Hello world wide webbers,
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. I'm 21 and he's 20. He is perfect in everyway but for me I'm starting to lose my sex drive.. We used to do it like rabbits for the first 3 years and it was amazing. But now I just can't be bothered doing it and it seems like a chore. I do reach climax but it's only when I receive oral. I understand that most females can't climax without it so that's fine. But then when we have sex I just want him to hurry and orgasm.
I love him and I want to marry him but I want to enjoy sex. We are a perfect couple in every other way but I want to enjoy sex more.. This is really getting me down.
I am on the pill and I've recently had a 2 month break to see if it helped my drive and it did a little. But I don't want to have to use a condom all the time.. So I went back on but changed to a different pill and I think it's made me more emotional and down about this.
I was thinking of trying horny goat weed. But if there's ANYTHING you can say to help me out it'd be a dream.

Thanks for you time.

I might be getting this wrong but I'm getting from your post that basically for the last 3 years sex has been your boyfriend satisfying you with oral sex then you laying there waiting for him to get finished during sex. Nothing wrong with that per se, but if it has always been thus maybe you are just bored. I would be bored senseless by now I must admit.

First of all, try to stop focusing on getting your orgasm out of the way and start enjoying the journey. Start experimenting together. Make it less predictable.

While it is true that many women cannot orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone I don't think the idea that only oral sex will satisfy is true for most. Try getting your boyfriend, and/or yourself, to stimulate you before and during penetration in other ways. Get toys to help if that interests you. Try different positions which can help with access to stimulation during penetrative sex.

Can you orgasm when you masturbate? If so, then since you cannot give yourself oral stimulation that would show you there are other ways. If not, maybe it's time to spend some time experimenting yourself to see what gives you most pleasure.

Keep talking to your birth-control providers about how the pill is affecting you until you find an option that is acceptable.

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ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to QLP again.

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Boredom is a libido limiter.

How long is 'recently' a few months or two years?

I think you need to take a good look at this relationship and make certain this is what you want.

If you are 21/20 and have been together for five years, then you got together as teens (15/16). I am wondering how much your decreased libido is a symptom of growing apart from each other. This has nothing to do with how great a guy he is or well you compliment each other as a couple. Some people instead of growing closer as a romantic couple end up being better friends. It becomes the difference between 'loving' and being 'in love' with someone.

I think what QLP said is really true. Try different positions and at different times of day and in different situations. Also try exploring eachothers bodies in a different way and take your time starting up instead of rushing straight into sex. Try blind folding each other and then do it or put ear plugs in so you have to rely on your senses to feel and see. But really consider whatyou want in a relationship before you marry him. Do you want a physical relationship or not so much. Talk to each other about it. Don't feel akward talking to him especially with something as big as this and with you two dating so long! Hope this helps!

Thanks everyone so much for your responses.

I have been talking to him about everything and we are going to start trying different things.

Recently as in the past half years. Occasionally it's been amazing. But not as much as I would like (in the most non greedy way haha)
And I should have said climaxing just from oral and touching. But not touching whilst he's in me. I come close but it's difficult.
It's also upsetting cos I don't even feel horny anymore.
I used to get horny when we hadn't seen each other for ages.. But I'm happy not having sex for ages. (depressing really because he's amazing as a person and as a lover)
I used to get horny from just watching sex scenes in movies! (too much info? I am sorry)
But now. Nothing! Not even a tingle!
I did read somewhere that it may be from diet and vitamin intake.
So I'm going to be reading up on diets and start taking vitamin suppliments or something.
And have a loooooooong chat with him too =)

I have thought about this as a "love" and "in love" thing.
And I have thought HARD about it. And I know I am IN love with him still after all these years.
And of course we wouldn't be getting married soon.. not for a few years.. We are still growing up and don't want to rush to the alter anytime soon.. Too young in my opinion! Haha. Still trying to find our place in the world.

Anyway thanks again for your thoughts and ideas... I will be talking to him more about it soon.
=D

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Originally Posted by MishMewanie

And I should have said climaxing just from oral and touching. But not touching whilst he's in me. I come close but it's difficult.
=D

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Maybe at this point you feel some kind of pressure to get on with the orgasm since you sense he is getting there? Nothing like trying to hurry it to get it to be elusive. Can he keep things slow for a while at this point?

Or mabe this triggers some other worry such as pregnancy in the back of your mind?

Just keep mixing up like I said before and I think that will really help you like it has, but also do kinky stuff for each other or talk about doing those kind of things. Bring in some toys if you may need them to make it fun, but yet very interesting in bed:) You were talking about the movies and not being turned on even in sex scenes... I don't have that like you and feel terrible that you don't get turned on, but try asking him to do exactly what your watching or do what you saw on the movie after its over and play around while your watching the movie to get one another turned on and ready to do it when your done with the movie and that might hellp out later on when you watch a movie because your able to make that connection remembering what you guys did last time you watched a sexual movie and hopefully this will get you to be turned on for the up coming movies or even in bed:) Hope some of this helped! Keep talking to him, communication is very important:) Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by MishMewanie

It's also upsetting cos I don't even feel horny anymore.
I used to get horny when we hadn't seen eachother for ages.. But I'm happy not having sex for ages. (depressing really because he's amazing as a person and as a lover)
I used to get horny from just watching sex scenes in movies! (too much info? I am sorry)
But now. Nothing! Not even a tingle!!

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I think you need to talk to your doctor about having your hormones checked and looking at other types of contraceptives.

In addition to seeing your doctor, I think you need to look at your life in general. What's changed? Are you working more hours? School more stressful? Do you still have dates where you connect with each other?

What about living situations? Did those change?

SOMETHING changed--and I'm betting that it's something you're not taking into consideration.

Most women can't get there physically if they can't get there mentally--and if you're thinking about pregnancy or the dishes, or the bills, or homework, or whatever--you're not in the moment, and you're not going to really want sex.

The two of you started very young and have been together for a long time. It happens to all couples after being together for a while. The fact that you were both in middle of puberty when you got together made the sex the best on the world(although a little too young). You are both growing up. We change as we grow up and mature. Maybe his (or your) desires are leading to something different. Talk about it with him.