Hi My husband is a gamler and is spending our money fast. I was made redundant and used my redundancy money to pay off his credit card debt. I have since found a job and have been working for the last year and I hate the jobe. I am stressed and depressed and tomorrow is Monday and I can't face going in. My husband spends more than I earn a month on gambling, I don't see the point in going to work and pertending I am OK. A couple of times I have broken down but as I am in a position of management this is not good. What can I do.

So great you are working, just don't pay a penny to him for anything, or perhaps merely move out.

He did not start gambling overnight, so did he do this when dating, if so, why was it OK then but now it is a problem ?

Divorce may be a lot cheaper

It is necessary for you to take control of what you can take control of here.

You don't need to be bankrupt, because of his gambling. And you will be, if this carries on.

You don't need to suffer with his addiction, or justify his addiction, or support his addiction, or justify and accept excuses, lies and surprises when, for example, you go to pay for the groceries in the checkout, and your debit card won't cover a loaf of bread, because he's drained it.

The fist thing I would recommend you do, is open another bank account, and arrange auto deposit into that account. Have enough money in there to cover the bills you have to pay. Set up a second account to save 10% of what you make, to cover first and last, and out of pocket expenses on an apartment for yourself.

If there are joint credit cards, cancel them immediately. If you are a co-signatory on any loans, mortgages etc. check with your bank, and make sure that he hasn't added a second or third mortgage, or a line of credit, without your signature (he could have forged the signature), and make sure that if these things have been changed, that you seek council on how to charge him with forgery, so that you are not left holding debt that you were not aware of. The bank holds some culpability here, if he has managed to forge your signature. These things are supposed to be witnessed.

If you are signed in any joint credit cards with store cards (ie Sears, etc.), make sure of all the balances. He could be doing cash returns.

If you have jewellery or valuables in the home, get a safety depost box at the bank, and secure them.

Then deal with him, after you take care of your own business.

Tell him he has 30 days to get into addiction counselling and clean up his act. Failure to do so by 30 days- with proof- pack up your bags, and move.

You may love him, but that is not enough to pay the bills, and keep your head above water.

If he won't stop sinking your ship, then you start steering it.

And fast. Time for action.

Many thanks for your replies, already I feel better having spoken out and now know what I know I have to do is not mean but a case of survival. I have tried all of your suggestions above, I am now at the point of walking. He previously made promises that he would stop, close his accounts and have his money paid into my account, tear up credit cards and cease getting loans, to date he still continues to brak these promises. Two weeks ago he talked me into getting a thirty thousand loan against the equity of the house, a new start, he would get help, he has learnt his lesson, two weeks on he as done another two thousand and two hundred of that came from my bank account, as far as I am concerned he has stolen from me. I am going to see if the doctor can sign me off work for a week so I can make arrangements to move out, the thirty day ultimation to seek professional help sounds hopeful; hopefully he will do something.

Many thanks for all your advice.

I'm glad that you are making plans to move, and to protect yourself.

Gambling is among the most destructive of the addictions, and often times is concurrent with other problems. I hope that you are not also dealing with substance abuse as well. And be prepared when you do move, to discover more as to his gambling debts. You probably don't know the extent of the damage he has done.

That is why protecting yourself is so important right now, while he is actively gambling. When he knows that you are seriously going to move out, and you have given him an ultimatum as to getting help, he may very well become more desperate than he is now to feed the addiction to 'make things right'. I'm sure you have seen the pattern many times.

All you can do is take care of yourself, and do what you have to do. And yes, it is survival. This isn't just about him and an addiction anymore. If you don't act now, one thing is clear, it will only get worse for you.

I hope that you'll keep posting with your progress. And I hope that you have family or close friends that can help you through this.