I went to a party last night and I was trying to understand why my boyfriend likes hanging around his x-wife and her boyfriend and I was coming to some understanding that they had a lot of things they liked in common and her kids grew close to him in the course of there relationship so I was getting to the point I was OK with this situation. Then he was drunk and sat by her instead of me and he was talking about her missing ridding on his mustach and later her phone vibrated and she said she kind of liked it so he said oh yea that vibrator I can tell you a story about that and then he looked up and saw me looking at him and said oh forget about that. Am I wrong for getting angry? I would like to talk to him about it but doubt I'd get an honest answer about what he is feeling anyway he just gets deffensive and makes it my problem. How do I work this out for myself?

If this was the only occasion something like this
Has happened, and he was drunk, I wouldn't worry
Too much about it.

But I would tell him that you feel his behavior was
Inappropriate crude, and thoughtless toward you.
And leave it at that.

Drunks and ex wives or girfriends
Or boyfriends don't mix very well.

He sounds like a slob.

I would be very angry by this drunken behavior, but its unclear why you party with his ex, and her boyfriend, in the first place.

Like Kit said drunks, and exes don't mix well. Maybe that the real change to make. Tell him you don't like it and it doesn't matter how he reacts does it? Make sure he is sober, though.

Are you saying that because he was drunk, his behaviour was understandable?

All he did was do what he would have done sober, but didn't have the courage to.

You overheard this, and somehow, he can soft shoe it, and get away with it.

Bottom line, he has to talk about his drinking behaviour, and his lack of responsibility and accountability- to you. The least you should expect in any relationship, is honesty.

If he doesn't have to answer for his behaviour, then why would the behaviour change, or better yet- stop.

He is too friendly with her, and her new boyfriend sounds like he has no idea how steamy and inappropriate his girlfriends conversations are with her ex.

But, more than that, if he cannot talk about it, what else can't he talk about, or what happens in the future when serious issues come up about finances, kid troubles, deaths in the family. If he is a poor communicator now, with you (obviously doesn't have a problem communicating with his ex), do you have reason to think it will get better?

If he shuts you down when you have legitimate concerns and need to be heard, because he doesn't like the subject matter, he's very shallow in the communicaton end all the way around.

What he has done with his ex is one thing, but not being able to see that it has caused a problem that needs to be dealt with, is quite another.

Being unwilling to talk about it, would be having me question the whole relationship entirely.

Being drunk doesn't excuse the way he treated you. You would obe surprised how many times I've read about "I slept with my boyfriends best friend when I was drunk" or "my boyfriend got drunk and slept with his ex" It is not an excuse for cheating or
Making someone else feel like a fool.

Comment on martinizing2's post

Thank you for your input I did speak to him and I Think he thinks its no big deal so maybe I shouldn't let ti bother me?
I will get an I don't care attitude and know where he is every night with me so shy worry right? We have mutual friends.

Comment on Jake2008's post

Thank you for the insite I am going to get along with her when I have to and avoid her when I can. SHE WAS AT A FRIENDS LAST WEEK AND TOLD ME SHE TALKED TO MY BOYFRIEND A COUPLE TIMES AND I HOPE I Didn't GET HIM IN TROUBLE?

Comment on Kitkat22's post

I'VE DONE THINGS WHEN I WS DRUNK iM NOT PROUD OF BUT NOT RESPECTING MY SIGN/ OTHER IS NOT SOMETHING ID DO AND THINK ITS OK. IM LETTING IT GO AND IF HE IS WITH ME EVERY NIGHT IM NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT

Well it did take a while but it's good to get updates anytime.