So I've slept with a couple of guys before.. a boyfriend, a one night stand and all that jazz...
I'm notorious for my flirting so I don't have trouble attracting guys and I could definitely go home with a lot of them if I wanted to
The problem is that when I do get into bed with a guy.. I go shy, I won't talk cause I don't know what the guys want to hear... I don't know what they exactly expect me to do (I mean besides the oral part of it you know) what do you guys like girls to do in bed? Talk? Don't talk? Take over? I don't know! I don't want to sleep around I just want to not feel so self conscious in bed cause its supposed to be fun... words of wisdom anyone?

jadedjade, how old are you? We need to know to be able to answer your question.

Oh right sorry I'm 19

OK so I asked a question about this a little while ago but accidentally put it in 'dating'

I'm 19 and have been with a couple of guys but basically I go shy when I am having sex.. I don't talk because I'm not really sure what to say.. and I don't exactly know what guys would like girls to do in bed.. I don't want to sleep around but I would like to enjoy sex more than I do now and not be so unwilling to go all the way because I'm so afraid that a guy will be disapointed with my shyness

Guys any suggestions of what you like girls to do or say and girls any tips?
Thanks :)

Hello Jade,

Do you have a boyfriend as of now? If so, how long have you been together?

No I don't have a boyfriend now.. I did have one about a year ago and we were together for about a year and a half.. I was shy even with him even though I was very comfortable with him

How about TALKING about it with your partner--preferably when you are NOT in bed.

If you can't talk about sex with someone, if you're not comfortable enough to discuss that you are shy in bed and would like help overcoming that with your partner, you're NEVER going to get over it--and you shouldn't be having sex with someone you can't be completely open with, anyway.

I have a feeling you were not as comfortable with your ex as you think.

We did talk about it.. out of bed... but seeing as we were each other's firsts we weren't exactly that experienced
And like I said I don't want to sleep around
I'm just wondering if this is normal at all to go shy while having sex

Hello Jade,

I think it's normal to feel shy the first few times while making love.

It's like when you first kiss someone, the newness can be overwhelming, but in a good way. You might find that you are nervous and shy at first, but then after a while you get used to it with that same partner.

If it's going on all of the time, then I believe you should be talking to your partner about it.

I do agree with Synnen, if you can't dicuss it, then you shouldn't be having sex.

And there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to sex. Do a lot of inexperienced people experience shyness? Sure! But just as many jump right in.

Knowing what you like and want is a must. Orgasms during traditional sex are usually easy for men. Not so much for women.

Get to know yourself really well. Masturbate using fingers, toys and what-not. Use a mirror and see all of you. Set aside time to spend with your body and use it.

Men, in my experience are titillated by the excitement aspects of sex like anticipation. But each guy runs his excitement through his own brain which is full of different triggers.

So, yes, being able to discuss everything with him, both in and out of bed is important. Knowing as much as possible about yourself is paramount to a productive discussion.

Learning new things about both of you through both experience and conversation is what a relationship grows by.

So I'm a guy, for what that's worth.

And that doesn't mean I speak for all of mankind, for the record. Half of us are idiots. The other half are arses. Some are both. Ill let you decide what I am.

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The very most important thing you need from all of this is to know that you must be most concerned with your own sexual satisfaction.

I completely get why you want to please your lover. Why you are seeking confidence through a partners ability to be pleasured. We all do it.

If a woman writes in here about a boyfriend who gets off too soon for her, we will rant and rave about what an a$$ he is, how ungiving, how self centered. Therefore... the person who seeks to please his partner is the Good One. Right?

Sort of.

There needs to be quid pro quo. There needs to be balance. Give and take.

The man who spends all of his time in bed trying to please his parter is just a sexual butler. Yes... its great to attend to her needs. I think most of the time, the woman should be driven to orgasm first, for many reasons.

But being a servant gets boring. For him. For her.

So... my point is this... find some middle ground. Don't fret too much on what a man wants... and focus most on what you need.

As a man... I want to enjoy your body. I want an orgasm. I want to feel you enjoy me in bed with you. And I want you to get off.

Confidence is the sexiest thing on earth. Some are born with it. Some need to work for it.

I hope you focus on you... your needs. Your wants. Your desires.

Because I can tell you that the best sex I've ever had wasn't gauged by whether I got off... it was measured by the connection I had with that woman... her ability to be in the moment, at that moment. Her drive to demand what she wanted and needed. Her willingness to touch herself when I was inside her. Her fearlessness in asking or demanding what she needed from me.

So... if you aren't there, don't fret. So many people don't know what they need or want or don't know how to ask for it. So many people aren't comfortable in their own skin.

And that's OK. Guess what? You are mortal. ;)

Now own your humanity. There is no one perfect recipe for sex... whether male or female... but one sort of constant I've seen, and personally experienced over the years, is that, more often than not, it is best to shake off the pretense and just explore, out loud, your wild and precious life in bed.

One man might want to dominate. Another might want you to be the aggressor. There is no one perfect recipe.

But, in my experience, the woman who stops getting in her own way... she's the one getting her way more often than not.

A lot of people tend to be shy, When you find yourself in the right relationship with the right person long enough and you get really comfortible that shyness will decrease. Its sort of like when you are with a few of your best friends out on the town vs. people you may not know as well.

What important is youdo only what you are comfortible with, when you are ready to do it.

Its important to be yourself and not try to be or do what you think someone else expects you to be or do. Anyone who truly cares about you will expect nothing more.

As others have mentioned... you have to understand yourself... what your likes are, what your dislikes are. Nobody will know you, like you do.

There are no one size fits all answers on specifics. Every woman is unique, and that's a good thing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jadedjade

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im just wondering if this is normal at all to go shy while having sex

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You're a newbie, of course it's normal. A lot of people are shy and careful about anything they try they aren't sure of. Like, my first time playing Blackjack at a casino, I knew how to play, but when I'd sit at a table I'd get nervous and leave. Took some time to get used to but now I feel right at home at a table.

Relax, you'll get comfortable.

Jade, if I do the math correctly, you were about 17 when you were with your ex-boyfriend. That is barely old enough to know what begins to turn you on. As you learn yourself and what you like, you won't be as 'shy'.

Read, watch, fantasize and see what mentally you are comfortable with. Go out on dates. Someday, you will meet the person who really turns you on and being shy will be the last thought on your mind.

Why do you "go shy" when you get them into bed? You flirt and can get them but is it just that conquest you are looking for or something else. Men like attention in bed, They like a woman who knows what she wants. Jump their bones. Touch him and let him know that you are ready, willing and able. Don't flirt with a guy, get him in bed than turn it all off and expect them to do all of the driving!!

First, please don't use the Comments feature to post follow-up. That's not what its for. Use the Answer options.

A guy wants two things. First he wants to feel pleasure himself. Second he wants to know he provided pleasure for his partner.

Different people like different things... if you are going to be intimate with a guy, why not ask him? He's the one who will know what he likes or not. If you can't talk about it, that might tell you that you shouldn't be doing it in the first place either with that person or at that time.

If you truly care about a guy, you would have already gotten to know him and it won't be difficult because it will be natural. Sure you might be nervous at first, but you would be more into enjoying being with him than wondering whether you are making the right moves and "doing it right".

If you are just jumping into bed with a guy, then what does it matter? You would ultimately be there for your needs and wants anyway, not his, but you could always ask him as well just to be polite.