Hi there, just wondering if I could receive some advice on this delicate topic.

My girlfriend and I have been going out now for close to 7 months, and been involved sexually in 6 of them. However, she is still yet to climax. The closest we have ever gotten was in a hot bath, and involved lots of stimulation of her clitoris.

Recently however, the sex has been... interesting.

She has been rather dry, and has complained it has been painful for her at times due to abrasion, condom, etc. This is without a doubt true, and I have gone and purchased some better water based lubricant to help with this.

She is very keen to get into the act, and so this is what I attribute to the dryness.

Combined with this, she is perfectly willing to give oral, but not receive. I believe that if she was more comfortable, she might allow me in to that emotionally involved experience with her.

Also, I understand certain positions help her to orgasm much easier, but because she has never orgasmed it is difficult. Her on top is the key, I know this.

Are there any suggestions on the topic of allowing me to give her oral, things that may improve her comfort factor?

I am very patient, and willing to wait to experience this moment with her. But if it is a comfort thing, I know that can be solved. She has mentioned it is a bit "unhygenic"...

Also, when I am doggy style with her, and try to touch her clitoris, she sometimes pushes my hand away.

Any advice, would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Well assuming she has had a thourough examination with her ob/gyn, and everything is fine, then you have to continue to be patient with her. Some women are unable to reach orgasm unless they stimulate themselves. She can also use a vibrator on her self, that could help. Remember the result is what is important, not how you got there.

How old are the both of you?

We are both one day apart in age, 20 years old. So yes, very young. She doesn't use a vibrator or anything at her house, because there is always someone home who can hear what she is doing. Maybe I should convince her to use a vibrator at my house?

I think it's a comfort thing mainly, she hasn't been able to let herself fully relax, she's very uptight. Any tips here?

Sounds to me that part of the problem could be that she is concerned someone will hear you, or maybe walk in on you. A different location might help. She just need to relax more. And yes, you are both kind of young, and probably very inexperienced. Just give it more time.

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Originally Posted by beachloverjohn

A different location might help.

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Some examples may come in handy here, I've been trying to figure this out for ages. How can I attain this level of seclusion with her and have her be assured nobody can see? etc.

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Originally Posted by beachloverjohn

Well assuming she has had a thourough examination with her ob/gyn.

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I know she is clean sexually, but I don't know if she has had a full examination. What's the best way to bring this up without making her even MORE uncomfortable?

Let me answer both questions.

1. Take her away for a weekend.

2. Maybe the two of you should not rush things.

I think you biggest problem is being young.
Some women don't start to orgasm for years
After they become sexually active.

Many can't have an orgasm by vaginal stimulation
Alone, and use vibrators and other toys to assist.

I think the best thing you can do is open a line of
Communication about sex.
Take your time here, don't rush it, it may
Take a while to get comfortable with it, but it can be the greatest
Addition to your sex life you'll ever have.

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

open a line of
communication about sex.

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I know it's weird to say, but how? I'm not sure how to put it into words so it's a comfortable topic :confused:

There is one more thing to be considered. The problem could be quite simply that she does not have the same sex drive that you have.

As was mentioned, you are both young, and at your age, sometimes {not always} young men are much more into the sex acts than young ladies. Don't put pressure on her to commit acts they she is not ready for. Show some intimacy that does not always have to result in sex. By that I mean learn to be physically close without always touching genital areas.
Cuddle and talk, hold hands, explore each others senses You have your whole lives ahead of you, these "problems" will work their way out someday, Cut her some slack here, and she will eventually be comletely comfortable with you no matter where you two are. Then eventually you will both be able to discuss your likes and dislikes in bed without anyone feeling pressure.

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Originally Posted by pascalmassey

Some examples may come in handy here, I've been trying to figure this out for ages. How can I attain this level of seclusion with her and have her be assured nobody can see? etc.

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How about a hotel room? Or your own place?

If you're both sharing living space, you're NEVER going to get that assurance in your bed or hers.

I personally think the problem is that you're not looking at the journey, you're looking at the destination.

She's not going to relax enough to orgasm if EITHER of you are focused on an orgasm.

As for talking about it--if you aren't comfortable enough with each other to TALK about sex, why the HELL are you HAVING sex? Are you comfortable enough to talk about medical issues during pregnancy? How about body fluids? Are you comfortable enough to talk about birth control? And I'm NOT talking about "where's the condom?" or "It's okay, I'm on the pill". Have you had an IN-DEPTH discussion about birth control?

Do you TALK during sex? Do you stroke her side and ask how she likes it? Do you take TIME--and I do mean copious amounts of time, not five minutes--to sensitize her skin?

You need to get into her HEAD before you can get anything right in her PANTS.

Talking during sex is a start as synnen said.

Like; does that feel good? Do you like this? What would you like me to do? And on and on...

A little at a time, work your questions in.


Try games; OK honey for the next hour I am your slave and must do whatever you tell me to.


Lots of different ways, try one or two.

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Originally Posted by beachloverjohn

The problem could be quite simply that she does not have the same sex drive that you have.

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There is no problem with sex drive, as she is always asking for it!

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Originally Posted by Synnen

IAre you comfortable enough to talk about medical issues during pregnancy? How about body fluids? Are you comfortable enough to talk about birth control? And I'm NOT talking about "where's the condom?" or "It's okay, I'm on the pill". Have you had an IN-DEPTH discussion about birth control?

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About medical issues during pregnancy, we have had that discussion, and it was a little uncomfortable but we talked through it. We have had discussions about birth control, no problems here. It was very in depth.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Do you TALK during sex? Do you stroke her side and ask how she likes it? Do you take TIME--and I do mean copious amounts of time, not five minutes--to sensitize her skin?

You need to get into her HEAD before you can get anything right in her PANTS.

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We definitely talk through sex, but we generally do rush things. I've been trying to figure out how to slow down the process for us, as interestingly I want to go a bit slower, but generally she is wang-bham-thankyou maam.

Probably the single most useful pieces of advice I have been given to date. Thank you all so much! I'll give it a go, and let you know what happens :)

Just to add something about her not liking oral... she might not like the idea of your mouth touching her genitals because that's where pee comes from. I had that feeling at the beginning and just couldn't relax at all while my boyfriend
Was giving me oral. I talked about it with him and now I don't even think about it, because I know that he loves doing it. Maybe talking about it will help-tell her that for you this would be great etc.
Another thing is, you don't even have to use your mouth.. My boyfriend has made me orgasm just by touching me (finger). I was guiding him through the whole thing and it worked even though it took ages.
Oh and yes, slow down. I don't know about your girlfriend, but I personally need at least 30min of foreplay to actually be in a good place for intercourse/oral. Could be the same for her.