Ask Me Help Desk - Unspoiling a child

If anyone could help me it would be greatly appreciated. I do not know what to do with my ds anymore. He has turned into such a nasty little boy. He use to be my pride and joy and I can't stand to be around him anymore and I am not the only one! I am a SAHM and have a 7 mo. Dd. She is so sweet and easy going just like he use to be. Recently he is a terror. He is bratty, doesn't share. (yesterday, he would not share anything with his 2 and 1 year old cousins).. He only listens to me. Not my dh, my parents or other adult figure in his life. He listens pretty well to his preschool teachers. He blatantly ignores what someone is telling him to do or stop. (Shaking his baby, pretend farting, climbing on a toy that shouldn't be climbed on, etc.) I spend a lot of time with him and now the baby. I always have and I do the majority of housework after they are in bed or during ds rest time. He whines constantly. Yesterday, he had a meltdown because when we stopped opening gift to eat breakfast he wanted to watch TV and we said no. He ended up in his room for awhile and then he came down and ate with us. He also fake cries instead of using his words and this drives me nuts. I just want to go back to work and give him to daycare workers and see him as little as possible at this point. I don't want to have the kid everyone hates and no one likes. If anyone has any advice, books I can read, or experience to share that worked please help me. I use to teach 2nd grade and everyone always said that teachers kids are the worst behaved and that seems certainly true in my case. I feel like such a failure as a mother. I know I was a good teacher and the kids likes me and listened to me, but that is not the case with my own child. I am sitting here crying as I write this. I don't know what to do!! My father and I got in a huge fight last night because of my son. How do I make him listen to other adults, not just me. I want to get rid of this problem before he gets older! Help! I really don't want to spank him, but maybe he needs it. My dh will give him a swat if he feels he needs it. This only makes my ds not like my dh. This morning he told him he was mean and ran downstairs. I put him in time out and had a talk to him. Then he did it again before dh left for work. My dh slammed the door and left in a huff. I feel like everyone thinks I made my ds into this monster he has become. My dh and ds relationship is another thing to be desired. My dh is not very involved with him and does not really play with him. He does his chores on weekends when ds is awake and then will nap when ds rests. Sorry, this is so long. Please give me so advice

OF course a 100 on here will disagree but yes he needed to be spanked ( not beat) a long time ago,

And bad behavior is learned over months and months of having their own way, till they think and believe they are suppose to have it.

I don't like to brag, normally I tell my horor stories, but my son who is 6 now, but back when he was 4 people in restaurants where we were eating would come up and tell us how well mannered he was how well behaved since he actually sat and stayed in his seat and was not screaming and yelling like so many kids do.

He knows that if he distrubs church, we go outside, so guess what he does not disturb in church.

And we are not our children's frineds, their buddies, we are the parents, and that is part of the trouble, he does not like the one parent who swats because the other parent does not, so he thinks it is bad of him, if both parents did the same, he would know it was what parents do and that he had better stop the behvior.

Next of course you use time outs, take away toys for bad behavior, take away watching tV, if he is sitting alone in a empty room for a whie, the message gets aacross.

He will behave exactly to the point that you allow it to happen.

Wow, I have been through what you are talking about. But I wonder what age your son is. I don't believe you mentioned that.

I ask this in that the punishment must not only fit the crime, but be age appropriate as well. It sounds to me, forgive me if I am wrong, but it sounds as though your son is around the age of 2 or 3. If that is the case, he is trying to demonstrate his independence in the only way a child of this age knows how. With a few spanks, and redirections he will grow out of it.

When my children act/acted this way (I have four, ages 20, 19, 13, and 4) I send them to their room and tell them that they cannot come out until they are in a better mood. It takes time and patience, but typically this is just an emotional growing stage.

Please let me know his age, maybe I can help more.

I think children are a very difficult thing if we don't get ,what to do and how to handle... but they are easy to handle if you understand them...
Your boy just tries to gain your attention nothingelse. He does all this to make you attentive, bettter give him his portion of care ,don't be harsh to him ,when your junior sleeps ,just go to him and love him.
All he needs is your care and attention,and he is growing you have to handle him very carefully

MY BEST SUGGESTION WOULD BE ,READ A BOOK ON CHILD PHYCHOLOGY,
WELL TO MY KNOWLEDGE,AT SOME CERTAIN PART OF AGE ,AS YOUR BOY IS IN,KIDS GO DEVILISH AND DO ALL Mischievous AND MAY BE HE WILL MAKE U GO NUTS .BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK AND UNDERSTAND HIS PSYCHOLOGY,WHAT I GOT FROM YOUR POST ()

I would only suggest
U have to give him his part of care and love...

And KEEP GAP IN CHILDREN. HEEHHEHE I MEAN USE CONTRACEPTIVE

My ds is just 4 years old. The thing is I do give a lot of attention. Luckily, I have a very easy baby (like he was) and she can play independently for 20 min. at a time. She goes to bed earlier than him and then we play a game before he goes down. We are constantly doing activities for him and she goes along for the ride. His playdates, indoor gyms, parks on nice days, pools all summer, bike rides and walks in the neighborhood. I try to do something special, just the two of us, and he actually gets upset that the baby isn't coming. He loves his baby sister to death. Is a spanking the answer? I actually spanked him this morning and he laughed! This is after my post. What do you do about that? I've heard that 4 is a hard age, but I didn't think it would be this hard. He never hit the terrible twos and he was an easy three. And he does listen to me, its just the adults that he doesn't listen too. His preschool teacher says he listens to her 90% of the time. How can I fix the problem if he is fine when it is the three of us all day and not many confrontations come up when it is the three of us. I usually don't get past counting to one and he shapes up for me.

Your son sounds like he his starving for attention. You and your husband need to make time each day for just him. Even if its only 30 minutes, just sit and talk with him or read book or even just play with toys. He is just getting used to having a new sibling and sharing his parents time with the new baby.
If he is still having a hard time listening to other adults or not sharing, you need to talk to him about a "safe spot". This would pretty much be what most people call timeout but you give him the decision of getting up when he is ready. For instance, if he is not sharing, tell him he needs to go to the safe spot. And when he is calm and ready to talk to you he can get up. But most importantly, when he is up you need to talk to him about why sharing is important (or listening to other adults, using manners, etc.). Also, this safe spot should not be his room, it needs to be in an area that he really doesn't go much, like a corner of the living room. You will find that when you use this, after a while if he gets upset or feels like he is losing control he will just go there on his own to calm down.
I would also recommend finding literature about Love & Logic. It is a great disciplining system for children of all ages.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sovaira

MY BEST SUGGESTION WOULD BE ,READ A BOOK ON CHILD PHYCHOLOGY,

I am pretty sure she has already done this since she used to be a 2nd grade teacher.