now about going through the same thing again because you really haven't changed it seems.

You don't need a guy for a relationship, you should solve your own personal fears, and insecurities, first. As it stands now, you don't seem like you are a healthy partner, and he probably does have other options besides you. Going to a strip club is less about sex, and more about young guy having young guy fun.

Just so you know that a lack of sex is more about how you related in other areas of the relationship, not just in bed, and females who are angry, and suspicious ( guys too, to be sure ) are not very attractive or sexy. Unless you deal with your personal issues, you will get the same results as you had before. To put it mildly, I doubt being with you the way you are is a high priority with him at this time and he is not all into you the way you are now.

Sorry. But the fact you two don't communicate and work well together to solve your issues is NOT a good sign. Hope you can talk and listen, instead of assuming, and presuming, so you can have the facts, and deal with them correctly.

This relationship has nothing going for it. Neither of you sound the least bit happy. One of you needs to end this charade, and since you are the one asking, I suggest you do it. Find someone you are compatible with. Apparently, this guy is not the one. Doesn't matter who is right . You're wrong for each other.

You sound like a very jealous and insecure person and it probably made him not want to be with you. Or maybe he is just no longer into you, but your jealousy and going through is computer is just crazy.
You two broke up before for a reason, it's still there. Forget about him, work on yourself so you can be better with the next person.

Okay, you are all right. I know I have insecurity issues and the funny thing is that he says that we need to both work on ourselves before we try to get back together. He is right. I love him, I really do, and I know he loves me with all his heart. He is willing to wait while I fix myself and he admits that he has things he needs to fix too. He said he has a porn addiction and it keeps him from enjoying natural sex. But he admits that he wants to change. And I want to change too. Someone posted that we are miserable in this relationship and you couldn't be further from the truth. We love being around each other and most of the time we are really happy. Its just when I want to make love that things get crazy. That's the only problem. So now I ask, what can I do to make this jealousy and insecurity issue go away. I am currently practicing affirmations, I read a lot of self help books and I have realized that I have obsessive thoughts. So I am trying to notice my thoughts now and point them in a different direction. But sometimes the jealousy rages inside me and I can't stop it. Please help

I have to agree with your boyfriend, you both need to work on yourselves before you get back together. And once you two learn to take care of yourselves, then you will be able to take care of each other. So keep working on your problems, :jealousy, etc}, let him work on his addictions, give each other the time and space to do this, and carry on your lives apart for awhile, then you never know what the furure will bring. Or you can eventually connect with someone else, and maybe your personalities will already fit each other. Either way, these are all positive improvements that will make all your future relationships much more healthy and satisfying,

Practice thinking before you act or speak, no matter the situation. It gives you time to reach a better solution than impulsively giving in to the feelings of the moment.

In time you can make better decisions.