I use to write to you a few years ago about my mother being narcissistic. I guess my user name was "sharla". I guess the one worse incident I can remember is her locking me in a bedroom all day naked because I put on the snow suit my real dad gave me when I was four years old. The next worse incident among many if you recall was when she spit in my face at bed time because my step dad couldn't stand me and she felt I was ruining her marriage. She just bent down and spit in my face when I thought she might give me a kiss.
I went home in April 2010 for her birthday and stayed until May. My husband came with me. We cooked for them and did grocery shopping and I cleaned the house for Mom and my husband worked hard in their garden. My step dad was extremely belligerent and cruel to me. At one point he told me that I wasn't suppose to put my fingers on a DVD that I had given them as one of my many unappreciated gifts. I told him "I didn't touch it with my fingers" and he shot up out of his chair screaming "I saw you touch it I was sitting right her watching you!". Mom told him in a wee inaudible voice "several people have touched that". I didn't say anything more but it made me mad that she defended him after he stormed off to bed. Then one morning he said something really cruel in heartless. There was no "good morning" and he didn't even look up from his paper as I approached the breakfast table. They, he and my mother were sitting at the breakfast table. At one point he screeched out "you sweet thing you get sweeter with the years" as he padded her knee. She stuck her tongue out at him and made a spat sound. I wanted to enter the conversation so I said "yeah she never seems upset about the small stuff anymore." He looked at me with hate and his smile faded away and he answered"don't you think it may be you instead of her that's changed?" I said "no I don't think so":Him, "it's never about you is it?" After that he started in about my son still living at home and I told him that I figured it was his business and that girls want allot these days, that's expensive. He sarcastically said to my mother padding her knee again "did you hear that girls want allot these days?" I answered "oh sure Mom had it all" and he got mad and said to me "well she's worth every bit of it having put up with being a "mommy" and bull-**** like that" I replied "and being a wife":: I said I'd go sit with my husband outside who had already tired of his tirades.
It went on and on like this and then I cleaned the house for Mom one day when they were up at the V.A. hospital for his f***ked up heart. Mom was well pleased but I heard him complain from upstairs "I can't find my things, she puts things the way she wants them and ecc.ecc., oh well she'll be gone in a couple days which he repeated twice". After that I didn't want anything to do with him and stayed clear of him. I told Mom I wasn't coming back ever again when I got back home and had called her. She expected me to apologize to him. I told her that he wouldn't even come to the phone at Xmas after we sent huge gift baskets.
In July I was doing better and getting over it and losing weight and I laid down to rest when the phone started ringing off the hook and then there was an email message from my brother half/brother he who never acknowledges me or writes. He said Mom had metastatic cancer and that he was flying home for her. He encouraged me to drop everything and fly over. I told him I couldn't do that. All this time my stepdad is ignoring me and never calling. I found out from Bob his son my half brother about mom's cancer. I called and talked often to Mom and followed her progress after wards. After she got radiation she rapidly went down hill and had to have morphine and she wasn't coherent. They had to put her back in the hospital and I'd call her at night at 2 A.M. here when they Bob and Charley (stepdad) had gone home. I didn't want them around when I talked to Mom as she changed the way she related to me when they were around.
When I over heard the two women in the same room talking about Mom's bouts of crying etc. and that the food just dropped out of her mouth, I made plans to fly over within a day or so. At the airport was the two undertakers, Bob and Charley, to take me to his home that he expensively built for Mom by the ocean. Bob made a point of telling me that Charley wanted to come to or be there to pick me up. I think because he didn't want Bob and I to be alone before he could get to me.
Mom was in a coma and never knew I was there at all.
.This worked while Mom was alive as I slept at the hospital with her but just a day after her death they started in on me. They didn't like it that my husband didn't come they said. I told them Mom was in a coma and what good would it have done anyway? Plus there's the animals to take care of and we can't afford to plane tickets. I had already took a leave of absence without pay. They won't except my explanation. It was clear to me they wanted an excuse to argue with me. Upstairs later I thought surely my stepdad will understand my explanation and I explained to him again about my husband wanting to come for the funeral but since we didn't know how long mom would be alive and needing care it was better if just I came first. He raised his fist and defiance and bought it down strong and said"don't press it or you'll regret it, the only reason I called you was because your mother was dying or I won't have called at all." He said this in a mean angry hateful tone of voice. I just looked at him and Bob came in and told me he was "just upset". I said he hadn't been that way before until you came over and started this stuff about my husband not being here. He walked out saying "so now it's my fault": I wish I'd left that night as the next night Bob came down the stairs just half way accusing me of having taken his things that he had given to Mom. I told him over and over again that I had not taken anything but had put on the bed in the room I was sleeping in only the things that I was told to take if I wanted them of Mom's. Bob got all huffy and said"you remember when I told you I'd try to be patient with you and not get upset with you, well I don't like being offended" He said this real loud for the benefit of my stepdad's ears who was upstairs in his bedroom. Actually what he had said to me was about how hard it was to deal with my stepdad and that he Charley had promised my Mom that he would treat me nice if I came. Well he didn't. The next morning, with Bob still sleeping until noon in the duplex next door he came down the stairs all bent out of shape. "I said look at the flowers Glen sent" Him angry"I have my hands full!" "Why don't you put those flowers on the casket instead of buying some?" I said they are suppose to stay on the musical stand, I think. "well I was just suggesting, do what you want then I don't give a ****!". I said "what did I say wrong now?" He said "you didn't say anything wrong but I've put up with your attitude for fifty years and I've had it. When you go back to Italy don't contact me, don't call and I don't want to ever see you again. After the funeral get your crap together and get out" I told him I'd leave right away. Here he had me sewing a skirt valance for his bed by hand that mom couldn't finish and he pulls this crap. I had been crying night and day for mom and my face and eyes were all puffy. I told him "after I've come all this way to be with my mother" and "she won't like this and she told me I didn't have to worry about what you think anymore!" Him "well you've got that right. Get out"" I ran upstairs and threw stuff in my little suitcase and went to have breakfast at a mall nearby. I walked under the hot sun and was thirsty. I realized I didn't have money or my plane tickets as I'd hidden them when I was at the cash register. Bob had gone up and searched through my stuff without my presence to get what he wanted that Charley told me I could have of Mom's. I had to walk back to the house and my mouth was dry and my hands were shaking and I was afraid he'd woke up Bob. I walked in and he was at the kitchen sink doing nothing thank god. I got a drink and took my suitcase up stairs and got my horrible dance cloth purse and stuffed my shoes in there and one green dress I liked. The rest, new p.j. lounge set to wear at the hospital and gifts for my son and husband I left behind, including the wooden box I had made for Mom with her ancestor book I did for her in it. I wanted to take it to show it to her at the hospital accept they said "why don't you wait until she comes home."
I came down the stairs and he went after me like a wild cat saying stuff I presumably said that I didn't even remember. He tried to corner me and I said let me by "I don't want to get beat up"As I walked out the door I said "if I said something to you years ago I sure as hell had good reason too. You didn't even bother to tell me my mother was gone. He said oops you better remember to take her picture with her and I said I don't want anything and he said "oh great even better goodbye you ugly fat whore"
After I got home there was and email from Bob saying how they were so worried about me and that they'd even called a hotel and how upset Charley was": I wrote him back and told him what happened." There was no reply form him or empathy. I told him that crap about him being upset was just a show, a victimized show for pity"
I order a cross with flowers to be put on my mothers grave and I wrote for him to place it for me. He wrote back sending a poem about anger hoping "that it reach some part of me". I sent him all his emails he'd written me about having to support his dad's anger and how he got mad when he tried to discuss it with him. He lightened up when I said I should send them to Charley Bob replied "you'll betray our trust and confidence that we had." I emailed "it sure didn't matter to you did it? I hope you have fun living with yourself knowing the truth." After the funeral he sent me a completely distorted picture of my cross on the casket. There were only the two of them at the funeral. He said "you see we placed your cross, were not the villains you think we are" I wrote back that they were Vile serpents other then villains and that I didn't want anything more to do with either of them. They said a memorial date for Mom but so far just one person is coming and that is a very badly handicapped cousin in Miami. It's sure that he will try to over her free lodging and all my inheritance. Not that I want anything now but I hope she doesn't trap herself with him. It isn't worth it. Also when I got back there was a letter from my Mom waiting for me and guess what it was all about how ungrateful I was and how I expressed myself badly with my stepdad over the DVD and that I should have apologized and how I shouldn't go through my life that way angry as everybody loves me. I could have killed her with my bare hands and all sadness for the loss of her flew out the window. I only wish I cut ties with them and lost my tracts with them way back in 1975 when I came to Italy.
I'd be grateful after this long account of what happened to me if you'd write. I closed the account at the bank while I was there were Mom put Xmas money in it for us instead of sending gifts and the manager at the bank felt I should call the police as my whole leg from under my knee to my ankle was a deep black and blue color from where he tripped me up.

Pennington, I have tried to search for postings by a "Sharla" but came up empty. So, I don't know who you spoke with when you used to post here. I hope you don't mind if I attempt to help you.

I am sorry for the loss of your Mother and the obvious pain you are in. Regarding your question: "my mother hated me?" Please don't go down that road. It will only drive you crazy and doesn't serve any constructive purpose.

Sometimes, we have to accept that we are better off shutting out the negative people in our lives. It sounds as if you have a supportive husband. I suggest focusing on your immediate family and your close friends. Use them all for the support you need in healing yourself right now. With the passing of your mother, you don't have to deal with your stepfather any more. If your relationship with your half brother is too much for you to deal with at the moment, then stop all contact with him. Maybe in the future you can re-establish a relationship with him but for now, you should be focusing on the positives in your life. Don't allow anyone to force you to to rehash the negatives or you won't be able to move past the anger and find some peace of mind.

How have things been since your return to Italy. Have any of them contacted you, or have they respected your wishes to leave you alone. I am thinking that one of the positive things about all of this is that, with your mother gone now, they can no longer keep hurting you.

It is, was, a horrible tangle of power plays with them all, it sounds like. You kept trying, and no matter what you did, they found a way to sabotage every well intentioned thing you did for your mother. That in itself should give you some solace, because despite her very poor behaviour to you, most of your life it sounds like, you still did the right thing by her, and were a good daughter. I don't know that I could have been as strong, or tried as hard, as you did. And that which you did for your mom, nobody can take from you.

Maybe another plus is, because you were well aware of the toxicity in your mom's home, you have learned personally, what it takes to take the more honourable road, and not disolve into jello when faced with this type of adversity and anger. I appreciate how their behaviour, aimed squarely at you, was undeserved, and without merit. But still, you weathered that on your shoulders, and still kept doing the best you could for your mother. You are a stronger person because of it, and likely you have become more empathetic and supportive of others in your life who face challenges, where others would have turned and walked away.

I understand the hurt of words, and how they last a lifetime. Sure you move past them, but in weaker moments, it feels like it happened yesterday. I was told by my mother that the day I was born was the worst day of her life, and that I had a 'black streak' in me. I was not treated the same way as my sisters, and it was all about resentment. After my older sister was born, I was born 11 months later, and my birth she said, sealed her fate with my father.

And it was me, like it was with you, that took charge of decisions at the end of her life, including stopping life support. And when that moment finally arrived, and all the aftermath of the funeral planning, I did all the right things, as was expected of me. But, maybe you can look at this another way, now that your mother has passed as well. Think of it as the end of a chapter, in your life. Her death, is also the end of carrying around the guilt. The guilt being, believing you were what she said you were, and somehow deserved the treatment you got. The relationship is finally severed, and so too, are those holds on your emotional ties, because of them.

Think of new beginnings, free from all of them. You did what you had to do, the best you knew how, and I think you handled yourself admirably. You can live without them, but try to live without all that came with them too.

That chapter, is now over.

All the best to you.

I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner but I thought I'd be notified by email of the replies. I checked back on the site and it said "no messages" and then I saw the two replies. Thanks for answering as I was almost desperate for somebody to reply.
I think everything you said is true and I've tried to point myself emotionally in that direction for years. I found out that most of the characteristics of a NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) applied to both of them, mom and step-dad. I tried for years to get her to love me like a mother should a daughter but she always had to put him first and she just couldn't see how he destroyed me with his negative feed back. He was a hateful person and an authority on everything. He was still dragging mom in to court with him over his numerous law suits that he started being his own lawyer about almost 20 years ago. She couldn't even hear the judge anymore so he had her ears cleaned and kept harping at her to get a hearing device. The thing that hurt most is mom always put him first even before my needs as a child and he got her to see me through his hateful eyes. My brother and step-dad used me to get me to come home and they thought I'd be able to wake mom up from her coma but after she died my step-dad threw me out like a bag of garbage and his killer line was "and your mother knew I was going to cut it off with you."
I think mom loved me deep down deep as I got this from my half brothers blog:
One of the most moving moments was when Mom found out that Michelle was coming back. Suddenly she exhibited more clarity than ever in the last two days since I was back, and she was in tears of happiness that Michelle was coming . She was very deeply moved. You could tell her depth of love for Michelle
I cleaned it up a bit from the unnecessary comments
No I don't feel I want to have any contact with my half brother anymore he got away with murder and was always favored. He has no empathy for me and actually defended his dad. When they threw me out they also threw out my husband and mom's only grandchild. I figure if they don't even recognise their worth their really poor spiritually.
Thanks to both of you who have been so kind to read my long detailed angonized description about my life and to have replied. I've been always very
I've always been very empathetic and not attached to material things much. I was suppose to get a huge emerald ring of my mothers which I never did among other things but just before I left to takecare of mom I took a ring off my finger with a small emerald and gave it to a lovely friend with beautiful green eyes. I'm happier that way about the ring, seeing her wear it.

It's an interesting thought, to think that, had your step father never been in the picture, how different things may have been between you and your mother, and your own family and your mother.

My opinion is, she was an abused woman by him, and he had such typical power and control over her, that even the words out of her mouth toward you, were likely because of her own loss of 'self'. She was who he wanted her to be.

All you can really do now is close that chapter. Remember the good, and let the bad go. There was nothing that changed anything for you while she was alive, and nothing will change about the past, now that she's gone.

You might also want to see about grief counselling for yourself. It won't hurt, and may give you some added support and guidance to help you feel better about everything.

All the best of luck to you.

I don't think they have grief counseling here. I have a friend that lost her brother this year to a heart attack. He was only 46 and he died in bed. She spent months crying and talking about the horrible implications of her loss. I was in tuned to her suffering and somehow I think it helped me and prepared me spiritually for this final chapter.
I find it hard to relate my personal suffering to people who are just there to do their job as a councelar. I tried councelars here but I never found one that actually cared.
I know mom felt conditioned as I found a card from her for my birthday and she had simply wrote, "Even though I don't call or write I'm thinking about you".
I've had three dreams about her or with her present in my dreams quite unexpectedly- The first one I was doing the wash in a cement block sort of cubicle that faced an open green sunny field. She wasn't very coherent and I think her mind was still overloaded with drugs as they had given her something stronger then morphine at the hospice VA hospital We chatted a little and then she said "goodbye" and I told her I loved and missed her.
The second dream I was sleeping and the T.V. was actually on and making a loud noise as the programs had finished. It's out for it to have made those noises with all that visual static as it hasn't happened in years. In the dream I was sleeping and so were my step dad and Bob in the room when my mother told me in an urgent voice to go tell my step dad that I wanted the house. She obviously had to leave or something. I didn't want to do that as I don't want to ask him for anything and I woke up just in time and turned off the T.V. set and went to bed.
Early this morning I dreamed of all these beautiful birds flying around and then two got trapped in a net, for some odd reason, that covered a picture in my bedroom. The bird was beautiful and not too big. I took up the window blind and opened the window and took up the screen and went to get the little bird to free it. It seemed pure, calm and something incredibly sweet about it and I let it free. A little boy, I don't know who, did the same with the other bird.

Yes they almost got a divorce twice. I was hopeful that he'd go through with it. She was up making him coffee and crying instead. He wanted out because of me and then mom got pregnant and he stayed for his new golden child. This his sister told me who I was always fond of, an artist in San Francisco. Mom hated her though as I liked her too much for her
Taste. Later he decided he was moving to Florida so asked Bob who he wanted to go with Mom or him. They came up to Eugene Oregon from where they had been in Coos Bay and dumped all their food on my counters and left. I was sleeping as I had done the night shift in a charcoal factory. Neither he nor Bob came in to say goodbye. For a while after that I moved and they lost track of me. It was the most serene time ever for me since she'd met him.

I am not very good at interpreting dreams. Hopefully Jake is.

Michelle! I think you answered your own question! That card your Mother sent to you, without any doubt, shows you that she loved you and didn't hate you. So, now you have another positive that should help bring you closer to closure during your grieving process.

I gathered from your original post that you are around 50 and your Mom was married to your stepdad for at least 40 years or so? I agree with Jake regarding her take on your Mom being in an abusive relationship. Her advice and understanding of your situation are worth re-reading when you are experiencing a down moment.

Jake mentioned your Mom's "loss of self". I think that is a very important point in helping you move past your anger, hurt, and grief. I don't know if this will give you any peace of mind or not but when you were a child, women were still defined by the men in their lives. The majority of single women with children had a very difficult time making it on their own and struggled financially. They counted themselves lucky if they were able to find any man who appeared willing to take on the responsibility of another man's child. So, if you can attempt to place yourself into your Mother's frame of mind at that time, it might help you understand why she made the apparent poor life choices she did. Please understand, I am definitely not saying she was right. But, doing this might help you make peace with the cards you were dealt in life so you can begin to close that old painful chapter. Go out of your way to focus your attention on the "now" and being thankful for the positive people (such as your husband) who have entered your life. Growing up you definitely received the short end of the stick. My heart goes out to that little girl whose Mother spit on her when tucking her in. I am positive as the years passed, your Mother felt guilty over her poor decisions. But, apparently she fell into a pattern of abusive behavior with you that stemmed from her relationship with your step-father. It doesn't excuse her behavior but maybe understanding it will help you move past your anger and hurt.

*edit* I didn't see your last post until after I posted this (yeah, it takes me a while to type and create coherent thoughts). You wrote: For a while after that I moved and they lost track of me. It was the most serene time ever for me since she'd met him. THAT is a HUGE indicator of how you should proceed regarding your stepfather, and your brother. As time passes, I believe you will feel relief over the fact that you no longer feel the need to maintain contact with them.

It just makes me so angry to think I've been deceived all these years into thinking I was going to be a rich woman someday and all that crap. Mom actually believed him and didn't leave any will of her own.
That he told me if "I played my cards right I'd be a rich woman someday." Then he died on the operating table and they resuscitated him and he realized he wasn't going to live as long as he thought that is forever with his herb remedies, vegetarianism and niacin therapy he adopted to keep his arteries clean. After that he became hateful again.

He even told me the night before, at a restaurant after choosing moms coffin, that he had all the money in the bank to pay off all my mortgage, with the emphasis on "it's already in the bank". He said my step brother, who was sitting there looking down had instructions. I knew it was a set up to get me going or hopeful as always and then they lay on the works, particularly my step brother with his memory of me laughing when he got hurt and then it was about why my husband didn't come and they got me pissed off. Later Bob half way down the stairs accuses me of taking his things, two that he gave Mom. I left the house without even my suitcases or the clothes on my back. I was the culprit because I had gotten mad at his golden child. I know it was all a set up when Charley said "and your mother knows." They were the only two at the funeral. My husband said he would only have one thing to say to them and that is "look around and count yourselves.
This story is to horrible to be true and Mom was a school teacher and came from a good family, beside her dad though who cheated on his wife and beat his wife too over jealousy. I guess it started then with her dad as she turned around and married men just like them. It is really painful to even realize this story is actually the story that makes up a great deal of my life and I hope I can put it on the back burner someday. I just didn't wake up in time to face the music. Mom was 12 years older then he was and they married in 1961.

I don't like the role they have forced me to take as a power less victim. Power less abused people always seek to get that power back by exerting themselves over others. That's not the person I am. However this feeling of being power less to do anything about losing my mother and any connection to her in this way is devastating. I've been disinherited after her death and Charley said I brought it on myself. Not even my son her grand child or Bob's nephew matters to them. I'm really quite shocked and I swear I'll never have anything ever more to do with them. My husband was wonderful to my step dad working hours in their garden for them under the hot sun. We walked to buy grocery's at the supermarket and then bbrought them home and cooked for them. I'd sent many precious gifts to them and post cards and this is what I end up with a hate full ending.
I hope it serves for my next life and what if I get parents like them again? I wish I knew how to let go of the anger.
His sister the artist said he was always treated well in there family of five but he was always the smart aleck and nobody did anything about it.

Michelle, you do have a lifetime full of anger and frustration. Anger is one of those emotions that is so detrimental to one's health, both physical and emotional. I know you said they don't seem to have any grief counselors or at least any that are worthwhile, in your area. Are you a member of a church where you live? I have found that a lot of churches offer group grief counseling. I think you would benefit from, and find solace with, a group of people within your own community who are going through the same thing you are. You could very well forge some new and wonderful friendships with people who were mere aquaintances before. Together you might be able to help each other make peace with the past, let go of the anger, and move forward. I really do think this is something you should look into. Everyone is uncomfortable when they first join a group. But, if you are willing to work your way through that discomfort, I do believe you will find it very much worth your time.

Regarding inheritances, my oldest brother was promised a fortune for an inheritance from our grandparents as we were growing up. When they both passed, they left whatever they had to my father, their son. If there was a lot of money, we weren't informed about it. When my father passed, there wasn't any money for any of us. My brother was beyond livid. He had set all his hopes and dreams on that money. I however, never had those expectations because I was always told that my brother would get everything. When he complained to me about the situation, I told him I had spent my life expecting nothing from anyone. So, when something nice happened, I was pleasantly surprised and extremely grateful. Going forward, he would find more happiness if he could fully embrace that concept. I also told him to focus on his wife & children and find the joy in his life through them. Michelle, you need to do the same thing. Let go of your expectations. You know that your stepfather has always manipulated you with this promise. Is the promise of money really worth trading off your mental health? He makes you miserable. Stop allowing him to control you from afar. Try to embrace this concept: He won't leave me anything. He will leave whatever he has to my half brother. THANK YOU DEAR LORD!! I don't have to put up with his manipulation and abuse any longer. I am free of that SOB. It really IS worth the trade off of my material expectations to finally have some peace of mind.

Keep repeating the above until you accept it.

If he chooses to leave you something in his will, then you can enjoy being pleasantly surprised. But, focus on your wonderful husband, your children, and your friends. It really isn't about the material things. It is all about the people we choose to surround ourselves with. You really need to accept and believe this.

This is a wonderful piece of consolance you wrote for me and it helps me close the door of the past or close the book as to say. I understand you went through hell with your mother also. Do you still have contact with your other siblings?

Pennington, I lost my mother 17yrs ago, and it really wasn't until her death that I realized that she was the enabler of my adopted fathers abuse. I always thought when I was little that she was my protector, because she never hit me, she would always put cold wash rags on my wounds and tell me how much she loved me, blah, blah, blah. I was 30yrs old when she passed away, and it took two years to realize that she wasn't my protector she was his enabler. As a mother myself, there is no way in hell I would stand by and let any man beat my children. I would find the nearest black skillet frying pan and introduce him to it!! I even wonder which was worst the physial or the mental, never knowing what was going to set him off. I can also tell you that your still trying to find that absolute love and acceptance, well I am sorry but you NEVER get it from them.
The reality is can you live with that, can you move past that and be a better woman, then your mother!! You obviously have a very loving and understanding husband.
I stopped having any contact with my adopted father, and even a brother who is just like him. I stopped having anyone that couldn't express what its like to give and take. To show love and understanding and most of all acceptance of what a true family should be. They can't hurt us any more, only we can hurt ourselves by allowing them that power over us. Now its in your hands --Do you want to be a survivor and leave that crap behind or Do you choose to still let that crap in and stay a victim!! They can't hurt us any longer---its hard to handle our memories, but that's all they are NOW!

Thanks for your reply and help. Yes I guess there is allot of out there. The night when I tried again to explain to him about why my husband didn't come right away and he brought his arm and fist down and said "I wasn't even call you except that your mother was dying(he didn't actually call me) and don't say anything more or you'll deeply regret it, understand" I thought "you don't have that power over me anymore". It was late and I didn't want to leave the house at night but I wish I had or at least made a break in early morning. I could have gone somewhere with my small suitcase and called a cab. I'll aways regret that I didn't say "goodbye" to them years ago or at least made it clear to Mom that I wanted no part of him but she would have kept on making me feel guilty over him so it would have been better to cut ties. Very unlikely for me to do as I loved mom too much. I regret not having left the house as soon as possible after he said that so he wouldn't have had the satisfaction of throwing me out. He turned the whole family against me that is left and they never wrote, though I sent them gift baskets, called and even flew over to give a eulogy for my aunts funeral. It is shocking that I couldn't even attend my own mother's funeral. They couldn't have found a better nephew,son and law and like I said I loved mom.
I tolerated him but I never let myself get very close to him as he always made it clear that I wasn't worth **** to him. The memories are like a horror film. So many instances that stuck.

Don't keep letting those memories choke you. They have no control over you anymore. You shouldn't feel that you have to send anything to any of your family members so you can get some type of recognition, that's something given freely at anytime. I wouldn't waste my time--emotions--or money on any of them. Let them have each other in misery. Don't let them control you!! Your husband and friends are your family and only they deserve your attention and efforts.