I've been NC for 9 months now. I was the dumper. Last week I emailed my ex to give her kids something I promised them 9 months ago. Also she still owes me money which she promised to pay me next month.

In the email, I asked her how she's doing and the kids is doing. She reply pretty quickly and sound very friendly. She said she learned how to save money from me and thanks me for it. She said that her life is pretty busy right now and work three jobs. I also learned that she is moving out from the condo with her two friends (one guy and a girl) so that she can save money to buy a house. We both live in the same condo. She moved out a week early so when she came by we got a chance to meet and talk. Everything seem normal and we gave each other a big hug. We continue to talk on the phone after that. She said she's still single and so am I.


A few days later I get to meet one of her kids and she came to my place so I can help her with her phone. We fooled around. I thought everything is good and maybe there is a chance we may get back together but this is where I was wrong. She called me on Saturday from work and we chatted and I asked her what is her plan she said she got to work so I believed her. But that night I went downstairs to move my car, I saw her car there so I went up to her apartment to see her. From far away I saw a guy standing there so I didn't want to come but her kid saw me and said hi and tell me to go come with him. I was at the elevator door so I go back down. A few minutes later she called me and I ask her I thought you said you got to work and who's the guy. She said she couldn't get the truck tomorrow so she got to do the move today and the guy is her tenant helping her out. She asked me why I didn't come. I said I don't know. I ask her if she need help she said she is OK and will call me later. That killed me because I am thinking her roommate is someone she is going out with which when I asked she said they are friends, this guy used to work in her company but quit and now jobless.

The next morning, I went downstairs, I saw her car and a moving truck there but she told me she couldn't get the truck. I got upset and thought maybe she's going out with him now so I shouldn't be wasting my time. Because she didn't even ask me to help her which I also offered. So I texted her "why do you have to lie to me, It's ok, I am happy for you good luck". We didn't talk since.

I think I am wasting my time here. I think she has already moved on. Why she fooled around with me I got no clue, maybe the feeling is there but I don't want to be the third wheels been there done that so I guess goodbye is the best solution here what do you guy think?


What I am thinking is if she got nothing with him then why not let me help her. Why avoiding me?

She has moved on. Why are YOU wasting your time? Do you enjoy the drama?

Save yourself a lot of headaches and let him have her. "To the Victor go the spoils".. In your case it would be the spoiled.

Get over it.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Save yourself a lot of headaches and let him have her. "To the Victor go the spoils"..In your case it would be the spoiled.

Get over it.

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If indeed they are having the relationship then absolutely. Why is she denying it though and why open the door. She should just avoid me to save the trouble why say that she is offering her dog which I gave her once in a while to play with if I want to? Like I said if she is going out with him now for sure I'll move on. I've been there and it will be just heartache and pain for me. I was the dumper, I let go so it's my loss I know. I've been NC for 9 months now so I think I will survive and I am almost there. This situation however has set me back a bit though.

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Originally Posted by icalltheshot

If indeed they are having the relationship then absolutely. Why is she denying it though and why open the door. She should just avoid me to save the trouble why say that she is offering her dog which I gave her once in a while to play with if I want to? Like I said if she is going out with him now for sure I'll move on. I've been there and it will be just heartache and pain for me. I was the dumper, I let go so it's my loss I know. I've been NC for 9 months now so I think I will survive and I am almost there. This situation however has set me back a bit though.

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You need to move on regardless. It isn't going to work for the both of you and if you start back down that road you'll be back where you were right after the break up. You say you dumped her. I think you didn't want her until someone else did. Move on.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

You need to move on regardless. It isn't going to work for the both of you and if you start back down that road you'll be back where you were right after the break up. You say you dumped her. I think you didn't want her until someone else did. Move on.

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I didn't even know she got someone else. I just found out now since I was doing NC for a long time 9 months. My point is if she got someone else already then just say so and avoid me completely. I'll get the message. Why lead me on and open the door to let me in. If she is indeed going out with him I need to hear it from her. I'll not contact her to find out though. Either way she got something to hide so yeah it's best not wasting time.

If she has someone else it's none of your business. You dropped her. You contacted her first.

She is under no obligation to tell you anything about her life. Move on and leave her alone.

The first couple of lines reveal a lot about why it is you contacted her in the first place. Had you indeed messaged for the reasons provided, understanding the concept of NC, you would have seen the dangers of where this was headed long before it ever developed.

Also, the fact that now you have reverted back to thinking about her and a new guy and why she did this or that or the other thing indicates that you are not over her. Not by a long shot.

I suggest starting over from square one as the results from this break in NC are quite evident. You contacted her for whatever reason (curiousity, lonliness, etc.) and wanted to find out whether you could get back with her, or at least test the water. Things change in 9 months, not sure what it is you were expecting? Why even seek answers? You already have them, the rest is a waste of time.

Just goes to show those that read these forums how important it is to listen to the experts on these boards. They have such designations for a reason. 9 months of N/C gone in the blink of a simple message to an old flame. Pity. Back to square one.

Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by BMI

The first couple of lines reveal alot about why it is you contacted her in the first place. Had you indeed messaged for the reasons provided, understanding the concept of NC, you would have seen the dangers of where this was headed long before it ever developed.

Also, the fact that now you have reverted back to thinking about her and a new guy and why she did this or that or the other thing indicates that you are not over her. Not by a long shot.

I suggest starting over from square one as the results from this break in NC are quite evident. You contacted her for whatever reason (curiousity, lonliness, etc.) and wanted to find out whether you could get back with her, or at least test the water. Things change in 9 months, not sure what it is you were expecting? Why even seek answers? You already have them, the rest is a waste of time.

Just goes to show those that read these forums how important it is to listen to the experts on these boards. They have such designations for a reason. 9 months of N/C gone in the blink of a simple message to an old flame. Pity. Back to square one.

Best of luck.

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Well, I don't know about back to square one. But I know that this set me back though. Maybe this will help me move on easier since for the past 9 months, the guilt is like a curse over me. But according to her she said it was a mutual breakup. We all breakup for a reason and I know what my reasons were. Money issue was one of the problem. She doesn't know how to save and I did mention it during the breakup. She thanks me for it. It brought tears to my eyes.

Maybe my question is if she is with someone why fool around with me? It just show that she's not the serious type anyway. What if she wasn't fooling around and she still got feeling for me.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Well, I don't know about back to square one. But I know that this set me back though. Maybe this will help me move on easier since for the past 9 months, the guilt is like a curse over me. But according to her she said it was a mutual breakup. We all breakup for a reason and I know what my reasons were. Money issue was one of the problem. She doesn't know how to save and I did mention it during the breakup. She thanks me for it. It brought tears to my eyes.

Maybe my question is if she is with someone why fool around with me? It just show that she's not the serious type anyway. What if she wasn't fooling around and she still got feeling for me.

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Hi Hungtoronto.. Your response is a little confusing. If you want to start Post about your relationship we would be glad to answer your post.
This is about the op... Thanks and welcome back:)

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Well, I don't know about back to square one. But I know that this set me back though. Maybe this will help me move on easier since for the past 9 months, the guilt is like a curse over me. But according to her she said it was a mutual breakup. We all breakup for a reason and I know what my reasons were. Money issue was one of the problem. She doesn't know how to save and I did mention it during the breakup. She thanks me for it. It brought tears to my eyes.

Maybe my question is if she is with someone why fool around with me? It just show that she's not the serious type anyway. What if she wasn't fooling around and she still got feeling for me.

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I am at a lost for your answer to the other person, Were you trying to ask a question ?
These are not blogs if you wanted to ask one, you don't post it as an answer.

But it sort of started as an answer, so I am just lost what you are talking about.

Please let us know

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I am at a lost for your answer to the other person, Were you trying to ask a question ?
These are not blogs if you wanted to ask one, you don't post it as an answer.

but it sorta started as an answer, so I am just lost what you are talking about.

Please let us know

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Very Confusing!:confused:

I have not read anything from what you wrote that shows she is dating this other guy, she told you he is helping move out.

You are making the assumption.

An assumption that your getting angry at her for, when you are the one that dumped her?

Seems these Canadians are well acquainted.

Why did you stop NC?

I agree with the assumption thing... then you took it one step further and actually accused her of lying... double mistake... first three letters in the word assume are what? EXACTLY because that's what you make yourself look like every time you assume... she may have been able to make some calls to get the truck.. she could have been telling the truth and they may have been a friend... whats more important is that you two are not together so she is not obligated to tell you anything... I find that as a woman there is nothing more irritating then getting a text message saying you lied about something when you told the truth... because someone perceived it to be different then it actually was... if you did have a chance at being back together... you probably just blew it...

This is all from your hand. Not hers.
You dumped her, was NC for 9 months, now what?

You can't just slide back in willy nilly bud.
Even if you hooked up again. (which was wrong on both parts)

Still out & now jealous.

Make a clean break & really go NC. Save yourself any further drama.

You blew it twice. By breaking NC, then by sleeping with her again.

You're right. She already moved on.

After 9 months, I would.

She's moved on in her heart and mind. You need to do the same.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Why did you stop NC?

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Because I am an idiot. Maybe that's what you want to hear. I thought it has been 9 months. It's almost the same time that we were in the relationship for. So I thought it's OK to make contact. I thought I am over it. I guess I didn't know my own strength. But hey, we are humans, we made mistakes nothing is perfect.

You're right Van, If we get back together those old problems need to be resolve first which probably will never happen. Although I did the dumping, I wasn't proud of it. The relationship was unhealthy and someone got to do it for both of us. Believe me, I was hurt too, I didn't do it to be with someone else. You know what I rather her dumping me than me doing the dirty work because it will let me move on easier. Since I am the dumper, I am stuck with the guilt.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Why did you stop NC?

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Another reason was, because we live in the same condo. I live in one tower she live in the other but share all the amenities. I saw her kids one time going down stair and the baby sitter told me they were talking about you the other day. Plus, I got into an accident got depressed so I crave in. I didn't tell her about the accident though but one of her friend did and she asked me about it.

Are you saying you are now considering getting back together with her?