Ask Me Help Desk - Is it wrong for a 17 year old and a 13 year old to date?

I just turned 13 on July 9th and the guy I like turns 17 on September 8. So, technically he's barely three years older than me. And by that I mean he's barely NOT 4 years older.
Okay, so when I told him I liked him he was about to tell me the name of a girl he liked(and this was all over text-messaging -not in person)and I was like his BEST friend in the whole school because he is from the Philippines. He's a junior and is going to be a senior this school year because they put him back a grade when he came down here. And when I told him I liked him he kept saying how he was too old for me but he never said he didn't like me back. Over the course of the school year he said he would call me and didn't or lied to me about his phone being broken. But I forgave him for all that even when he gave my number to some guy and his brother and got me called a skanky *ss b**ch. But he's promised to explain that one to me because he doesn't want to be in trouble with me. But EVERYONE (literally EVERYONE thinks that he likes me back-even the science teacher). And in all the classes we had together he tried to sit next to me or stand next to me and it has been rumored that he came back from California for me. And he came all the way back across the country to find out I was a year younger than he is willing to date. And I know that I am not the prettiest girl out there but he shouldn't like me just for looks. I certainly don't like him just for his-his face has been described as an Eggo waffle by my friend but he has muscles and abs and all that but I don't really get why other girls like them on guys?? I guess just shirtless guys but whatever- he promised to go to Busch gardens with me this summer but he NEVER text-ed me back after that. But he said hi to me in school on open-house. So I know it sounds like I'm hanging on too hard-cuz I am-but I'm trying to get information out of him about how he feels about me before I cast him away completely or hold on to him.And I've thought about how it would be wrong for us to date but the only real reason I want to date him is so he can be mine and so I don't have to keep my feelings secret from him. I wouldn't kiss him or anything cause that sounds wrong to me but I get so jealous when other girls get him and I don't. Like on face book his girlfriend said I'm breaking up with you and he replied (in a comment) why?you can't-i haven't gotten a chance to kiss you yet. And he gets a lot of girlfriends. Who he dates. Kisses. And casts aside. This boy is screwy but so am I so it doesn't really matter. But I'm really tired of everybody telling me to let him go, but its not that easy. "i've wasted too much time to give you up that easy" -pat benatar-we belong. Everybody calls me smart because I skipped two grades but then (they won't say it) they think I'm a moron for how hard I'm hanging on to this guy
But he texts to tell me when he's texting one of my friends and HE didn't actually do anything to me. Except ignore me and break two promises and give my phone number away but he's supposed to be my adopted "big brother" (cuz he's older he's not actually my brother" but earlier this morning I tried to hack into his email account and then I slapped myself and said that's crazy so I didn't actually hack into his account because he doesn't use it even

Sooooo... yeah advice anyone? OTHER than telling me to drop it please-

And if it matters to anyone he is really sweet to me usually
And I need to know what to get him for his birthday if he doesn't have a car and he LOVES basketball but I don't know what team or player or anything
That's all I know so what do I get him?

They are at two entirely different stages of growth and have separate ranges of interests. What would they have in common?

What do their parents say?

Yes it is very wrong. BOTH you and her can go to jail. I know for sure if I had a 13 year old I wouldn't even want her dating another 13 year old.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitten420

BOTH you and her can go to jail.

I actually disagree. Hit the wrong button by accident.

No, BOTH won't go to jail, and certainly no one will go to jail for just dating. BUT... anything of a sexual nature will put the 17 year old at risk for statutory rape and, thus, becoming a lifetime regestrant on the sex offender list.

Now, there is nothing illegal about dating, but anything that involves anything sexual, including kissing IS illegal.

13 year olds are typically in 7th grade and 17 year olds are typically in 11th or 12th grade. Most 17 year olds would not have an interest in a 13 year old.

First, please do not use the Comments feature to reply and add follow-up. As I think you found there is limited space and we can't read with no spaces. Use the Answer this question options to respond.

Second, You ask if its wrong. You were asked what YOUR parents. Have you specifically asked your parents if you can date him (or anyone)?

At 13, I believe you are too young to date one on one. Especially not a 17 yr old. Its one thing to hang out together in groups, but not one on one dating. I also believe that the two of you are very far apart in terms of development. He is looking at his senior year so he is concerned about college etc. You are just beginning high school. At your ages 4 years (and he is a lot closer to 4 yrs older than 3) is a very wide gap.

And finally, as noted while its not illegal to date, he could be charged with statutory rape if he engages in any sexual activity with you. This is one reason that most 17 yr olds stay away from "jail bait", which is what you are!

OK,first, my parents are completely fine with me dating people. I just don't know about a 17 year old.And second,I am going into my second year of high school, not my first.

And also what part of no kissing or sexual interactions do you not understand? I think it's weird to do stuff like that and I'm the one who asked the question.

And its only weird now, if I was 20 and he was 24 it wouldn't matter AT ALL and his parents are actually 8 years apart so it's just because we're young our age difference seems like a huge difference when it's not.

You're right, if you were 20 and he was 24 it wouldn't matter at all. But you're not! You would both be adults then and (hopefully) have the maturity to make your own decisions. At your ages it DOES matter. Because you have neither the maturity or experience to deal with it and the differences in development and interests are vastly different at your ages.

And yes I read what you said about kissing and sexual interactions. If you believe a 17 yr old boy is interested in dating anyone where it won't involve kissing, you are displaying your naïveté. And if you think dating does not lead to sexual interaction, then you really need a wake up call.

One other point, school grade groupings vary by location. Where I am, middle school runs 7-9 so 10th starts HS. Also usually, you are in 10th grade during the period where you turn 15, so entering 10th at 13 is unusual.

Bottom line is you need to tell your parents his age and abide by their ruling on whether you can date him. I doubt however, if it will last long.

13 is UNDERAGE. You have to be 16 with parents consent to date someone older. Even if you are the same age as the person at 16 and parents are not consentual you both can go to jail. It happen to my friend. Or maybe the laws are different where you are. But in most places it's the same. You are 13 or is he 13? Does the parent know about this? Just be careful and make sure ist OK with btoh your parents. Not only that but that is a 4 years difrence in age. At these ages you are in difrent stages in life. Most guys just want to get with 13 year old so they can get laid.

Not only that but at 13 your not old enough to make your own decisions. And its VERy easy for a older guy to minipulate you into doing things.

You may think its weird to do stuff like that but a 17 years old boy doesn't. And he could probably easily minipulate you into doing them. EVEN if he says he won't. Your parents probably won't be okay with the fact you want to date a 17 year old.

In my state BOTh of you can go to jail! It happened to my FIREnd she was 16 and he was also 16!

You are 13 and you said your parents don't know how old he is?
Tell them! Your Dad might not take it well.

You are a child and you need to act your age and think of what repercussions this could have for you and the boy.

You're too young.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitten420

13 is UNDERAGE. You have to be 16 with parents consent to date someone older. even if you are the same age as the person at 16 and parents are not consentual you both can go to jail. it happen to my friend. Or maybe the laws are diffrent where you are. but in most places its the same. You are 13 or is he 13? Does the parent know about this? Just be careful and make sure ist ok with btoh your parents. Not only that but that is a 4 years difrence in age. at these ages you are in difrent stages in life. most guys just want to get with 13 year old so they can get laid.

First, laws do vary from area to area, so you can't apply something that happened in one place to other areas. Second, you probably didn't understand what happened to your friend. If parents specifically prohibit someone from dating their child, that may be illegal but the law deals with interfering with parental rights, NOT dating. I have yet to find a law that specifically prohibits dating based on age. If you know of one please supply a cite for it.

This site holds a higher standard for answers that deal with technical issues and law is a technical issue. Please be more careful when answering such questions.

Ok not to be rude or anything but you guys keep talking like I'm super immature-which I'm not
Occasionally I am but I know it and can stop if it gets too out of control. And he's not a normal 17 year old and I know so
We are on the same maturity level almost
And I know I am young but what am I underage for exactly?not dating that's for sure-8 year olds date so I know this as a fact.
And no its not illegal to date him if he's 17 here and he can't go to jail till he turns 18 he'd go to juvie and he wouldn't even go there unless someone reported him and I-me ONLY pressed charges
I may be 13 but I am no idiot I can assure you which is why I skipped 3rd grade and 8th grade and that puts me in 10th grade now
And you all are thinking about basic 13 year olds today I'm not one of them and you also sound like your referring to the 13 year old boys and I am definitely a girl-at least the last time I checked I was but that might have changed-jk
So please people don't just think about 13 year olds in general think about the few who actually seem to have a working mature mind
And kitten 420-your comment hurts my feelings-i can so make my own decisions
Not ALL of them and I know I have to clear this with my parents but first I have to decide if its even worth telling them or if its going to stay this way forever but still please don't go making assumptions that are most definitely not true
And is it OK if I act a little bit mature than my age kitkat? He is already "scared"(subconsciously everyone is) of me and I promise he won't be able to try anything without getting hurt physically or emotionally and I know I'm arguing a lot but you people are only thinking on one track and not all the other possibilities I know I'm young and he's old but that's why I asked and no one has told me what I should get for his birthday
I AM NOT Naïve!!

I too was 13 once and thought I was mature and knew so much and had a good handle on my life. I had skipped grades and was really smart (and cute too) and was liked by both adults and kids. I was very polite and well behaved, took good care of my younger sibs, did lots of chores around the house including some cooking and baking (even took care of my dad when my mom had to fly to Idaho with the baby when her mom was sick).

But I was only 13 (and could write in complete sentences with good punctuation).

This guy you're talking about:
1. is 17
2. is too old for you (he even said so)
3. said he would call you and didn't
4. lied to you about his phone being broken
5. gave your number to some guy and his brother
6. got you called a skanky *ss b**ch
7. found out you are a year younger than he is willing to date
8. promised to go to Busch gardens with you this summer but he NEVER text-ed you back after that
9. the only real reason you want to date him is so he can be yours
10. Has a girlfriend
11. Gets a lot of girlfriends whom he dates. Kisses, and casts aside
12. Is screwy
13. Texts to tell you when he's texting one of your friends
14. Ignores you
15. Broke two promises to you
16. Gave your phone number away (cf. #5)
17. Doesn't use the email account that you considered hacking into
18. May or may not have a car (but you don't know him well enough to know)
19. Likes basketball (but you don't know him well enough to know which team or player)

You're only 13. Concentrate on school and getting good grades.

If I had a dollar for every young teen that claimed to be mature for their age, I would be very rich. Ok, you skipped two grades, so you are book smart. Doesn't mean you are mature for you age. But even granted that you are (and some of your posting do show maturity) you are still 13. Some of your posts still indicate naïveté. For example stating its not illegal to date because 8 yr olds date. People do illegal things everyday because many laws aren't enforced.

But the most worrisome of your posting sis this: "first i have to decide if its even worth telling them or if its gonna stay this way forever" That is not mature at all. Hiding something like this from parents is very immature.

I wouldn't worry about whether to tell them or not,someone else will.
Kids talk to other kids and kids may let it drop in a family conversation.

Imagine how shocked and angry they are going to be when another person tells them. May even be a teacher or an anonymous call.

You always get caught when you lie.

OK I do concentrate on school and help my mom ALL the time and just last night it was suggested that I should sell my cooking by someone I barely know because they would like to buy it.
And why is #13 bad? She was 13 and that was the age of a few of the people he dated.And he has a drivers license and he hinted he had a car but I don't know if he has his own or if he uses his aunts
And I don't know his favorite basketball anything because as soon as we started talking about it class was either over his friends called him over to play it or I had no idea about what to say because I don't watch sports
And its faster to rite incorrect sentences with inccorrect spelling and punctuation and if it ticks you off then I'm sorry
And for the record, he never said he was too old for me he always always always said I was too young for HIM.but I don't think that matters too much if at all(u know double meanings and everything) but he was dating a girl in the next county (who was 13) when he told me to tell people we were dating
And I rather like his screwy-ness and #6 resulted from #5
AND THE GUY AND HIS BROTHER HAD NEVER EVER MET ME the only way they could have heard of me would have been
1.he was me friends ex
2.he heard my name from a lot of the gossip (I live in a super small town where everyone wants to know what's going on with everyone and there aren't too many couples because you're related to pretty much everyone else and there is only one stoplight and him being from the Philippines and me being youngest to go to high school everyone was talking about us then someone started an US and he doesn't try to stop the rumor he tries to let it GROW) about me and the guy or that I was the youngest kid to go to that high school in a long long time (possibly ever) so what do I get him for his birthday?

They will find out eventually. You can bet on that. Kids talk to other kids and kids say something to their parents. Sooner or later you'll have to explain why you've been lying to them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladybllossom

and its faster to rite incorrect sentences with inccorrect spelling and punctuation and if it ticks you off then im sorry

I pulled that out of your last post because its another sign of your immaturity.

#1 It may be faster to write in disjointed sentences and texting shorthand, but this is a BBS where speed is not an issue. And its much hard to read when you don't use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation. And your last post was hardly readable. I didn't understand what you were referring to for half of it.
#2 the rules of this site REQUIRE that you type correctly. If you don't follow the rules your posts will be removed.
#3 You are asking us for help, yet you don't care if you tick us off. That's very nice of you.