Heartbroken... what can I do?
I'm new to this forum and need your help! Sorry this is going to be so long, but please bear with me!
My boyfriend (or ex now) broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I'm devastated.
We met last September, I really liked him when I met him but didn't really want a relationship at the time as I had been hurt a lot in previous relationships, he kept chasing after me and told me he wanted to be with me and told me he wouldn't hurt me. I ended up wanting to be with him also as he was amazing to me, treating me like a princess and we fell so deeply in love and everything was amazing. We both said we had never been happier, we believed that what we had was so special, he was always telling me how happy he was how special and rare I was. We were spending a lot of time together and even went on holiday together just after 4 months together... however when we got back from holiday his friends started to complain that he was spending too much time with me and he was hardly going out with them, so he listened to his friends and began to back off from me and started going out with his friends...
I never had a problem with that, as when we first started going out he was the one always chasing after me, always wanting to see me, and I always insisted that he not drop his friends for me and to keep going on nights out with his friends.. however once we fell in love we were spending all our time together and kind of forgot about the world around us, which usually happens in relationships around the honeymoon period.
Anyway, so I felt like he started being off with me, and not so in love as we were so I began to feel insecure and felt like I was losing him. Around this time I fell ill with glandular fever and had to leave uni and stay at home for a few weeks. He was still at uni and was going out all the time and I felt like we began to drift apart.. when I returned to uni we were arguing loads, and he said that we needed to take a break from each other, that the reason we were arguing so much was because we were spending too much time together and taking the other for granted... I was so upset, but he said it would only be for a few days in order to fix the relationship. The next day though he removed our relationship status from Facebook, I was devastated and began calling him asking why he did it if he said we are only taking a break and not actually breaking up. And he said he's been wanting to take it down for a while as he feels its private information (even though he's the one who put it up in the first place). And then he said well we are breaking up for a few days, and if we love each other and still miss each other we will get back together. Two days later he called me and said he made a mistake and asked for me back, I was so hurt by what he did but loved him so much I had to take him back.
Then it was the easter holidays and our home towns are far away from each other so we spent about 3 weeks apart, although we were happy again and things felt back to normal, we talked nearly every day online or on the phone. After 3 weeks we went back to uni for our exams. We were both stressed with exams and ended up arguing a lot,(when he was at home he was spending a lot of time with a girl, he said nothing happened and I believed him but I got jealous and felt like I had to keep questioning him so it led to arguments).
So he said while we have our exams we should take a break from each other, but I was so scared of losing him again I couldn't leave him alone. I couldn't concentrate on my revision, even though I knew it was more important, and it stressed him out even more and we ended up arguing so much, that when we finished our exams he broke up with me.
He said that he couldn't handle the arguments anymore, that he couldn't be in a relationship anymore, he still loved me and still thought I was amazing and special, but it was too much stress for him.
Of course I was absolutely devastated. It wasn't like the last break up that was for a few days, this felt like the real thing!
I did the normal girl thing of calling him everyday begging him to change his mind, to not give up on us, that the stress was from exams, that he can't give up on something so amazing. But I couldn't change his mind and we both had to leave uni to go to our home towns.
Once we were apart, we kept in contact talking nearly every day, just like how we used to when we were together and apart, he began to tell me he missed me and wanted to see me but couldn't.. I kept praying every day hed take me back... then one day, my prayers were answered and he said hed been thinking about us and how much he missed me and really wanted to give us another try and if we didn't work out then he'd know we shouldn't be together.
So after 2 months of being apart and not seeing each other, he invited me to his home town to spend 2 weeks with him. When we first saw each other it was amazing, and it was clear we were both so happy to see each other. But I expected us to talk about our relationship and our problems once I got there, I still didn't understand why he broke up with me the last time, why he told me he couldn't have a relationship and now asking for me back. But we never talked, he said it wasn't necessary, that we should just see how things go, so I kept quiet. We had fun and just jumped straight into a relationship, and how we used to be, but then arguments began to creep up again. I found myself having to protect myself because I was so scared of getting hurt again and so I was always arguing back and standing up for myself, which made him angry and arguments worse. On my last day I asked him if he felt like we worked out and he said we'll see I have to think.
I knew we had arguments but I felt like they happened because we hadn't resolved all our issues or talked about our relationship when I arrived. ( we had about 4 arguments in 16 days, about trivial things) I feel like we shouldn't have rushed so much into things and should have taken things more slowly. But he doesn't see that, he just thought we argued too much and that the reason we argued is because we are not right for each other, so he ended it on the phone a few days afer I left. Which is now 2 weeks ago. The first week I kept calling him trying to convince him that he's wrong, that we are right for each other that we were so amazing together at the beginning and we can go back to that if we just work at it, that the reason why we argued is because we didn't talk about everything, and when we got on things were so amazing.
But he kept saying I can't change his mind that he's made his decision. He says we gave it another try and it didn't work and that this is the end for us.
So now I've just left him alone, and hoping that if I leave him alone he'l start to miss me and remember the good times. I don't want to give up on him or us, I have never loved anyone like this before, and when we were happy we both said that we had never been happier. And in my eyes in those two weeks yes we argued, but when we were fine we got on so well, always having a laugh.. and our sexual chemistry is amazing, I feel we have a connection and I know he still loves me, I can't give up on him.
What do you think? How can I get him back and convince him we are right for each other and that he shouldn't let those arguments ruin what we have? Or should I just give up? I don't want to though!
