I am so sorry for your loss.I too lost my fiancé of 10 yrs. On June 25,2010. I am hurting so very much. We were like 2 peas in a pod. We did everything togethe, we worked together, we worked out together, we would spend everyday and just about every hour together. He was the best thing that happened to my kids and I. I wish everyday and every night that I would be able to feel him, kiss him,dream about him just to be close to him again. He promised he would love me always and I promised I would love him forever, and I will. I do believe things happen for a reason and no one will ever know what the reason is, no matter how much you want to. We went through so much together. He had a few surgeries, had a stent in his main artery in his heart, he was diabetic, he had open heart surgery(CABG), and then he had an arrithmyia(irregular heart beat). I am glad to say that I was there to help him and LOVE him through all of that. He had written letters to his loved ones after his CABG, he had told me if anything were to ever happen to him that I am to pass out those letters.Unfortunately I did when he was considered brain dead. He died of a clot in his brain, which was removed but unfortunately his brain started hemorraghing and I lost him. Things always go through my mind. All the ''WHAT IF'S'' but he wouldn't want me to be blaming myself for something I couldn't control. He had also told me if anything were to happen to him, that he wouldn't want to be ,excuse me for saying this, but he told me he didn't want to be a vegetable. In the letter he wrote for me not to be sad for him because he had the best part of his life with me. Those words were comforting but it was a bitter/sweet situation. I can't help being sad because it is part of grieving. But I miss him so much that I cry whenever and wherever I am. At night it gets very hard because I still expect him to walk through the door, but he never does and that breaks my heart all overs again. I must keep living for my kids and I have to be strong for them as well. I know you might feel there is nothing left for you in the world, but there is always A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. I am hoping one day to meet with him again. But as of now we must go on, I know its easier said than done, but its all going to be okay someday.
>Moved to Own thread<
