Hi I just got back with my girlfriend about a month ago. It's a long distance relationship. We broke up due to my insecurities about myself and my bad judgement. In all honesty I wasn't confident in myself and confident in the relationship because I feel that she might eventually get tired or find someone else. But now that we are back together I feel happy and excited. Especially since I'm going up to see her in about 3 weeks. My problem is that I put so much into it and it becomes a bother. It may not show up but I know it will eventually. Being too mushy and always reminding about how much we want to spend the rest of our lives together and living etc. I mean I know she loves me but yet I always feel this guilt. Even when I make such little mistakes that doesn't need an apology I still say it. I spoke to my friend and he's says I'm just simply trying way too hard. I could really use some help on how to deal with this.

Don't do those things. If you know it makes you both uncomfortable, stop and think before you say it. Try sticking gum in your mouth when you start to say something.

I was in a long distance relationship for 18 months (ages 22-24). It is hard. We lived 1800 miles apart so we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. We talked on the phone, texted, emailed, chatted - you name it - as much as possible. He was so secure in a lot of ways, but insecure thinking I would meet someone else. He actually dwelled on his "not being good enough for me" to the point where it did become a problem.

You will push her away if you are insecure. The best way to do this is to stay active, productive, and keep working on ways to make your life better. You don't say whether you are in school or working, but whichever - focus on doing a good job and preparing for the years ahead.

Also, learn to lighten up and laugh at the little mistakes. It's nice to apologize when it's appropriate, but if you apologize for every little thing it loses its meaning. Have fun. Don't fret and worry so much. Concentrate on enjoying your time with her. If she's having fun, she'll want to see you.

Great advice. I also tend to get upset when she jokes around at me too much. I know she's playing around but I ono I guess it just comes down to me overanalyzing so much. I feel like a wuss honestly lol and I'm just trying to man up and just enjoy what I have without needing to hear the l word from her to remind me of things. Like today when I just texted her to see how she was doing I didn't bother saying it. Why just because I feel maybe I should take a different approach and just maybe say it before we go to sleep together on the phone or when we finish. If that makes sense lol

Maybe you shouldn't plan when you are going to say it, but instead say it when you feel like it. Be spontaneous. :)

Take a deep breath, and think before you speak or act. In time, practice will make this become second nature.

I agree with everyone. It seems like you are trying too hard. Relationships take work, but usually it is fun work.:) and not stressful.

I'm trying to. Like today me and 2 of my friends who know her are trying to come up to visit her. She was telling me to not worry about it and that its OK. Truth is I want to come up for her birthday not just for her but for me so I'm really trying to make this happen. I don't want to mention it so much because its like every time I do its one minute its good and the next its not. Plus she's got a job now and I'm really happy for her, she'll be occupied and everything doing her own thing now. For me I'm trying to do the same. Work hard during the day by going to work and talk to her at night soon as I get home. Being more confident in myself and in this relationship. I guess because I've been played so much its like my past is so hard to just get rid of. Even when I feel like I thought I did. I just don't want to be hurt. But I know for a fact that I do love her and that I care about her a lot. And I'm sure it's the same with me.

I just got off the fone with her. She wasn't talking too much. Like she just felt blah. I asked her what's wrong she just said nothing. Tried making conversation with her but when we stop its like she doesn't talk anymore. Usually she would be full of life and just randomly say something. I tried to joke around but it didn't feel the same. I asked if things are different or is it just me. She said its just me. What do you think?

That's a good example right there. She was just 'blah' on the phone, a lot of awkward silence, and you are left feeling probably a little empty and wondering if her lack of words is significant. Even to the point of asking her if you two were still okay.

That is how it goes in a long distance, electronic relationship. You do a lot of guessing.

If, you had been with her, in her apartment, curled up on the couch, and she essentially did the same thing, didn't talk much, you would be enjoying the moment, enjoying eachothers company, maybe just watching a lousy movie, but, in person, talking had no particular meaning, other than, silence was just as nice.

I don't get the impression that since you've been back together, that you've really had an opportunity to have a lot of face to face time, real time. Not a carefully coreographed calendar of precision timing in order to have free time to talk on the phone. That is not natural to me, or conductive to establishing a personal, loving relationship.

I think it would always be at least somewhat difficult to keep guessing the meaning of conversations, because you only have words to go by. Words don't make up for real live contact, complete with facial expressions, energy, and the essence of an actual human being to communicate with.

Without any of that, you are left disecting single words and sentences, and wondering if the world is coming to an end.

Maybe there is nothing wrong with you at all, but you need a relationship that is more intimate than a phone relationship.

You can't take these blah events personally, as it was probably she was having, or had a bad day, and it has nothing to do with you.

Relationships are full of trying times, and sometimes cannot be fixed, but must be endured. This is one of those things you cannot control (her, or her mood), but you can control your own( not let her mood get you down by making this about you ).

It's a wise man who knows that he can't fix everything that goes wrong, nor should he try.

It could have been a lot of things. It looks like it was 2 am when you got off the phone. She might have been tired. It could have been a mood. She just might not have felt like talking. At times like that, you just offer to let her go and say you'll call again later.

You know what? You don't understand women at all. Maybe she has pms, maybe someone on her favorite soap opera died.

We have our moods and if you love us, you'll learn to cope. You all have your bad days too.

I really get what your saying. Sometimes its like one day we could be having some laughs and stuff on the fone and then the next minute its not really all that because she has her little mood swings. And she tells me about it too. I guess its life in general. Its not all smiles everyday. Like yesterday I worked from 7 am to 12am. I was exhausted and it wasn't the first time I do these crazy hours. She says I'm a workoholic and says ill kill myself physically and mentally in the long run if I keep doing this constantly. But I tried to explain to her that its not just about me not knowing how to say no or loving the job. But it's that in these hard times, you got to take every oppurtunity to earn extra to help out around. I told her that I do not want to be a dependent off my parents. And if I want to visit her and even have these future plans of being with her and living together I want to do it on my own two feet. Im not trying to work myself into a hospital bed. Im just trying to provide for the people who provided for me. And work towards my dreams. Its more than being unselfish. I did told her that despite the long hours what makes me happy is coming home to speak to her. But like I said those mood swings don't make it seem so nice. But despite anything it doesn't change the fact that I love her. And I have no doubts. I just want her to know that I'm doing what I can to make things work.

Life is 10% reality, and 90% attitude, and 100% challenge. Your ability to ADJUST is first, and foremost, and to everything, because anything can happen, anytime. Confused yet? Me too! :confused::eek::D:cool::o:)

That is all it really comes down to. Living my life working and doing these things in the hopes that my dad will retire happy and live everyday, and to be with someone that you really could see yourself with for a very long time.

Hey guys I'm taking this stuff one day at a time. Slowly but surely I'm start to relax more and not work so much. Spending time just enjoying the phone conversations with my girl. She's currently sleeping on the phone right now as we speak. Lol Im going to book the ticket this Thursday. Ive been on and off about this to her that she doesn't even believe me lol my friends were trying to go but unfournately couldn't anymore because of school. So ill be going alone and it'll be all worth it. I feel that by seeing her it'll make me more relaxed. I do want to not just for her birthday coming up but for me as well. She may not be a lovey dovey person. But her being goofy and happy as well as wanting me to stay on the fone with her while she's sleeping makes me realize how much she loves me. I still want to know. How does one stay confident knowing that that other person loves you, without you having to hear it from them every night? When you don't even have to tell them that you love them you just know? If that makes sense. I know but at the same time I feel I should still hear it. Like her telling me it first not me. Feel free to let me know if you guys are confused lol

That knowledge comes with time, confidence in the relationship, and understanding your partner. Different people have different ways to express love. She may not vocalize it, but she may show you in other ways. Try reading the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The 5 ways he says are used by people: Affirmations of love (your way); Quality time (like "sleeping" together on the phone); Gifts; Acts of Service; and Physical Touch. You can take a test here to see what type you are, and it may be fun for you to have her take the test. You'll learn a lot about yourselves in the process.

Love Languages Test

You will feel more comfortable when you understand how she expresses her feelings and when you understand that it doesn't have to be the same way you express feelings. Don't push her if she isn't comfortable speaking the words yet.

Just curious, has she made her own plans, or is this supposed to be a surprise?

No plans really. I had told her at first I was coming and she was delighted and thrilled. It was that because of how much I was trying to get my friends to come that she also wanted to see I held back the ticket. And it was a yes no thing with them. She said she wants to see me but just doesn't really think I'm coming because of that whole issue. Her mother and grandmother especially wants to see me.