Hello everyone I am still here and haven't posted anything here so I don't have too much reputation but I still need some help from you people here please help me OK! I don't understand why this girls still wants to keep in contact with me when we been separated for 4 months now! If I don't call her she calls me but If she doesn't call I call her. So every weekend she calls me just to see how am doing and stuff. I don't really know what I want, I want to move on with my life and forget about this girl. I have done everything from metting new girls to taking medecines for my depression and it has work. I do not longer think tooo much about this person and don't really care what she does. Why is it that we still keep in touch? Every time she calls me is just to talk about how her life is all miserable and the guy she is going out with right now is not being fair to her. I am really frustrated about this. Every time she calls me is about the same thing over and over, I always get the felling that she might want to comeback to me and is not the case. I have already work on my depression and anxienty and am OK where I am at the moment and with my life. I want this girl back but she can't make no decision on what to do. She tells me that in the future we will comeback but I get tire already of all these promises that she always gives me. SHe even tells me that she trustes me more then him and I understand her better than him and I never cheated on her and he has cheated on her already. Why doesn't she makes the decision and comeback already. I want to move on and there goes 2 weeks with no contact with each other and there she goes again calling me and I don't know what to do. I want to have the power to not to answer her phone calls but I always do. Why is it to hard to let go? I know I feel lonely at most times and want to be with someone but this girl keeps holding me down. I don't want her to call me anymore and is too hard for me to ignore her calls. My thinking is that if I don't answer her calls she might think that is over and I have already move on. If she is with another guy why does she keeps calling me and why I answer her calls? I need some help please guys and girls I will really apriciate it. I don't even want to be friends because I still have some small fellings towards her but she doesn't seem to understand that's she is hurting me. What can I do to really move on or get her back. I don't know exactly what I want!!

Hi gangster 1

What a dear sweet person you are. Would you mind terribly if I answered the phone when this girl calls... hmmmm so I can tell her to leave you alone!!

Gangster, she may not realize what she is doing to you, and I can somewhat understand that. But the fact is, her behaviour is just too unhealthy for you. And if she doesn't realize what she is doing, then how much does she actually care for your feelings? Not enough for me, and it is just too unfair of her.

So what do you do? What do you say to her? How about, just what you posted? The next time she calls (and if I am not here to answer the phone... grrrrrr), you tell her, that you no longer would like her to call, that you do care for her, however, this back and forth nonsense is no longer acceptable to you. You do not need to elaborate anymore than that.
And you need to stick with it. I understand that you still have some feelings for her and are afriad, by speaking the truth to her, that you may loose her altogether. But ask yourself, what are you losing?? At this stage, all her being in your life, is causing you to be upset, and you do not need that nor deserve that.

How will you ending it effect her? I am not that concerned about that, but I guess you would be. Do it kindly, honestly and firmly. Care enough about yourself to take this breather.

By the way, you can post here anytime, and we all hope that you do, you do not need to have any reputation, in order to post, just come on in :)

Hope you stay in touch.

Allheart

I understand the confusion, but its time to make up your mind, by doing the things to set yourself free, and move on with your life. The first thing is to cut all lines of communications, and have no contact with her what so ever. You have already seen what this back and forth, so called friends thing, has done to you both, so now you must cut all contact and not answer the phone or text her, nor email. This relationship is not healthy and must end so you both can move on.

The above responses by Allheart and Tal were spot on in my opinion so I cannot add much more.

This back and forth contact is what is preventing you from moving on and it is not fair on you. Either do what Allheart advised and tell her firmly that you want this to stop for your own sake but be friendly about it, or stop all communication altogether. In fact, the best option is to cut all contact and ignore her calls but I sense that you may not be comfortable with doing that and leaving on a kind of bitter note.

I gather you still care for her, so the next time she calls, answer but tell her that you feel that this would be the best thing for the both of you (to cut all contact). If she calls again after that, you are best not to answer as you would have already expressed your wishes to her.

Gangster, you have entered the male "friend" zone. A very awkward place for most men who still have feelings for another. It is best to safeguard yourself from any future hurt and tell this girl how you feel and that it is best not to reciprocate "chatting" with her because it bothers you being in the "friend" zone.This may either wake her up, or allow you to find comfort that she knows how you still feel about her and that it is best for you not to communicate with her any further unless her feelings change or she wakes up and realizes what she lost.

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Originally Posted by jrussole

gangster, you have entered the male "friend" zone. A very awkward place for most men who still have feelings for another. It is best to safeguard yourself from any future hurt and tell this girl how you feel and that it is best not to reciprocate "chatting" with her because it bothers you being in the "friend" zone.This may either wake her up, or allow you to find comfort that she knows how you still feel about her and that it is best for you not to communicate with her any further unless her feelings change or she wakes up and realizes what she lost.

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Argh!! I had to spread it but jrussole is dead on correct. Guys, especially emotional guys find themselves in the friend zone when they believe that if they just hold on for a little bit longer she'll come around. A little bit longer turns into weeks, then months, and sometimes years. This crap is furthered when we see it happen time and again in the movies. The girl in the movies always comes around and sees that the great guy is the one for her. Unfortuantly it never, and I mean NEVER works in real life.

She comes to you and unloads all her problems because the guy in her life won't let her. So she sees you as one of the girlfriends, where she can unload all this emotional garbage. Being and emotional guy you can relate to her and it leads to the friend zone. It also leads to your depression. You keep it up and the depression gets worse. The cycle continues over and over again.

First and foremost, cut her off. Quit talking to her. No matter how tempted you are you've got to get your sanity back. Getting rid of her and her problems is the first way to do it. Let her talk to her girlfriends about her problems. That's not your problem. Don't offer her any more advice. Your done with her. Your taking you life back.

"jrussole agrees: Chuff! Did I hit a sore spot? Sorry!

I think your responding this statement below...

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Originally Posted by chuff

Argh!!!! I had to spread it but jrussole is dead on correct.

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I don't think that read as well as it sounded coming from my brain.

I tried to rate your statement right above mine and the one I quoted as an agreement because you were dead on correct about the friend zone. The site said that I had to spread the reputation around so I couldn't do it.

So I was "arghing" over my frustration with that rep system, which to be honest, I hate. I understand why it' in place but if good advice is given then I shouldn't be stopped from giving positive feedback. I think when I was typing it since I knew what I meant it made sense but it didn't translate well when it was read on the post.

Obviously, no need to apologize, and I was in agreement with everything you stated. I think it's probably me who should apologize because once I start typing it just comes out and I start thinking faster than I can type, so it doesn't make sense to the reader on occasion.

Nah, I thought that maybe you have also found yourself in the "friend" zone at one time or another! Lol Silly! But then again, not many men who admit to that one!

I had this friend once, he would show up everywhere I went. Even if I was Downtown Clubbing! (Manhattan) It was creepy at first! He would offer to fix my car, shop for me, and even clean my apartment! So I let him! I was 18 at the time. I was a busy girl! He sort of started to wear me down and (settle me down) and I dated him for about a year. Then we wanted to moved in together. But we didn't have a lot of furniture. So one day, he decided to steal from his boss, for the money! Needless to say, he got caught and sent to Rikers Island. I haven't heard from him since. One, I was mad that he felt it necessary to steal to try to make me happy. Second, because I would have definitely told him absolutely NOT! Third, I realized that maybe he had some issues! Lol I hope he's out now?!

I would like for you to consider this: How is it that you have enough strength to endure, yet feel weak to make the break. Change can be difficult but you must understand that until the pain of moving ahead. Making the break become more than remaining the same, you will not do it. Feeling lonely truly has nothing to do with being with or without someone, it is a state of mind. There are many people who are in relationships and still feel lonely. You have too much time on your hands, get involved in a communtiy project whereby, those who have need of a caring person as yourself will rec'v care and you in turn will be able to focus on what truly matter to you. You are a person of great potential, I know this because depression and anxiety befall gifted and talented people. There is an awesome creative side to your being, get in tune with it. Maximize your alone time whereby you may perfect the gift within you, and upon doing so... you will be prooccupied with an aspect of life that will bring you happiness and pleasure for years to come. Currently, this see-saw affair requires that you no longer allow someone else to dictate the quality of your life. It is never wise to allow someone who furnishes lipservice only to take the reins and lead us anywhere, especially on the pathway of love and relationship. Friendship be it romantic or platonic requires integrity and we know that a person is only a good as their word. Their word must be there bond, and if they can not without sufficient justification honor the words of their own mouth, then keep them at arms length to protect yourself; however, if your heart compels you to stay of the see-saw because you know that there is a great possibility of the two of you reuniting, then hang in there; however, if your true mind, say, let it go////then do so... let her get further and smell better

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Originally Posted by jrussole

Nah, I thought that maybe you have also found yourself in the "friend" zone at one time or another! lol Silly! But then again, not many men who admit to that one!

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More times than I can count, sad to say.

Is that why you wear a mask Chuff? It's nothing to be shy about. It just means that there's a lucky girl out there for you! She just has to get rid of that toad she's been dating. Hey, I have a pretty sister! Lol And as long as you don't offer to clean her apartment or commit robbery to buy her things, I think you'll be safe! Hopefully, she has learned something from me!

Gosh, shenda! That was a deep heartfelt post!

Is that why you wear a mask Chuff? It's nothing to be shy about. It just means that there's a lucky girl out there for you! She just has to get rid of that toad she's been dating. Hey, I have a pretty sister! Lol And as long as you don't offer to clean her apartment or commit robbery to buy her things, I think you'll be safe! Hopefully, she has learned something from me!

Gosh, shenda! That was a deep heartfelt post! I hope Gangster is receptive.

I realize what you are going through. My best advie for you is to meet other women. This girl is not worth your time if she is with another guy. You should go out there and talk to other girls. That is the sure way to get her off your mind. You never know, you might find someone a lot better.

Some of the best times I've had while single were with nice females, just doing stuff and having fun together, Who needs a relationship when all these nice ladies are out there just to enjoy their youth.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Some of the best times I've had while single were with nice females, just doing stuff and having fun together, Who needs a relationship when all these nice ladies are out there just to enjoy their youth.

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Because when we all get together all we usually talk, laugh, cry, and scream about is MEN!

Unless, my cousin Ronnie is around than she just adds in about her girlfriend! Go figure! Lol

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Originally Posted by jrussole

Is that why you wear a mask Chuff? It's nothing to be shy about. It just means that there's a lucky girl out there for you! She just has to get rid of that toad she's been dating. Hey, I have a pretty sister! lol And as long as you don't offer to clean her apartment or commit robbery to buy her things, I think you'll be safe! Hopefully, she has learned something from me!

Gosh, shenda! That was a deep heartfelt post!

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This is gangster and my and that girl I was talking about are back together we spended the new years eve on her girlfriends house and ended up getting back

Great, keep us posted.