Ok... My name is Jason and I've been seeing this girl for a short while. The history behind this girl and I goes back about 2 years. We work together and she asked me to go with her to a company picnic but I HAD to turn her down because of my then current relationship status. I made it abundantly clear that I really wanted to go with her but it just wouldn’t be right. A few months later she started dating and eventually married to another guy from work over the course of a year. I always felt like she was the one who got away because of our sheer attraction for one another. Fast-forward to the present and this same girl is now divorced…. She claims that she never wanted to marry the guy but she felt safe in a relationship sense with him. Now she is in a relationship with a new guy but it isn’t the most stable. The guy is moving incredibly fast and wants to basically get married once her divorce is final. Right now they have been together for about 2 months and it will be 6 months when the divorce is final. To add to that the guy is a Jehovah’s Witness and is telling her she needs to convert or he can’t date her. He also said he needs to limit their time together to just social settings until the divorce is final to keep from getting in trouble with his seniors. This is where I come in. Recently I ended a relationship and me and this dream girl of mine have been hanging out. Our attraction for one another is extremely intense. This is expressed often by both of us. We both feel like we are WAY out of our league and when we are together every minute is like a dream. Again this is something we have both said. After her boyfriend noticed that she was spending time with me he went into strong arm mode. He is spending every free moment he can with her and is now threatening to get kicked out of his church for a year so he can always be there to help her “convert”. She has expressed to me that she has zero interest in that form of Christianity. She doesn’t want to be burdened with what comes with behind that denomination…ie not being allowed to celebrate holidays and the affect it will have on her future kids and parents. She at multiple times has broken down and says that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore and that she wants to be with me but she doesn’t want to hurt him. He is also threatening to get kicked out of his church even more and she says if he does that she will stay with him because he won't have anyone else because he family won't be able to talk to him. I have no idea how to handle this…. The only time we can see each other is when we sneak away and she falls hard for me when were together but becomes extremely distant when they are. She refuses to act against his jealousy…. Though he is right to be jealous… and manipulation. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I have so much more info I can offer but I know the average persons attention span is limited to prob less then I already wrote so nothing is too unquestionable... ask away!! I really need answers

Something is not adding up for me here.

If she doesn't want to date or be with him, why is he still there?

If he wants to quit his church to date her, that is his decision and is not reason for her to feel obligated to keep dating.

Why does she not tell him she doesn't want to date or convert?

It seems a simple conversation where she told him the truth would put an end to it.

What did I miss that makes this not a possibility?


If she tells him the truth it should all be over... shouldn't it?

Got to spread the rep Martiniz but I agree she only has to tell him the truth.

If it is the truth. If she doesn't want to hurt him why is she seeing someone else behind his back? Not sure she's being honest with either of you.

I would stay clear until she makes a decision about what she wants with this guy. She already claims she married one man that she didn't want to. Either she doesn't know herself what she wants or she is edging her bets in my opinion.

I don't get it either. There are too many red flags flying. Her words and actions just don't add up.

It appears to me that he is her boyfriend and she is cheating on him with you.

A girl who actually loves you gives you top priority over other relationships, wants to spend tons of time with you, and doesn't date other guys.

A girl should love you unconditionally,and NOT be afraid to express it to you, her friends or family alike. She doesn't play games.

You really need to re-think this relationship. At this point in time, it just doesn't look good.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nooner52

Fast-forward to the present and this same girl is now divorced….

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nooner52

Right now they have been together for about 2 months and it will be 6 months when the divorce is final.

---

I'm confused is she or isn't she divorced?

Either way, no I don't think you should stay around for her. By her past actions it looks like you will just be another guy she is with until some one better comes along. And that pattern is likely to continue.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by martinizing2

Something is not adding up for me here.

If she doesn't want to date or be with him, why is he still there?

If he wants to quit his church to date her, that is his decision and is not reason for her to feel obligated to keep dating.

Why does she not tell him she doesn't want to date or convert?

It seems a simple conversation where she told him the truth would put an end to it.

What did I miss that makes this not a possibility?


If she tells him the truth it should all be over ......shouldn't it?

---

Ok... see we went out today and Im pretty sure she feels comfortable with him in the aspect that he will always be around as long as she plays by his rules.

The thing about him leaving his religion to be with her, basically pulling her in, scares me... if he isn't into the religion that much then why bring her into it?

Apparently she has told him she isn't interested in the religion and he almost ended it there so she agreed to give it a "try".. which I know isn't really going to happen. She is just going through the motions.

I keep telling her she needs to be honest with him... I think its on the breaking point of it now. I basically said if you can't be honest with him then how can you see yourself being with him forever.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by QLP

Got to spread the rep Martiniz but I agree she only has to tell him the truth.

If it is the truth. If she doesn't want to hurt him why is she seeing someone else behind his back? Not sure she's being honest with either of you.

I would stay clear until she makes a decision about what she wants with this guy. She already claims she married one man that she didn't want to. Either she doesn't know herself what she wants or she is edging her bets in my opinion.

---

Totally agree!! But I think she is scared of how much it will hurt him..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Devorameira

I don't get it either. There are too many red flags flying. Her words and actions just don't add up.

It appears to me that he is her boyfriend and she is cheating on him with you.

A girl who actually loves you gives you top priority over other relationships, wants to spend tons of time with you, and doesn't date other guys.

A girl should love you unconditionally,and NOT be afraid to express it to you, her friends or family alike. She doesn't play games.

You really need to re-think this relationship. At this point in time, it just doesn't look good.

---

We would have never started any of this except he was going to wait for her divorce to be final... December... before he could see her. At that point she wasn't sure if she was into the relationship so we started hanging out.

Also even though its still cheating emotionally... we haven't done anything.I know!! It only makes it seem more confusing!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FoxCash

I'm confused is she or isn't she divorced?

Either way, no I don't think you should stay around for her. By her past actions it looks like you will just be another guy she is with until some one better comes along. And that pattern is likely to continue.

---

Papers are signed but in California there is a 6 month period before it is final.

OK... so new info. We went out to a safe area where no one knows us to figure stuff out. By the end of the day I finally got confirmation from her that if he was kicked out of his church she was going to choose him. So excepting that a thought popped into my head. I read her two conversations she had with me... one from 2 years ago roughly where she desribed why she loved the man who she is now divorced to. And another from 2 months ago describing how she felt about her current boyfriend. The descriptions were completely identical. Also her reasons for wanting to stay with both guys are, in a scary way, both very similar. I think I was able to get into her head that she really needs to consider why she would stay with someone who she doesn't really seem to want to be with. Its incredibly confusing everyone... trust me I know!! But there is only so much sense I can make of all this in writing. Also above all I really don't want to see her get married to someone she truly doesn't want to be with... even if that means she doesn't end up with me!


Again sorry if this is all hard to understand... just think what its like to be apart of!

I am going to tell you the hard truth. You are probably not going to get with her right now. I am learning this fact because I am currently in a similar situation (in love with a girl in a relationship).

The bottom line is, she is with that guy, her reasons may not make sense to you or me, but it is a fact. She probably sees you as just a friend and likes to talk to you about what is happening. It sucks, I know.

The best thing you can do is live your own life, I truly believe that there is an order to things and from the sounds of it, it is not your time to be with her yet.

If she broke up with him now, and got with you, you would be the rebound guy and you DON'T want that (saw a friend of mine go through it recently). Also, there is a good chance that this current guy is the rebound for her (hence her rushing into the same situation, if she is a smart girl she will figure it out before she makes the same mistake) You must live your own life, I am not saying cut her out of your life or start being cold to her, but just let things happen as they will.

She may get married to that guy, she might not, but either way you do not want to be a reason for her decision. Go out, meet people, do your own thing, if she truly wants to be with you and the timing is right she will let you know. Beating yourself up about it will only cause you heartache.

Get away from her and stay away. Thank GOD or your lucky stars that you didn't really get with her seriously. If you want just to have an affair with her HAVE HER WHEN SHE IS AVAIABLE BUT DO NOT GET SERIOSLY INVOVED WITH HER or you willend up divorced as well

She wants you to rescue her. That is another possibility.

She is not divorced, she is involved with an overbearing, demanding, controlling, threatening man (or so she says), who will end up in hel* if he doesn't 'save' her (get the beginning of my drift here?), and she feels responsible and sorry for, and obligated to him because 'she doesn't want to hurt him', or, in other words, she is not a strong enough woman...

Then you come into the picture, and she sees another saviour. You are saviour #3. The husband didn't work out, the religious guy is controlling her thoughts and actions, and you, are the third fork in the road. Flat tires on the first two, why not set you up to 'save' her too.

I am being sarcastic here I know, and I apologize for that. But, in my opinon, and my experience, you are being played.

Take a step back, and really observe critically here.

She is not available.

She is a grown woman, and should be making better decisions. And before you rescue her, think about why you would rescue a woman from herself.

It is understandably terribly difficult to think past the emotion, but you must. She is not available, and is still involved with a man, actually cheating on him with you, while she is not yet divorced. The negatives keep adding up here.

Maybe consider instead, allowing her time to figure herself out. See if she is strong enough to work through her divorce, on her own, and also work through ending the relationship with her current boyfriend, that she has already talked marriage to. You cannot do this for her, she needs to do it for herself.

To me it is a sign of strength, not weakeness, to let a loved one, fight their own battles. As much as you want to be there for her, I advise against it.

When and if she can bring herself, and only herself into a relationship with you, that is a different story entirely. But while she is invested with two other men, and not single, she is in effect, not available.

Agree - Fall back don't on the line on this one.