Originally Posted by
Jake2008
This is a sad explanation, in a capsule form, of the state of your marriage. Without knowing more, I'm not going to take a stab at offering help. If you can provide more detail, that would be appreciated.
- Is there mental illness involved here
- What is the nature of the arguments ie unemployment, stress, the kids, money etc.
- Why do the arguments go to such extremes, why don't either of you stop before it gets out of control
- Do the arguments result in pushing, shoving, throwing things; punching scratching, kicking, weapons such as knives, threats with guns?
- Have the police ever been called.
- I presume your children are minors. Has their school ever notified you of problems with learning or behaviour; has the CPS ever been involved.
So far you've made this all about you. It does take two to tango. It takes two to fight to a ferver pitch, where something (in the one incident you describe) - the door, gets kicked in.
You did call the police when he kicked in the door right?
What is your role in this- passive, meek, afraid, in fear of your life, hiding under your bed with your children? Or is it more as a participant, fighting with a man until you are both out of control, and don't have the sense to know when to stop until somebody gets hurt, or something gets broken.
Who have you talked to about this. Your lawyer? Family? Friends? Neighbours? Womens resource centre? Family Doctor? Help Line?
He calls you names when you both argue, the last argument resulted in him hurting your feelings with the names he called you, he kicks in a door, tells you he loves you, and stop me anytime here..........you wonder if HE can change? Just what do you expect him to change- his temper, his actions, his behaviour, his personality, his style of arguing? What do you propose you need to change- your temper, your actions, your behaviour, your personality, your style of arguing?
You are a mother for God's sake! Put the needs of your children first, and do what you have to do. If that means change, by leaving him- do it. If it means change by taking charge of your life- do it. If it means getting counselling to learn how to regain your self confidence, self worth and confidence- do it.
If you won't change you, wishing on a star that he will change without you doing anything, is a wasted wish.
Especially for your children.