Hello everyone, like said my girlfriend and the one I thought would be with me forever has left me because she went to college. I am 20 and she is 19, we loved to be together and always spent lots of time together. Last year I went to college and she was scared that I would leave her for someone else and we pushed through it and made it.

I know money is not everything, but I would buy her every single thing she wanted that I had the ability to buy. I would rush over to her house every time something bad happened and she needed somebody. Every time she had a problem I was right next to her to solve it. When I went to college and she needed me I would be there as soon as I could. Likewise she was always there for me.

Now that she went to college she became different. We never really talked like we used to. She has only been away from me for less than two weeks. She just broke up with me, but we talked and worked things out and got back together. The next day she brakes up with me again and won't talk to me or anything. So the next day I go to her school to see and we talk and get back together and everything seems nice and okay. I go home and talk to her on the phone that night and we and I tell her I'll be up next weekend to see you and she says okay. Two days have gone by and she started to act funny again and I call her on the phone and she says that she is confused and just wants time to be herself. So now we are broken up again.

I really love her and I want to be there for her but I really do not know what to do now. Over the past week she has made me so angery and stressed, but I really love her. She brakes up with me, but comes back and says she loves me so much and wants things to work then she ends up braking up with me again. I just got back to school and I have just gotten a new job last week that is really good, but I can not really live right now like this.

I really do not know what to do or how to handle any of this.

The main problem is I am not really a people person. I have never really had a girlfriend that lasted longer than a month or two and this is the first girl that I have really loved. I do not think I will be able to go out and be able to be the same again.


I have been looking around for help and I have found this site and was reading a few things. If I did something wrong I am sorry, but I am in a confused and stressful state right now.

I think the best (but possibly hardest) thing you can do right now is to stop talking to her. Break all contact. Let her come to you.

If your relationship was important to her she'll come back to you. You're both young and have been together for most of your young dating life. Maybe she just is curious what's out there.

I know personally I think about it from time to time. Maybe she just needs time alone, time to spend on school, with friends, etc. You guys are young and should take this time apart to figure out what you want from life.

The pain will pass eventually and give you a clear head to be rational and think about the situation a little more clearly. Relationships are a difficult thing.

You definitely don't want to do the back and forth of being together one day, broken up the next. That's lasted long enough. She knows where you stand: you still want her and love her. Let her decide if she wants the relationship to continue because if she doesn't, you can want it, need it all you want, a relationship is a two-way deal. You can't carry it on your own.

Hope this helps :) Just be strong and if you need people to talk to, come back here, we can try to help you through it!

I am surprised that you haven't tried giving her what she has asked for, and leaving her alone, since your efforts to talk her back to you have yielded the same results, she just breaks up with you again.

Leave her alone, and let her do her thing, while you do yours, without each other. That way at least the emotional dust can settle, and you and her can think without influence from each other.

She wants to explore, let her, it's a big world out there, and you just have to understand her curiosity.

Thanks everyone, but I could have added a little more.

I tend to me more mature and I really like to think things through before I do something. If we were done and she wanted nothing to do with me I could accept that and I could move on.

After we broke up I told myself okay I will be done with her now, but she ends up calling me and says she really needs me to be with her so I go up to her school and talk to her. She tells me she really loves me and wants to be with me, but when two days later she gets confused.

It is not like I am sitting all alone and I am doing everything in my power to get her back. Its really hard for me because I believe she really loves me and wants things to work, but I think there is something in the middle that is happening.

I know her mom has not really like me too much and I know her mom has been trying to pull us apart. Then there is her roommate and she likes to party and spend lots of time with different guys. Before I met my girlfriend she feel into a lot of peer pressure and did get into trouble. I was able to keep her out of trouble and she made much better decisions when I was around.

To make things short and sweet if she wants to be alone okay and same thing is she doesn't want to be together that is okay as well, but she keeps sending me mixed signals and it is really hard on me.

Now she is trying to push me to still be friends with her and I told her. I really love you, there is nothing more that I would like than to be with you and I am still very attacted to you, but there is no way I could end up being friends with you after all we have been through. She keeps on pushing that.

I believe she wants to be together but I feel she is being pushed into peer pressure or her mother is trying to get me out of the picture.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnS42

but she keeps sending me mixed signals and it is really hard on me.

---

She can't give you mixed signals if you don't let her.

Its not hard. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.

Stop sitting around waiting for her to dictate to you how you live your life. Make your own life without her

Leave her to her games and drama. Do you really want to be with someone who so obviously doesn't want to be with you? Because if she did you two would be together.

She may be confused, or she may be under pressure, it really doesn't matter. What matters is the actions you take, and decisions you make.

You leave her alone, and stop being so available to her. You stop talking her back, and you stop running to talk.

Because she is confused for whatever reason, and sends mixed signals, doesn't mean you should be the same way. In a long distance relationship, which you seem to have, one of the things that becomes a problem is what you both do when you are not with each other, and how well you communicate. She is in a new environment, and has to make changes, and adjustments for herself, amid many new distractions, and experiences, and pressures, with new freedoms as well. That's not easy, you know that, but it's a red flag, when you are there, she gives in, but when your not, she wants a break.

Let her have her break, and be very clear you won't be a yo yo. I think the bottom line is she wants to explore, and she needs time to make up her mind without your influence. I think she needs more attention than you can give her any way, as she finds the right path for herself. This has to be done on her own, because for sure you can't be the only one holding this relationship together, and either she carries some weight, or she doesn't.

That's why you leave her alone, and be less available. Stop and think that after 3 years you don't have a solid plan together to work toward, then you are bound to flail in limbo, going no where, and that's where your both at right now. Looking for the next phase of your own lives, and have no common direction.

Maybe it's best that you both do your own thing for a while. You both are still quite young for a life-long, committed, relationship right now. I know that it's hard for you to understand, and even to swallow, but time will tell if you're meant to be together.

Relationships are hard. Especially when there's college life, and all the other experiences that go with youth. We often go through many at that age. I know I did.

Go to new places. Join a club. Get a new hobby. Go try to be a "people person". Do new things with new people. Life is what you make it.

Meanwhile, give her what she wants. If it's space and time, then give her space and time.

Keep your dignity and honor.

Love can take us to our highest highs, and lowest lows.

I feel for you buddy.

Good luck.

A lot of good advice above. Follow it. If you want to feel different, doing the same thing will not change anything. You want a drastic change in feeling be prepared to make a drastic change in some capacity.

You mention that you like to think things over. Worst ability in the world when it comes to break-ups. Already you are going over scenarios that would explain why this is all happening. First her mother, her confusion, etc. You'll never know, unsolved mystery, stop playing detective.

I believe that you did indeed treat her as you say. However, all those things are trivial if she does not feel the same. It's not because you didn't buy her something or didn't hug her one time, it's change. Change that is very common around your age. College, crossroad for change (one of many mind you). Some long to hold on to the past, some embrace the future with respect to old and new friends during this time. She is exploring the latter, you are holding on to the former.

You don't need to know all the answers, in some cases you don't even want to know them. Just accept this as part of the process.

Thanks again everyone I completely understand what you all are saying and it is very helpful. I know I am only 20 and right now is a hard time for me, but I do understand what I am in life and where I want go to and what to do.

As I was in class today I got a text message and right away my heart dropped and I knew everything that was in the text.

This has been the first time that I have completely ignored her and I did not chase after her and then out of nowhere I get a text from her.

One of the texts say, "I do not feel right when we are together, but when we are apart I feel even worse and can not stop thinking about you."

The moment I give her up and start to live again she pulls me back in. I can get over her, but I will always love her deep down.

That is the main problem going on right now.

It will fade from your emotional radar, and you can then have a better perspective of your own situation, and deal with the facts, and not be blinded by feelings. Takes some time away from her influence is all.

You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Period.
Trust me I've been through it.
Focus on yourself. Go to school. Workout. Be independent.

Check out the book, How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days. Get it off Amazon.