He heeps leaving ,bad tempered ,mood swings ,thinks he's right all the time, flirts, thinks he's gods gift, complains, gets abusive, also has days or times when he's lovely, but it's the leaving I can't bear its so cruel, like I don't exist ,what's going on? There's no one else I know for certain, he won't answer his phone, cries a lot for anything,and it goes on, by the way I always run after him never the other way round but I'm not this time ,even though I love him to bits and my heart is breaking we've only been married a year but together for 6 its been like this the whole time What's GOING ON?

Has he ever been accessed?

Has he ever spoken to his doctor about this or taken any prescribed medication?

I have to ask why you married him if this problem was present from the beginning?

Would he be willing to seek marriage guidance with you?

There are many things it could be and only a true psychologist would know the answer to that question... and yes please stop running after him... and curious.. how do you KNOW there is no one else? You are allowing him to treat you like this thus empowering him to continue doing it.. if there is never a consequence for a misdeed then the deed continues on

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redhed35

has he ever been accessed?

has he ever spoken to his doctor about this or taken any prescribed medication?

i have to ask why you married him if this problem was present from the begining?

would he be willing to seek marraige guidence with you?

---

Hello redhead35 no he hasn't spoken to his doctor about this before but he has been on medication for depression which certainly hasn't made any difference,

1 year gone xmas he went off in one of his moods and for the first time I didn't chase after him .It was 2 weeks before xmas and I was left with nothing. I was so upset but I stood my ground and didn't go after him at the beginning of February I went out with friends for the first time I met someone else.he was lovely and treat me so lovely in the meantime I heard that my ex had met someone but what I heard shocked me he took her to the local club where everyonr new us but where he would never take me he also went to the theatre and other places where he just never bothered to take me then out of the blue I got a text from my ex wishing me all the best and apologising for the way he had treat me but also saying how devastated he was well this text played on my mind and so after another 6 weeks we met up I was shocked when I saw how much weight he had lost he told me he couldn't live without me and that he was so sorry and that he realised what he had lost we got back together and for the next 2 months I had this fab boyfriend who treat me so good .he asked me to marry him and in the August of last year we did it was a wonderful day his 3 boys and my 4 attendedand it was good until we got home and then all of a sudden the old boyfriend was back I relly don't know why he married me because he's been horrible ever since

I am wondering why you married him in the first place. He needs to see a doctor, and his meds adjusted and maintained properly. That means giving the doc feedback as to side effects, and the like. To do anything less is inhumane and asking for trouble.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

I am wondering why you married him in the first place. He needs to see a doctor, and his meds adjusted and maintained properly. That means giving the doc feedback as to side effects, and the like. To do anything less is inhumane and asking for trouble.

---

Hello talaniman thank you for taking the time to speak to me.In answer to your question why did I marry him honestly because I love him so much on his good days he is so lovely but when he gets upset or I don't agree about something he disapears when we get back he says he doesn't like confrontation,but I have been blind to his actions and have never thought before that he may have a medical problem but as I said someone mentioned that it may be that he is suffering from bipolar I don't know but it has made me look at the way he reacts to things and there is definitley something wrong with him.he isn't on any medication the sad thing is I'm the innocent party here its hard I need answers as to why he just keeps leaving me and my boys just like that they miss him too and I know he loves them to bits but how can he just go and not care we could be dead and buried for all he knows also I didn't understand what you meant by to do anything less is inhumane and asking for trouble,

Does it make sense to suffer, and not know why? Whatever the problem is, if you both are not willing to address the issue, one way or another, then what's the point in suffering, and wondering??

If he won't get help, why should you, and your kids suffer for that? That's what you ask him. Why do you have to suffer for what he does?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Does it make sense to suffer, and not know why?? Whatever the problem is, if you both are not willing to address the issue, one way or another, then whats the point in suffering, and wondering???

If he won't get help, why should you, and your kids suffer for that? Thats what you ask him. Why do you have to suffer for what he does?

---

That's just the thing I would definitley go for help with him but he's not here we haven't seen him for 6 weeks ! So what are you saying maybe I should just give up on him and my marriage I know what you mean we are suffering and its not fair to my boys obviously he's not bothered otherwise he would be here with us why am I so soft ? Thank you

You can't save him,only he can do it for himself.
You would go for help,but there is no sign of him even admitting this is a huge problem.

You and the kids are paying the price for his actions,and have been.
You don't know when he's coming back or if he's coming back.

Do you think this is the end of the road for the marriage?
If so,perhaps seeking legal advice may be in order.

You are not weak, just hopeful is all, and in a bad situation that I pray you can get out of. In any event, enough of him causing you this misery.

Between the two warring adults, are 7 children, who continuously go through being abandoned. Either physically by their father, or emotionally.

I don't know how old these children are, but I hope they are old enough to know that they do not wish to repeat the mistakes either of you are continuously making.

Only a Psychiatrist can diagnose any mental iillness. To suggest that he has a problem thus explaining his behaviour does not solve anything, unless he gets help.

What you have is knowing what his history is, and knowing that it is more likely than not, that he will continue with the same behaviour.

So, the question is not about love, or some sense of duty or commitment, but more, why do you allow this to continue, and don't put a stop to it once and for all.

Has he ever been involved with drugs?

Issues of infidelity on both sides, in amongst all the other dysfunctions in this toxic relationship leaves me asking, what the heck are you doing, by not taking charge of your OWN life, and putting your children first.

I cannot see with what you have written so far, that there is any hope that he will even attempt to work on all the issues facing the both of you, and the children.

If you can't even find him, what's the point.

Its been 7 weeks now and still no contact,phonecall or text to me nothing at all from my husband! But my little 10yr old has had contact with him through his social worker he is a looked after child who has been with me for 9 yrs but that is another story in itself.She asked him on her last visit how he felt about his {dad} leaving and he said he missed him a lot so she rang my husband and asked if he would see my son and {her words}my husband was over the moon and they arranged to go bowling.When they came back she told me that it had been a bit of a teary reunion when they met and that he had asked how I was and when it was time to come home he asked if she could arrange another meeting but that he would very very much like to see my 16yr old son as well.This meeting was for my children's sake it took place so my son could say goodbye properly but my husband and my son want to see each other again and the social worker said that it would be a good thing and that eventually both lads would probably withdraw from him in time as they get older so I am going along with what she advises. The thing is I have gone through hell these last few weeks obviously he has come out of his mood and now he will be thinking it won't be long before I start chasing after him to get us back together but he's in for a massive wake up call.because after reading all your advice I am in a place now where it has helped me to realise what my life would be like forever.I have read other peoples posts who are going through the same as me and realised "what the heck am i doing" crying after someone who is a pathetic loser who needs help! Not a real man at all but a sad needy creature who will end up all alone one day real men don't treat women they are supposed to love this way. A real man wouldn't have waited for someone else to make the first move when they were to blame for all the hurt they've caused. He should be on his hands and knees to me and my boys after the way he has treated us. I was brainwashed. You really do believe everything that they tell you and you cling to them thinking that you are going to have a brilliant life together and that they will take care of you forever But now I can see a lot clearer. It is him who has the problem I am sitting in my dressing gown looking like something the cats dragged in to be polite writing this feeling so sad and sorry for myself and just letting my life go by but enough is enough. I don't think I have any tears left but guess what I'm not going to cry any more I'm going to get up have a shower get ready put my face on and go for a lovely long walk to the beach. Ive got a lot to be grateful for I have my friends my sister and my boys and now I have some new friends through this post who have made me take a real good look at what's going on in my life and yes I agree I should be happy and treat like other people who are happily married and for that I am very grateful to you because you have opened my eyes to the way he is treating me. I feel stronger and I know I can't go back to that life. I have to take responsibility for my life and my boys happiness. First thing in the morning I am making an appointment at the solicitors for advice on divorce ill be scared because when I married him it was for life. I have never married before by the way I am 54 he is 58 so we are not a couple of youngsters even at this age you are still learning!I will keep you posted of my progress if that's OK and hopefully I can be a help to the next poor victim yes victim but fingers crossed that's not going to be me anymore.xxx