Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend break-up

My boyfriend of 5 and a half years broke up with me about three months ago. We maintained our relationship for the four years I was away at college (he never went away to school) and he broke up with me 1 month after I graduated. Talk about rough. I cut off contact for the first two weeks we broke up and he began contacting me again telling me that he felt like an idiot for letting me go. However, two weeks was not nearly enough time for me to get my emotions in order and I ended up getting hurt again because I let him back into my life under the guise that we could be "friends" (the whole time hoping he would change his mind and ask for me back). When he didn't, I started back at square one with my heartbreak. Although the last time we spoke was positive, I decided to implement no contact 8 days ago. He doesn't realize this yet since he has not tried to contact me since then, but he is used to me being there for him every time he has tried contact so far. By following the no contact rule I hope to gain my sense of worth back and get re-aquainted with myself and back on my feet. If nothing else, at least I will achieve that even if we never speak to each other again. However, I also want to bring his intentions to the surface so I know where he stands since he will not give me a straight answer so far. If he wants me in his life and I ignore his attempts at contact, he will keep trying and address what went wrong in our relationship. If he does not persist, at least I know his offer of "friendship" will not continue to hurt me. No contact is the best solution to healing after a break-up and finding the power to give yourself closure when the other person refuses to give you that. In my opinion, I have nothing to lose that I have not already lost. It's hard as hell but stay strong!

Kbrown, you added this to an old thread. I moved it so that we can help you about your issue alone.

You're doing all the right things. NC is very tough and painful, but it's the Most quick way to get over someone, although it is very hard to believe in the beginning.

NC will let you gain a perspective and will give you back the power over your life and emotions. Keep moving forward and don't look back. If he was an idiot for letting you go, then let him be that idiot while you're on your way to better and happier life.

Good luck and godspeed.

You are on the right path with NC, but do yourself a favor, and forget about his so called "INTENTIONS", and him realizing his mistakes and working on them. That's blatant false hope, and you could seriously hurt your OWN healing, and ability to rebuild a life that you enjoy without him, that makes you happy.

Who cares about his "intentions", and what he wants? You should NOT.

It's great that you realised that this is the best way to go so quick after the break up.. A lot of people go through denial after a break up.. me included :) lol you are on the right track be strong!

Wow kbrown, you are really wise :) I wish I could have been this wise so sooner. Even with people drilling it in my head, I was not at the point you are now. Good job, I'm impressed by your perspective and will.

Thanks everyone so much for the support! With every day that goes by without contacting my ex, I gain more and more perspective on the situation. My ex has been partying 5 nights a week with a new group of friends since we broke up. With my sights set on Grad school, I don't have the time or patience to deal with someone who's main priority in life is getting drunk with friends. I know now that I deserve more than that in a relationship and I will hold out for someone who will put me first. I actually have a date on Saturday that I am excited about! Thanks again for all the support... keep it coming I know I will hit some rough patches!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kbrown3300

Thanks everyone so much for the support! With every day that goes by without contacting my ex, I gain more and more perspective on the situation. My ex has been partying 5 nights a week with a new group of friends since we broke up. With my sights set on Grad school, I don't have the time or patience to deal with someone who's main priority in life is getting drunk with friends. I know now that I deserve more than that in a relationship and I will hold out for someone who will put me first. I actually have a date on Saturday that I am excited about! Thanks again for all the support...keep it coming I know I will hit some rough patches!

Good for you... I just started grad school myself and this is really a hard work that requires a lot of dedication. If I were you, I'd keep dating light and casual at the moment... let yourself heal properly. As for your ex.. he is a fool, and you do deserve better.