GF moving away and wants an open-ended LDR
Hi,
I have a relationship question. I am divorced after 24 years of marriage, am raising my three kids alone in the mid west, and the job of my dreams (I teach at a university). I met the greatest woman over a year ago and we have slowly fallen in love. She has been divorced for 14 years and has two grown children. She works at the same university and we live five minutes away from each other. I have been slow to involve her in the life of my kids, who I am trying to protect, and in June introduced to her my young eight year old. All my kids get along with her quite well, and she with them.
We have shared a common dream of moving away from the mid west, and had talked about retiring there in 10-15 years. But our career ambitions are different: she is still upwardly mobile as an administrator and I have a great job as well as it would be hard to find commensurate work elsewhere. To my surprise she applied for another position in Colorado a few weeks ago, asking me my okay. It was a surprise for me because she has repeatedly said she was happy with staying put for the time being. I told her it was a great opportunity and it was her decision, but I would also be very happy if she did not get the job. Well she got the job and asked me to move with her, and I told her I could not (in the unforeseeable future). She now wants a commitment from me to pursue a long distance relationship (LDR). She has yet decided about the job, and asked me if a LDR was a deal-breaker for me. I was honest and said no, but I didn’t think it would work very well.
I find myself devastated, because I have fallen in love. My job and children prevent me from moving, and I am very skeptical about an open ended LDR that could last for at least five years. It seems to me that we have different life paths, and maybe the timing is not right. I am also concerned because she had pressured me for a long time to get to know my kids, and then suddenly now she is pressuring me for a LDR. I know it’s all out of my hands, but I am not sure I can do a LDR. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum either. Am I being unreasonable? Is she?
Advice welcome. Thanks in advance.