I am with my boyfriend 1yr and 4 months.. we have a great relationship.. I have a 6yr old daughter and he is very good with her and she loves him... he stays over 6 nights out of a week... but... he said he's not sure if he's ready to move in?. I just don't get it... am I wasting my time here... and most of all I wouldn't have had him in my daughters life... if he was going to be like this.. the strange thing is before he couldn't wait to move in... maybe he has it all to handy... he still has his place to go back to when he wants?. :-(

So he wants his cake and eat it to, so to speak.

Is it possible he has reasons, and is just not telling you what they are? It seems odd that he would develop such a strong relationship with you and your daughter, yet, not make it official.

Six days a week with you, and one on his own. Why does he maintain a separate residence when he doesn't have to.

I would be having a few more expectations at this stage of the game. Maybe time for a good sit down talk,and ask him what his intentions are. Is he going to move in, or not. Is he going to make a long term commitment to you and your daughter, or not. Is he ever going to be ready and able to be comfortable enough to have a full life with you, or is he going to keep this (mostly symbolic) arms length thing going on.

Be honest and tell him the truth about how you feel. Tell him you are uncomfortable with him not fully making a commitment, and you need to know when, and if he will ever be. It is unfair to you and your daughter to play house, and have him as a father figure in your daughter's eyes, but, still hedging.

He needs to hang his hat in one location, and make up his mind which location that will be.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by carla1

the strange thing is before he couldnt wait to move in

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It seems to me that both of you have changed your feelings on his moving in.

'before he couldn't wait to move in'. When was 'before' (how long ago) and what was your reaction to his wanting to move in then? What changed in your mind to allow him to move in?

I can understand his reluctance to change residences if he has the perception that you changed how you felt when he took a step back on moving in. Is he getting mixed messages?

Talk with him. If you can't communicate effectively now and find a compromise, it would only be worse if he does move in.

I understand your frustration. Your playing house, but, not really.

Did he want to move in when you first met him and you said no?

Maybe he's a bit gun shy as a result. I would talk to him and lay all your cards on the table. Especially with having a child involved.

There are 3 of you in this relationship and if he isn't playing for keeps then I would move on.


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