My husband has a female friend who he met at work, he gives her a lift home everyday and spends a lot of his spare time with her and her children. He has seen her practically everyday this week after work. I was expecting him home at 4pm today and he turned up at 5.40pm when I asked him where he had been he said with her for a coffee. I am getting quite upset about this and don't know what to do as when I mention anything he turns round and says I don't like her. We don't seem to spend much time together anymore as he always wants to ask her out with us and I am really fed up with it. Am I right to be concerned or am I being jelous? I am so upset by this I really don't know what to do! Please help..

I think he is being unfair to you. I don't think there is anything wrong if they go for coffee at work. Is she married?

Tell him exactly how you feel.

You are completely justified to be concerned with your husbands behavior. Regardless of whether he is doing anything wrong or not, what is important is that you are not happy with it and he needs to see that this is bothering you, and therefore put an end to it. If he is having an affair with this woman, then this must be addressed now and if he wants to save his marriage, then the both of you need to be in counseling. Either way, he has to stop spending any time with this woman if for no other reason then it bothers you. That's what love is all about.

Thank you for your advice.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully there is nothing going on.

Talk and tell him your concerns.
Could be her husband is there.
If not go and join them one afternoon when they are having coffee.

I can tell you that I wouldn't put up with it, and could care less what my husband, or his friend, thought of that.

Driving her home everyday, staying at her home playing with her children, going out for coffee? He turns this around on you, saying you don't like her?

Darn right you don't, and I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

Your husband is heading down a path like many men do. Being flattered, feeling needed, enjoying the compliments and coffee whist playing with her children. Laughing, enjoying himself. Have a cookie dear, you're so good with my kids...

Let him know in know uncertain terms that the free transportation, visits, coffee times, will stop, and stop now. I hope that he isn't texting her and communicating via Facebook and IM too!

You aren't crazy, this isn't in your mind, you are not being unreasonable. Time to nip this one in the bud.

I agree with all the above. This isn't fair to you one bit. He's your husband, not hers!

You do need to tell him that this has you upset. If he tries to turn it around on you, don't let him.

I'm not the type to let anyone treat me like crap, so I'd probably say something like this;

Me: Honey, we need to talk. I am very upset about this relationship you have with the girl at your office. You spend more time with her than you do with me. I'm your wife, your priority is our marriage, not a friendship with her and her children.

Him: You just don't like her.

Me: Damn right I don't like her. Duh! Would you like it if I met a guy at work, drove him home every day, spent time with him and his kids at his house, going out for coffee, coming home late? You know damn well you wouldn't like that but for some reason you expect me to accept it? Why?

You have to choose. Either she's the one that's important to you or I am. If I'm not your choice than why the heck are we married? What am I doing here every night waiting for you to come home?

Her or me. Think about this and know that it can't be both.

The end.

Of course I'd probably throw something too, but that's just me. ;)

Be strong. What he's doing isn't right.

Nice to know that I'm not going totally crazy... thanks to all answers will have to sort it out once and for all..

If you read about how affairs develop, this sounds like your husband is having an emotional affair with her. This endangers your marriage and may be a prelude to a physical affair. When he dismisses your concerns he is doing so because he wants to pursue the EA. Read all you can read about cheating, the cheater lies gets angry accuses his spouse of being crazy. You have to take this seriously and take every step to stop the contact.

Put a stop to it. You have the right to know what's going on.

This weekend he spent all day Saturday all day Sunday and all day Monday with her, even though I was with them on Sunday... I'm well stressing!! Going to have to have words but thanks for all answers.

OMGosh, that's sleep on the porch behavior to me.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

OMGosh, thats sleep on the porch behavior to me.

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My husband would be lucky to get the porch if he did that. It would be more likely that he'd come home to find the locks changed and his clothes on the lawn. ;)

Putting up with bad behavior will surely get you more of it.

Like everyone has said you have a right to be upset about this. But being upset and doing nothing about it, just isn't going to help you out at all.

Trust your gut and don't sit idly by while this is going on. You're not crazy, I'm not sure who would like the other person in the situation at this point, and you may be jealous but that is only because he is spending more time with some other woman instead of you.

Don't let him turn this around on you.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

My husband would be lucky to get the porch if he did that. It would be more likely that he'd come home to find the locks changed and his clothes on the lawn. ;)

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With the sprinklers on:)

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Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

With the sprinklers on:)

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And a few giant , hungry mosquitos. Tell him he has to put an end to it. Don't let him flaunt it in your face.

I would do something that benefits me as well.

I would say to him, Every minute you spend with her I am going to spend a dollar of your money on myself.

So if he spends 1 hour with her you spend 60 dollars of his on yourself. By the end of the first week you will have lots of nice new clothes and items and he will have no money to go anywhere.

If he isn't going to spend time on you then he can spend his money

You are jealous that you should'nt be. He is not hiding with you anything so trust on him and be friend with his friend too and live happily. There is no need to worry about anything OK.