To take things further at the moment. I'm 48 and divorced. I have dated a few men for a short time before him but all they were only after the obvious and left when they didn't get it. He's 46 and has been separated 3 years - his ex wife cheated on him subsequently marriage ended. I'm the first woman he's been out with regularly since then. We have spoken with each other every day since we met, we meet up once or twice a week (distance and jobs with shifts make it difficult otherwise), and inevitably we started getting a bit more affectionate with each other - but no sex. Over the last few weeks though he has been stating that he needs to get his "stuff sorted" - he has to sell his house and buy one closer to his work - distance an issue for him; issues with his ex wife and daughters; I've suggested counselling but he wants to sort it out himself. And now since he has now been seeing me he realised that he needs to get the "stuff" dealt with and a few days ago he discussed with me that he just wants to keep things on a friendship level until he knows what direction his life is going in. And to state the obvious I have feelings for him and he knows this, he says he can't reciprocate his feelings at the moment and feels it is unfair on me, but he says if I am happy to be friends with him then we will carry on as before - but without the pressure of becoming intimately involved. I deeply care for him and respect him and have decided to carry on being friends at this stage. I would eventually like to take things further with him but is there a limit of time?

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Originally Posted by Kashmir8

And to state the obvious I have feelings for him and he knows this, he says he can't reciprocate his feelings at the moment and feels it is unfair on me, but he says if I am happy to be friends with him then we will carry on as before - but without the pressure of becoming intimately involved. I deeply care for him and respect him and have decided to carry on being friends at this stage. I would eventually like to take things further with him but is there a limit of time?

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I think your setting yourself up for a whole lot of hurt.

He's told you that at the moment he wants nothing more than friendship. You have agreed on the basis that you would like to eventually go further than just friends. (But you haven't told him that have you?)

You are being unfair to yourself and him.

If he doesn't want to take things further after 4 months, how much longer are you going to hang around for? Will you be OK if he starts dating other women? If your answer is no then move on.

When a man wants a woman to be more than just friends... he makes it clear verbally & in actions no matter how much stuff is out there to get sorted out.

This guy sees you only as a friend & he made it clear. It would be unwise to expect anymore. Even if he is affectionate & probably in coming days he would like to sleep with you, even then he would take you as a friend for definite. Now is he a good friend? Nope. Because no good friend would just go affectionate with you & give you expectations to hope for more. I would suggest stick to your old friends.

Settling for this guy on false hope is telling yourself that you don't believe that good things can happen to you.

From how I see things I would say that you are a very fortunate person :)

You have got the courage to get out of an abusive marriage, where most women tend to stay for several reasons but you didn't.

Being single is itself peace of mind & most married women would envy you for that.

Also, you are at a beautiful & graceful age & healthy. I assume you are working to support yourself, if so then it is also an achievement. You are ready for a stable relationship, that is pretty decent too. You have got everything a person needs to feel fortunate.

If this guy does not want to have a relationship then it is something he is missing & not you. I feel sorry for the guy who is stuck with so much "stuff" that he can't afford more than friendship.

There are plenty of things that you can do to feel great about yourself and dating is just a little part of it. Why not growing yourself to that point where being just YOU feels fortunate. I would suggest that when you are ready to date again (after healing is completed) date all sorts of men- tall, short, fat, slim, smart, sporty, funny, boring, handsome, religious, old, young & enjoy more of meeting & knowing different people with different sets of mind rather than finding love. Love will come in the town when it has to :)