Well, I'll try not to make this too long.
I was with my ex for just over 3 years, living together for 2. I'm 34, she's 27, but very smart and mature. Anyway, I had no clue anything was wrong. We never even had a significant argument. Sure after a while you get complacent and possibly hit a dry spell. But I had no idea she had thoughts of leaving.
About 2 weeks ago she gives me the "we need to talk" speech. As it turns out she has been keeping things bottled up for about a year. I'm not great at expressing my feelings and know that's something I need to work on. But I thought she knew me well enough that I didn't really need too.(I know, big mistake). So bottom line is she didn't feel appriciated and has been off and on unhappy and thinking of ending things for about a year now. This caught me so off guard and I'm in complete shock. Still can't believe she never mentioned she was unhappy, instead hid behind a smile. Her reasoning is that she loves me so much, and figured that's just who I am, and she'd learn to live with it. I know I should have shown her more attention and appreciation, but I just thought everything was fine. If I knew there was a problem I would have definitely made a contience effort to improve. I love her with all my heart and had already been looking at rings. And now I'm just devistated. And feel too old to just pick up the pieces and start all over again.
I've expressed my feelings.practically begged. She was very emotional and says she still loves me with all her heart but feels like she's given so much to the relationship while not getting enough in return. And just doesn't think she can overcome her feelings of resentment she now has. She recognizes her part in this and says she just needs to focus on her now. That she's tired of always trying to please others.
She's a great girl and I'm so mad at myself for screwing this up!! I just wish I wouldve at least had the opportunity to try and correct my faults. She was my world... and now she's gone. I just don't know how to deal with it.
I've been trying the N/C so the only contact is when she's come on the weekend to grab a few more things. She still has a bunch of stuff to move out and things in both of our names that we'll have to take care of.

What do I do? How do I go on?
I have all the (so called) normal symptoms... I'm lost!

There is not much you can do if your partner didn't communicate with you. You can take what you have learned and use it in your next relationship.

You need to get your joint affairs taken care of and all belongings back to their respective owners. She needs to make one more trip for her stuff. Getting it piece by piece is not helping either one of you. Then go No Contact.

You are going to have high and low points in the healing process. Just know that they do even out over time and if you give yourself the support you need.

Old friends, meeting new people, hobbies, new hobbies, the gym, continuing education classes, volunteering, etc. are all things that can help you stay busy mentally and physically while you heal emotionally.

Thanks cat1864.. I'm just so depressed. The thought of losing her kills me... then when I try to think positive and about moving on. I go back in depression thinking about how I tried to do the right thing in waiting to have children until I meet my wife. Then I thought I had. And now my time may have passed and I'll just end up alone, never truly experiencing the family life... is like a lose-lose for me

So sorry that you're going through this. Getting over the heartache of a failed relationship is hard work. You need to enlist the help of friends, family, perhaps even strangers to get through this.

Mourn for awhile, but don't let the ghost of your failed relationship gnaw on your smile. You had a life before you met her - do you remember it? You had fun then. You smiled. You spent time with friends and laughed at little things.

Give yourself time for your heart to catch up with your brain. Smile even when you don't feel like it. You'll know when its time for you to move on and move forward.

I have to admit I felt exactly like you do with the 'im too old', 'never going to experience the finer things in life with a significant other'.. but, well bullocks to it all! You've two years on me and you know what.. we WILL find that other who DESERVES us not the other way round. Daily I read what the experts and regular posters post and daily I feel more and more comfortable in myself and believe it or not the spine is straightening even more, the head is lifting a little higher and the confidence.. well we'll get to that another day :)

You'll only be as alone as you want to be.. if you don't want to be alone.. get out there and make it happen for you.. hold your head high and proud! :D

Get yourself out there! Volunteer at a hospital or nursing home or library or animal shelter. Meet people, get unconditional love from the animals whose lives you will improve, and bushels of thank yous from people who may be three times your age (who also have wonderful stories to tell you). Sitting still and wallowing in your misery doesn't do you a bit of good, so move and do and meet and greet and get involved! The tunnel is pretty dark right now, but there are people around you with flashlights and who will lead you back into the daylight. Maybe it's time to sit down with a good therapist for two or three sessions. Set some goals and have someone to be accountable to. You're far too young to give up! (I'd give my eyeteeth to be as young as you are.)

Thanks for the replies! Lately the only time I start feeling a little better is when I'm reading posts on this site.. it's a blessing for us people in this unfortunate situation...
One of the biggest hurdles I'm working on is the full NO CONTACT! I broke today & checked Facebook. I was doing better until I saw that she changed her status to single.
I'm trying to make myself a promise to leave FB alone for awhile, until I'm comfortable enough to delete her... I just hope I can muster up the strength to get through this.
Thanks again for the replies... its all I have to fall back on right now.

Wow this is almost exactly my situation except she ran with the new guy without telling me what's the problem. I have been mourning for 1 month then only to find out last week that she is with a new guy. Im now initiating NO CONTACT although I must admit that I still can't sleep well [waking up every night], can't eat well [lost 5kg] and I can't go out too!

So go out share with your close friends and they will definitely help out. Day won't be a problem only night u will feel very bad. Work Hard bro.

This site is a godsend, take bits and pieces from here and there that relate back to you or make you feel inspired.. it certainly strengthens the spirit and the knowledge that you're definitely not alone.

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Originally Posted by hopelesss

thanks again for the replies... its all i have to fall back on right now.

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I think you would be a terrific ambassador for NC and be able to help others who come here with similar questions and situations. How about sticking around to give others a lift?

(Pssst, unfriend and delete her from FB. Now. You can add me instead :D)

First of all, you are only 34. You have your whole life ahead of you. Second, the best thing for you to do is learn from this, and next time you get involved, and believe me you will, listen more attentively and never ever take her for granted. Learn to show appreciation for your next "significant other". And you will not be taken by surprise as you were in this relationship. You don't know this, but your girlfriend gave you many chances to straighten this out , to fix this, but it took for her to leave you before you saw that. That is too bad, but it is the reality. Now you have to go through a sort of mourning process. This will takwe time, but you will get through it. Falling is love is always a gamble, and this time you lost . You got hurt, badly, but life will go on. But like I said, learn from your mistakes. Other wise this sam scenario will repeat itself many more times in you future.

@ beachloverjohn- I know you are 100% right! Ihve learned a great deal from this.. the getting past it process is just demoralizing. I honestly didn't know I could ever feel this low.. I've dealt with a lot of loss in my life & always stood strong. I just don't think I've ever allowed anyone to get close enough to hurt me like this. She's the last person in the world I'd think would give up me.. I'm just still in disbelief..
But all of your posts are positive & they give me hope. Hopefully one day I can do that for somebody else!

You will survive this.. I know that right now , you feel like your life is over. You keep thinking that someday she will realize what she gave up, an tell you she wants you back. You think you can never feel this way about anyone else again. But you will. And I am telling you, she has and will spend a lot of nights thinking about you and wondering if she did the right thing. And you will wait for a while, that is human nature. But one of these days, you will tell yourself that it's time to go out with someone else, and you will fall in love again. Then this one will be just part of your past. This will take time, but it will happen. I guarantee it... Just DO NOT make the same mistakes again...

If she has stuff to get from you, help her by getting it ready to go, and start to redefine your space without any reminders of her. Throw it out, or put it into storage.

It's a slow process, but the busier you are in making new memories through friends and activities, the better.

I don't want to ramble and respond to every reply. But I do want you all to know that I appreciate every single one of your replies... Thank you all so much!
This site is my new best friend!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I think you would be a terrific ambassador for NC and be able to help others who come here with similar questions and situations. How about sticking around to give others a lift?

(Pssst, unfriend and delete her from FB. Now. You can add me instead :D)

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Thanks! & I wish I could but I just can't bring myself to do it yet. Hopefully soon!

Just when I thought I was making progress & started feeling a little better. I have a relapse. Ended up sending her flowers & exchanging a few texts. Allowing me more false hope. My brain tells me that while she's been very honest and compassionate. She also hasn't given me any real reason to be hopeful!
I just keep dwelling on our reasons for breaking up, and the bottom line is: lack of communication & me needing to express my feelings more and show her that she's appreciated... to me, those things are fixable!
I keep thinking, how can she just give up what we had? And telling myself there's just no way, and I know she'll eventually realize this...
Now this is my problem... I know that's the wrong mindset. And I'm just prolonging the inevitable. I know its only been about a month. But my heart just doesn't seem capable of letting it go... WHY?? Man, this sucks :(

You have a belief that you can fix this,that somehow,someway things can recover... that belief is holding you back from committing to no contact and really moving on.

Change that belief to a conviction,and back that conviction up with actions.

Actions that help you move forwards and towards healing.

Nc is hard,breakups suck and a broken heart is not going to heal overnight.

What was the outcome of sending the flowers?

Did it get the effect you wanted?

Did it change the situation?

I'm guessing not since your posting.
Put the same effort into you,you can't do this alone,you do need emotional support in real time.

You can move on and heal if you want,you can have a future happy on your own or with someone else,OR, you can stay in this horrible headspace pining.

Which do you want?

Happy future VS horrible pining.

If you want a happy future you have to strive for it and leave your ex and that relationship in the past.

You are not doing the things it takes to change your focus from her to you! That's the bottom line, and if you spent as much time and effort on loving yourself, and dealing with what you need, you wouldn't have time to send her flowers or even talk to her.

You would be building a life that you enjoy that makes you happy without her. You would have activities and friends and goals to enjoy and look forward to. You would be doing your thing, and NOT hers.

You would be happy with who you are, and NOT need her to make you happy.

You wouldn't be crying in your own soup and looking back, and NOT ahead. Look ahead young man, move forward.

The thing you have to remember most is that you are a good person with much to offer or she wouldn't have fallen in love with you in the first place. You are still that person. But you have to let her go in order for you to heal. The hardest thing to do is stop all contact, because you keep thinking texting, flowers, etc, etc, will keep her from forgetting you. But it has an opposite effect. It shows you as needy, desperate, and totally weak. Really put your mind to it that you will stop all contact with her, it really is your only chance, and a slim one at that I'm afraid, but it's the only way she is going to miss you enough and realize she wants you back. But don't sit around and wait for that, because you can't give up on life waiting for something that may never happen. This process is going to take some time, but it will get easier to get over this as time goes on.

And remember that SHE is going through the same things you are. SHE is just as heartbroken. And wanted it to work just as much as you, and experiencing the same gut wrenching pain. Yes I know, it was her decision, but sometimes a person decides that it is better to break up then continue inan unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy for her in that she was losing her identity. Now she wants to take care of herself, because she decided that she is more important than you. She may still love you, but too much has happened and she probably thinks it is too late to fix it. She just doesn't want to take that chance again. The time has past.. And if you truly love her, then make it easier for her and let her go. It's what she wants, now you have to start taking care of yourself.