Well I'm 17, my girlfriend is 16. We have a baby on the way.. just recently confirmed by the doctors. Me and her are happy and excited about our baby.. her parents are the problem. My parents are really supportive about everything, but her parents don't want me to take part in anything having to do with MY baby. They're telling my girlfriend that I'm going to leave her, that she's the stupidest person in the world.. just bringing her down. They told her that she's to have nothing to do with me.. that the baby doesn't need a dad cause they could do it on their own without me. They threaten her by telling her they'll switch her schools, that they'll send her out of the state, they're even wanting to move. I want to be involved in my child's life as much as I possibly can but her parents won't permit it. My questions are...
1. Can her parents keep me away from my baby?
2. What rights do they have over my baby?
3. Who decides who is in the delivery room when the baby is being born?
Any help is helpful.. I just want the best for my baby and my girlfriend.

You are in a tricky position.

The plus side of all of this is, if you can maintain your resolve to be involved and active in the upbringing of your child, that is certainly in the child's best interest. It may not be apparent yet- and it is understandable that her parents would doubt your sincerity, simply because you are only 17.

She is still a child, living at home, going to school, and now about to bring a baby into the world. I think that it is natural that the parents would have a major say in how this is all going to go down, because they are providing support for her, and will be for some years to come.

Is it possible that both sets of parents could communicate about the immediate concerns you have? Maybe if they can be involved with deciding who will be in the delivery room etc. so that you are not deprived of seeing the birth of your child.

In the meanwhile, do all you can to help. If you've got a part time job, start buying diapers, and other things the baby will need. Offer to help out by chipping in for the cost of a car seat, and maybe clothing for the baby. Many things do not cost a lot, but will show your sincerity.

Above all, be as kind and helpful and understanding as you can of her parents, who are right now facing all the same fears and insecurities you are. Most of what you are experiencing now is your girlfriends parents doing what they think is in the best interests of their daughter, and that is quite understandable.

Don't give up, seek out ways, including legally if you have to, and if that is possible, with your parents help, should your girlfriends parents manage to shut you out completely.

For your sake, I hope that doesn't happen.

Your question has many legal aspects that would best be answered by the legal experts on this site. I'm not one of those experts, but I am going to give you some advice. The legal advice I give you is what I've heard from others going through situations like yours and it could very well be different, not only because the situations were different, but where you live is different. In other words, it's opinion only, so don't go to her parents saying "Altenweg said this is illegal" because I'm not 100% positive.

Okay, now that I've covered that, here's my advice.

You're 17, she's 16. What's the age of consent for sex where you live? If it's under 16 you're in for a world of hurt and sadly, even though they shouldn't, they can very well keep this child away from you with the threat of statutory rape.

If it's 16 or over they can't hold that over your head

As for being in the delivery room, here's how I see it. Right now, and until the birth of the baby and a DNA test, you can't prove that this child is yours, so keeping you out of the delivery room won't be hard. This is their child (and she is still a child under the law) and they don't have to allow you in. You're not her husband, you cannot prove you're the babies father.

Once the child is born I'd get a DNA test and than you can push for partial custody. You can be a part of this babies life, they can't stop you, nor can she (if that's what she decides later on) from being a father to this child once it's proven that the child is yours. The only time they could do that is if you are deemed unfit. So get the DNA test, go to court for partial custody, or at least visitation, and be a dad. Pay child support and see your child whenever you can.

Statistically, you two won't last. That's the hard truth. The odds aren't good that you two will get married, have a family, and celebrate many years of wedded bliss together. There's a chance, but it's a small one. I don't want to bring you down and I'm not saying this to make you give up, or to leave her, or any of that. I'm just saying that from a statistical point of view, it's not likely that you two will work out.

No matter what happens between you and the mother of your child, you will always be a dad, so do what you have to do to protect your rights so that you can be the best dad you can be.

Good luck.

I have moved this to the Family Law section where you will get some actual legal advice.

Now, as far as who is in the delivery room. That is up to your girlfriend. Once she is in that delivery room/bed all decisions are legally hers. Her parents can persuade her decisions, but the final decision is hers.

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Originally Posted by anthotee

1. Can her parents keep me away from my baby?
2. What rights do they have over my baby?
3. Who decides who is in the delivery room when the baby is being born?
Any help is helpful..i just want the best for my baby and my girlfriend.

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1. No---but they can keep you away from HER. They still hold all the rights over your girlfriend. In order to get any rights for your baby, you need to go to court and get them established as soon as the baby is born. That still doesn't guarantee that you will get to see your girlfriend, but court-established rights to the child they cannot prevent you from getting.
2. None. But they have rights over THEIR baby--your girlfriend. They CAN move out of state. They CAN prevent you from seeing her. They CAN transfer her to a different school. They can do anything in their power to keep her away from you until she turns 18.
3. The mother of the baby decides who is in the delivery room. Period.

Now--are you in a state with a putative father registry? If so, get on it. Otherwise her parents could move her away and convince her to place the child for adoption--and not have to get your permission.

Next--how are you going to support this child? Please do NOT answer any form of Welfare.

You have gotten some very good and accurate legal advice here. Some other issues to consider. Your girlfriend may be 16 now, but how old was she when she conceived? If her parents can prove you started having sex with her before the age of consent, you could find yourself in jail with a sex offender tag for the rest of your life. Please let us know your general area so we can advise more specifically.

Second, since you are still a minor, you may be limited as to the legal action you can take. I would highly suggest that you consult a Family law attorney to see what actions you can legally take to ensure your rights to the child.

Thank you all for your responses they're greatly appreciated, they did help me with what I had to question. To answer some questions I live in the County of San Bernardino, California. My girlfriend was 16 when she conceived. Im not really sure what a putative father registry is, if someone could please explain that to me it would be greatly appreciated. Im planning on supporting my child by working as hard as I need to work to provide my baby with the best life I possibly can. Both her parents and my parents are aware of the pregnancy, when the telling took place her parents didn't talk to my parents about what was going to happen. My parents asked to know if the pregnancy was for sure, but the day that my girlfriend and her mom went to the doctors was the day that her mom said that my family and myself didn't have anything to do with what was going on so we didn't need to know. So as far as communication between both families.. theres none. My dad is going to go over Saturday to speak with her dad to ask what they plan on doing, so I'm just waiting on that right now. Once again thank you all for your replys, anything else will be helpful.

I hope it all works out.

Can I ask how far along your girlfriend is? Is this recent? Maybe her parents just need a bit of time to get over the shock.

I'm a mom. My kids are still young, definitely too young to make me a grandma, and I'm very realistic when it comes to teens and sex, but I have to say, if my daughter came home at 16 and told me she was pregnant, it would take some time to get over that and plan for the future.

Remind your dad that he should remain calm and look out for your best interests. A fight won't help the situation and I'm hoping her parents realize that you're very serious about being a dad and taking your responsibility.

At the risk of sounding like a typical adult, and a mom, I have to say that I'm very proud that a young man, 17 years old, is taking this as seriously as you are. I don't know the law, but I'm very pleased that you want to stand up and do what's best for this baby. Good for you. I wish you all the best.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I have moved this to the Family Law section where you will get some actual legal advice.

Now, as far as who is in the delivery room. That is up to your girlfriend. Once she is in that delivery room/bed all decisions are legally hers. Her parents can persuade her decisions, but the final decision is hers.

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Is that how it works when it's a child having a child? Really only for the basics of this the 16 year old can't consent too much outside of this procedure. But I know your in the trenches every day. What are some of the rules when kids have kids?

It is pretty recent.. my girlfreind is 6 weeks now. Ya maybe they do need time, and I don't mind giving time at all but I'm just hoping they don't try to keep me away. Her parents don't take me seriously in any way.. they don't think Im going to be around and I plan on proving them wrong. I will remind my dad.. and thank you for taking me seriously Altenweg.

Bad news. Under CA Penal Code 261.5 you are guilty of a misdemeanor Unlawful Sexual Intercourse with a Minor. California - Age of Consent
The good news is its only a misdemeanor.

So you and your parents need to tread lightly here. I would NOT suggest your father go over there until you have consulted an attorney.

I also want to echo that its very good you are being standup about this. But I wonder if you have any clue how difficult a road you have ahead of you.

ScottGem...
So what do you think will happen if they do decide to proceed with charges against me? We went over the whole "did he rape you" question the day we told her parents, so they know it was consensual.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Bad news. Under CA Penal Code 261.5 you are guilty of a misdemeanor Unlawful Sexual Intercourse with a Minor. California - Age of Consent
The good news is its only a misdemeanor.

So you and your parents need to tread lightly here. I would NOT suggest your father go over there until you have consulted an attorney.

I also want to echo that its very good you are being standup about this. But I wonder if you have any clue how difficult a road you have ahead of you.

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Remember that I'm not a legal expert. I have a silly question.

He's 17, she's 16. By law they're both minors. Why is it automatically the male that's charged? He's not that much older than her. He's not an adult by the law.

If they're both minors is it automatically the guy that gets charged? It was consensual sex. I realize that under law in California a person cannot consent to sex under the age of 18, but they're both under 18.

I know the law isn't always fair, doesn't always make sense. But is there a grey area here? If her parents charge him, can his parents turn around and charge her because they're both underage?

Silly question, I know. Sorry if it's obvious to everyone but me.

Actually I noticed that and yes she could be charged as well.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Remember that I'm not a legal expert. I have a silly question.

He's 17, she's 16. By law they're both minors. Why is it automatically the male that's charged? He's not that much older than her. He's not an adult by the law.

If they're both minors is it automatically the guy that gets charged? It was consensual sex. I realize that under law in California a person cannot consent to sex under the age of 18, but they're both under 18.

I know the law isn't always fair, doesn't always make sense. but is there a grey area here? If her parents charge him, can his parents turn around and charge her because they're both underage?

Silly question, I know. Sorry if it's obvious to everyone but me.

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Mostly the deciding factor is the aggressor of the situation. And in most cases like these it's the male chasing down the female.

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Originally Posted by anthotee

ScottGem...
So what do you think will happen if they do decide to proceed with charges against me? We went over the whole "did he rape you" question the day we told her parents, so they know it was consensual.

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If they press charges you will be convicted. But you probably will not see jail time. But you will have to stay away from her.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

Is that how it works when its a child having a child? Really only for the basics of this the 16 year old can't consent to much outside of this procedure. But I know your in the trenches every day. What are some of the rules when kids have kids?

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I think that some of the rules are going to vary by state. But when I WAS a child having a child, it was stressed to me over and over and over again that only *I* could choose who was in the delivery room.

It's a medical procedure, and highly stressful on the person going through it. Generally, it's bad practice to make it MORE stressful by having someone in the room that the patient doesn't want there, or by NOT letting someone in the room that the patient DOES want there.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

I think that some of the rules are going to vary by state. But when I WAS a child having a child, it was stressed to me over and over and over again that only *I* could choose who was in the delivery room.

It's a medical procedure, and highly stressful on the person going through it. Generally, it's bad practice to make it MORE stressful by having someone in the room that the patient doesn't want there, or by NOT letting someone in the room that the patient DOES want there.

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You are EXACTLY right. I frequently have to remove everyone from the delivery room to ask my patient who they want there at the time of delivery and I have delivered babies to girls under 15.

Once she is in the delivery room she is an emancipated adult and it is the pregnant mother, doesn't matter her age, she could be 10... who makes the decisions regarding her treatment during labor, delivery and postpartum as well as the treatment of her baby.

Is it possible, that when the young mother is pregnant, that the parents could apply for guardianship, or power of attorney over her medical needs?

Possible--but I doubt it would get far if she's not mentally disabled.

If parents could make decisions regarding their daughters' pregnancies, they could force abortions, adoptions, and keeping the child---which is EXACTLY where the law stops.

The parents have control of THEIR child, to an extent--but that extent ENDS when it comes to control of HER child. SHE is an adult in all situations when it comes to the choices made about her own child.

So her parents can stop her from going to prom, but they can't stop her from choosing adoption. They can choose her high school, but can't make her stop dressing the child in pink or whatever. They can forbid her boyfriend from entering the house, but they can't forbid her from having the boyfriend in the delivery room.

The mother of the child (and the father, when he fights for rights) makes ALL decisions concerning her own child unless proven unfit.