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-   -   Is it wrong for a 39 year old woman to date an 18 year old? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=504995)

  • Sep 5, 2010, 02:10 PM
    ellie321
    Is it wrong for a 39 year old woman to date an 18 year old?
  • Sep 5, 2010, 02:19 PM
    Kitkat22

    What state do you live in? What in the world would you have in common?
  • Sep 5, 2010, 04:01 PM
    Dysenchanted

    If where you live it is legal, I guess it's not "wrong". Maybe socially awkward but I don't think there's really a problem.
  • Sep 5, 2010, 04:50 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Get used to being asked, Is that your son when you are out in public, or the boy being asked if that was his mom he was with.

    Or people talking behind women's back about her new "boy toy" but again 11 years is not that big a deal as both get older.

    So is it wrong, as long as both are willing to endure what others may say
  • Sep 5, 2010, 05:07 PM
    ScottGem

    Define wrong. If you are asking if its illegal, the answer is no. There are no laws governing dating. Its not even illegal to have sex with him since he's over the age of consent.

    But from the viewpoint of most of society, you are what is referred to as a cougar. There is also a question of what you could possibly have in common.

    In my opinion from a moral and ethical standpoint it certainly isn't something I would agree to or condone.
  • Sep 5, 2010, 05:16 PM
    Kitkat22

    Good luck at the prom.
  • Sep 6, 2010, 06:04 AM
    talaniman

    No its not wrong, if that's what you want to do. You and his mom will have a lot in common, but expect a lot of gossip, and stares.
  • Sep 6, 2010, 07:27 AM
    QLP

    Thinking of how my son was at 18 I wouldn't have liked it very much. Not that I could have done anything about it of course, but inviting my children's partners round for Sunday lunch would certainly have felt odd in this case. Have you met his parents yet? I would guess that might be the biggest hurdle but maybe that's just me.
  • Sep 6, 2010, 08:10 AM
    Jake2008
    How would it come about that a relationship could develop with a kid that is 21 years younger than yourself.

    Do you have other children, a husband? Are you a professional such as a teacher? Did you 'meet' online?

    How did you meet, and how did the relationship part start.

    If you are a teacher, it is indeed wrong, and inappropriate, and you would hopefully lose your job, as other teachers have before you. If it is a friends son, or if you have a son that age, and it is his friend, that too is inappropriate and you risk your relationship with your son, and possibly your husband, if you have one, or your boyfriend (if you have one of those your own age).

    If you were a 39 year old man, asking if it was okay to date an 18 year old girl, what would you think the reaction would be. What would you think if somebody asked you that question?

    If you are asking if it is legal, I have no idea, but I think that it would be a waste of taxpayer dollars to make it unlawful in the books, because most people would not be asking the question seriously in the first place.

    Care to fill in a few blanks here?
  • Sep 6, 2010, 08:15 AM
    talaniman

    Sorry, I can't see him doing anything but wanting sex from you. If that's all you want (which I doubt) then I am sure he is only too willing to accommodate you.
  • Sep 6, 2010, 09:03 AM
    martinizing2
    Comment on talaniman's post
    And capable too
  • Sep 6, 2010, 09:07 AM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Sorry, I can't see him doing anything but wanting sex from you. If thats all you want (which I doubt) then I am sure he is only too willing to accommodate you.

    Or possibly he could be a stud muffin and she wants his bod!! :eek:
  • Sep 6, 2010, 09:19 AM
    FoxCash

    Could be a money thing as well. Most times when you see a younger celeb get with a older celeb people are always thinking it's because the older one has a lot of money and may kick off soon.

    Could also be a mid-life crisis for the 39 year old. 40 is nagging them closely by and are scared so they feel if they snag a younger guy then they won't be that close to what they feel is old.

    Regardless of the reasons, it's not necessarily wrong for you two to date. It's to each their own. But it's not something that everyone is going to accept. You may loose friends, he may loose friends. (Of course he may gain brownie points from his friends). If you can date while being comfortable about the negative, views, looks, and things people will say then you might be able to pull it off.

    But there are other things to consider. The both of you are at different levels in your lives. You have a lot of experience, have accomplished a lot and should be nearly settled in your life. While he is just freshly starting, possibly not even knowing what he wants to do with his life. A relationship like this is either going to hold him back from starting his life or cause a lot of problems in which the relationship eventually ends because you realize you two are at different areas in your lives.

    If it's just a short fling of sorts then if you're comfortable with it, have fun. But if you're aiming for the long term there's a lot to think about.
  • Sep 6, 2010, 09:32 AM
    ScOrPio_95

    Well opinion that is wrong that would be like dating your son or a teacher dating a student it may not be illegal but its still wrong
  • Sep 6, 2010, 09:58 AM
    Kitkat22
    There is one positive to this, In twenty or so years they can live on her pension:rolleyes: Just saying:cool:
    ,
  • Sep 6, 2010, 10:07 AM
    excon
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ellie321 View Post
    is it wrong for a 39 year old woman to date an 18 year old?

    Hello e:

    It's not wrong to WANT to do it. Hell, I want to date 47 year olds. But, I don't. You shouldn't either.

    excon
  • Sep 6, 2010, 10:07 AM
    FoxCash

    Quote:

    Jake2008 agrees : But doesn't it border on abuse of power, influence, and control?
    Absolutely! It also matters where the mentality of both parties are at, especially the 18 year old.

    My opinion is that it's wrong whether this woman is a teacher, has a family of her own, or anything. The age gap is too significant. Maybe it would be more appropriate if the younger party wasn't freshly an adult and just starting their life. But in this case they are. I think a relationship like this could drastically hurt and hinder him in life.
  • Sep 10, 2010, 01:43 PM
    sarasmom61809

    Oh gooodnesss... is all I have to say about that!
  • Sep 13, 2010, 08:01 PM
    jbarnes2191

    I believe in live and let live we can't help who our heart falls for or who we share chemistry with. If you and him are OK with this and the many judgemental people you will run into so be it you only live once.life is to short for regrets and what ifs.
  • Sep 13, 2010, 08:14 PM
    jbarnes2191
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    How would it come about that a relationship could develop with a kid that is 21 years younger than yourself.

    Do you have other children, a husband? Are you a professional such as a teacher? Did you 'meet' online?

    How did you meet, and how did the relationship part start.

    If you are a teacher, it is indeed wrong, and inappropriate, and you would hopefully lose your job, as other teachers have before you. If it is a friends son, or if you have a son that age, and it is his friend, that too is inappropriate and you risk your relationship with your son, and possibly your husband, if you have one, or your boyfriend (if you have one of those your own age).

    If you were a 39 year old man, asking if it was okay to date an 18 year old girl, what would you think the reaction would be. What would you think if somebody asked you that question?

    If you are asking if it is legal, I have no idea, but I think that it would be a waste of taxpayer dollars to make it unlawful in the books, because most people would not be asking the question seriously in the first place.

    Care to fill in a few blanks here?

    There isn't one its OK for an old man to date a young girl but not the other way around. It's the old double standard again.

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