Ask Me Help Desk - When to have sex?

When to have sex?

Hi, I have been dating the man for about 2 months now. We started to keep in touch since May, but new each other from last year via twitter. I am quite comfortable in his company but not quite sure when to have sex with him. I can see that he would like to but he isn't rushing me. We talk a lot about everything, his family,etc and sex too. Shall I hold on and wait or just let my hair down and do it? Advice ***

It depends on your views in regard to sex. Some people feel it should only be within a marriage, or at least a long term committed relationship. Others feel ready when the relationship is exclusive. Others feel when there are strong feelings of love for each other. Others feel if you have a physical attraction is enough.

Point is the right time is what is right for you. Consider all of the possible consequences... unplanned pregnancy being a major one as no form of birth control is 100% effective even when used correctly. Another is the risk of infection. (people do not always realize they have one for sometime) Again, being wise with birth control can offer some protection.

Ultimately YOU are the one who will deal with these possible situations so you will have to decide about the "what ifs". It is unlikely that he will stay around after only dating for two months... it can happen, but unlikely no matter what he may tell you.

No one thinks it will happen to them, that it happens to everyone else... but keep in mind that to other people, you are that someone else!

Are you ready to be a mom?

When he is willing to pay child support and you are ready to raise a child. No form of birth control is 100 percent,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you ready to be a mom?

I am a mom , my daughter is 20 y.o

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klaipeda

I am a mom , my daughter is 20 y.o

Then I'm hoping you understand birth control and how to use it. (Since you hadn't mentioned your age in your original post, for all we knew you are 14.)

I would get to know a person pretty well before I had sex with him. Do you deal with people on a regular basis so that you can "read" him?

You mentioned that you talk about his family. Does that mean he is married and have children?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then I'm hoping you understand birth control and how to use it. (Since you hadn't mentioned your age in your original post, for all we knew you are 14.)

I would get to know a person pretty well before I had sex with him. Do you deal with people on a regular basis so that you can "read" him?

Thanks for putting me into 14 y.o positions, I pretty like that:)

Yes that' the point I read him and when he is with me I am comfortable. Bu I am insecure as a person and for me it is hard to know if he is being serious not because he waits for sex or because he likes me.All his actions shows that he cares and is serious, but after the sex he might change, I do not know He asked me if I want to marry him, I don't know whether he was serious or not, also he sent me the message (after we parted today's meeting) that he loves me. Also he said that he would like to have a baby with me.. I know it is strange for a woman my age ask that questions but I like fresh opnions from this site , so why not..
I don't know what to think,I know all the stuff about pregnancies of course I do, but my question is, what shall I do? Trust him and have sex now or wait longer. I would wait for 1 year but being with him makes me very comfy and I don't know what to do..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

You mentioned that you talk about his family. Does that mean he is married and have children?

He is divorced, he's got daughter that lives with him.

I would wait if I were you...

Everything he is saying sounds like pillow talk.

If he really cares about you and "wants a baby and loves you" then he will wait.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

I would wait if I were you...

Everything he is saying sounds like pillow talk.

If he really cares about you and "wants a baby and loves you" then he will wait.

You're right. How long would you wait? I know that the longer woman waits the more chances the relationship will be stronger..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klaipeda

you,re right. How long would you wait? I know that the longer woman waits the more chances the relationship will be stronger..

Well, since you asked, I will tell.

I have only made love to two men. My exhusband was my first. I was 25 when I lost my virginity. I had made him wait for 1 year before we made love. Then after my divorce, I had been with one more, I made him wait for several months before making love to him.

I am a grown woman in my 30's, and I take it being that you have a Daughter who is 20, leads me to believe you are in your late 30's +, so I understand that you are a adult, not a 16 or 20 year old. However, if it were me I would wait several months. I'm not saying years, just months.

That's just me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Well, since you asked, I will tell.

I have only made love to two men. My exhusband was my first. I was 25 when I lost my virginity. I had made him wait for 1 year before we made love. Then after my divorce, I had been with one more, I made him wait for several months before making love to him.

I am a grown woman in my 30's, and I take it being that you have a Daughter who is 20, leads me to believe you are in your late 30's +, so I understand that you are a adult, not a 16 or 20 year old. However, if it were me I would wait several months. I'm not saying years, just months.

That's just me.

Thank You that's very sweet of you to tell me about you. I agree with you:I think I need to hang on for a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klaipeda

Thank You that's very sweet of you to tell me about you. And for your compliments:) I agree with you:I think I need to hang on for a while.

You're welcome.:)

There will be plenty of time for that. And there is nothing wrong with building up the anticipation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klaipeda

Thanks for putting me into 14 y.o positions

You would not believe how many times a week this question is asked by girls under 18... or 16... It is so refreshing to be asked by someone older. That says a lot of good things about you.

While I agree about the question being refreshing coming from someone older than a teen, I would still say the same thing.

Wait until you feel truly ready... do not fall for any feeling of being talked into it with sweet words (even though you said he isn't rushing you)... understand that you could be having and raising a baby on your own without his involvement... make sure you are confident in yourself that you aren't swayed by wanting to feel loved, needed, desired, etc. and make sure you feel he is truly committed if you are looking for something more than a casual fling; try before you buy sort of thing.