Ask Me Help Desk - Military Mom HELP!

Hello. I am a 20 year old mother in the military. I have a 2 year old daughter who I have raised by myself. I informed the man that fathered her when I was pregnant and he said I was a slut and denied the unborn child. I then had her and he still denied her. I had to leave my daughter with my parents from June 2009 - June 2010 to go to Iraq on deployment. Apparently he had contact with my family knowing I was gone. This man has NEVER paid a single penny towards child support or helped with anything. I recently got served with court papers saying he wants half custody. I am now married, my husband is also in the military. He is representing himself in court and I got a lawyer. He still lived at home with his parents, has no job, and says he goes to a community college. I am on orders to Germany and am bringing my daughter with me. I plan on trying to get his rights terminated and have a step parent adoption done. Is there any way I could lose custody. He is not even on the birth certificate. Please provide feedback ASAP. I have my court date September 30th.

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Originally Posted by kendalllambert

Hello. I am a 20 year old mother in the military. I have a 2 year old daughter who I have raised by myself. I informed the man that fathered her when I was pregnant and he said I was a slut and denied the unborn child. I then had her and he still denied her. I had to leave my daughter with my parents from June 2009 - June 2010 to go to Iraq on deployment. Apparently he had contact with my family knowing I was gone. This man has NEVER paid a single penny towards child support or helped with anything. I recently got served with court papers saying he wants half custody. I am now married, my husband is also in the military. He is representing himself in court and I got a lawyer. He still lived at home with his parents, has no job, and says he goes to a community college. I am on orders to Germany and am bringing my daughter with me. I plan on trying to get his rights terminated and have a step parent adoption done. Is there any way I could lose custody. He is not even on the birth certificate. Please provide feedback ASAP. I have my court date September 30th.

First, you cannot terminate his rights. Before anything happens paternity has to be proven by Court-ordered DNA. I trust he has made an application to the Court - ?

Paying child support and having visitation/custody are two different things.

I don't know that you can lose custody; I do know that the father is entitled to visit with his child and I don't know how the Court will handle your deployment. You have no grounds to terminate his rights; your husband cannot adopt the child without the written consent of the father.

Why didn't you ever file for child support? The father COULD have filed for custody when you were gone and your child was with your family - he has a better right to the child than your family does (once paternity is proven).

Why do you think him attending community college makes a difference?

1. you are not going to terminate his rights, since obviously he wants contact and is fighting for it
2. he does not owe any child support till there is a child support order, it appears that you never got one?
3. He has a right to ask for partial custody or at least visits.

He will win at least the rights to visit the child, so you may as well expect that. Could he win a higher level of custody, very possible, men are getting more and more rights