Look I don't know where else to post this but I hope this is the write one. I just turned 18 on the 23rd, my parents where together for at least 15 yrs and divorced in around 2006 or so with arguments at least every weekend. So my dad made a promise to stay with me until I am 18 which he did. And know for the past 2 weeks I have been listening to her ferocious arguments demanding him to move and so that her family can move in when they immigrate in September which I don't know how the hell am I going to live with at least 4 more people in which is usually 3 and has 2 bedrooms for an apartment and they have no idea how they are going to handle the winter to come because they never seen snow or a rent. So my mom gave him until Friday to move but today he told me he's $200 short on renting a room and unfortunately two days ago he was stupid enough to give me his damn keys to the house and my mom doesn't want him to stay here anymore which means she doesn't want me to open the damn door for him since all is stuff is here and she'll make sure of it.

And I call him and tell him what's going on and he's sitting at his work sounding like he's going teary and he believes he has no place to stay. But he does have his brother nearby which you only need to take 1 friggen train to get there but he believes that he doesn't need his family and wants to "make it on his own". And I told him this but he and her are both irrational out of there minds because all of the arguments in the past is making mom blind with a single objective of getting him out. So he has no idea what to do but sleep on the streets I guess I don't know what's he doing write know and he believes in on her side because I told him I have no choice. So know like always I am a regret to him because she wanted a green card 20 yrs ago and I don't know how to help any of them rite know I think he was also trying to say he would forget about me.

I'm a little confused.

Your parents divorced 16 years ago, but still live together?

I think the bottom line is that, if they are divorced, each of them should have moved on by now and lived separate lives.

Why are you in the middle of this?

If your father chooses to finally leave, that is his choice, and has nothing to do with you. He needs to rely less on you, stop the guilt trips, and get on with his life.

I hope for your sake that there is peace in your life sooner rather than later, and both of them, can leave you out of their arguments. Your father seems to be putting the role of parent onto your shoulders.

I hope you will post again and clarify further some of the points made.

Psst, Jake;

Quote:

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my parents where together for at least 15 yrs and divorced in around 2006 or so

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Still, that's 4 years ago. Why are they still living together?

You're 18, do you work? If so, why not get an apartment with your dad? You two can split the rent, that way you can be with your dad and your mom has room for the relatives that are coming to stay with her.

Your parents divorced 16 years ago, but still live together?

No they divorced in 2006 but my mom decided to let him stay because she know he would pay the bills, but she believes she can do it all by herself with a low paying job but hey we got another adult and 2 teens and a kid coming eh. He stayed so he can raise me, thought I know he is regretting it because he has blown 20 years out of the water.

Why are you in the middle of this?

I think its because I am the only one keeping them together. I know that if something horrible where to happen to me, dad would have no reason to stay
And I don't know what my mom would be doing maybe live with my older brother. So I could be considered the scorce of the problem or worst the mistake.


If your father chooses to finally leave, that is his choice, and has nothing to do with you. He needs to rely less on you, stop the guilt trips, and get on with his life.

Ehh it's a 46 yr old hardened skull he believes hell succeed in life but hey his birthday is in a few days.

I hope for your sake that there is peace in your life sooner rather than later, and both of them, can leave you out of their arguments. Your father seems to be putting the role of parent onto your shoulders.

What do you mean I never thought of it that way?

You're 18, do you work? If so, why not get an apartment with your dad?

I am finishing my resume but like any 18 yr old I don't know what I want to be so ill probably start at McDonald or something small for some experience.

My dad was getting a temporary apartment until November when he cold go back to is country and find some piece or crap like that and I know the house has everything and ill be here in America struggling while he's in Guyana. Still there's at least 1 brother and 2 sisters nearby guess he's scared of losing whatever pride he has left, if there's any to begin with.

I don't know if he'll neglect me forever because I couldn't open the door for him tonight because my mom was making sure he doesn't come in and argue because she somehow ditched the "you got till Friday" plan. So he's probably in the streets now.

Chris, I know exactly where you are coming from on this. I had a number of siblings but I was the one caught in the middle between two parents who stayed together for the sake of the kids yet hated each other. They wouldn't talk to each other but always put me in the middle as interpreter.

You are too young to be placed in the role of the adult in your household. The problems they are having are between them and they should not be placing you in the middle. You need to get out of that situation and start to live your life. It doesn't mean that you have to stop speaking with them or that you don't love them. Don't let them make you feel guilty. Tell each of them you love him/her but this is between them and you want to be left out of it. You have to do what is best for you and they have to stand on their own and do what is best for them. I left home when I was 18, went away to school, worked my way through, and I never regretted it. It saved my sanity and made me realize that although I loved my parents, I didn't like them too much. They weren't people I would choose as my friends but, they were my parents and those were the cards I was dealt. I think the fact that I left home early allowed me to create solid relationships with each of them separately as we all grew older.

Have you graduated high school yet? Do you have any plans to go to college? I think it would be wise to start looking at scholarships/financial aid and see what you qualify for if your parent are low income earners. You can also look into work/study programs. There are a lot of different types of financial aid programs out there for young people in your situation if you take the time to look. If you are out of high school, make an appointment with your old guidance counselor and see if he/she has any suggestions as to what you can do to continue your education. If your guidance counselor isn't helpful, find a college/university you are interested in attending and speak to someone in their admissions office. Ask them to help you find someone who can give you career & financial counseling and will help you find a place to live on campus.

The best thing you can do is change your situation and do for yourself as an independent adult. I think your finding out that your parents are human, have problems, make mistakes, just like the rest of us humans. Its important to make your own life, and leave theirs to them. They will be okay, as they have been dealing with whatever for a long time and will continue to.

Your mission though is to love them as your parents, but focus on you, and the things you need to do for yourself. I think despite the drama and chaos, that's what they want you to do. Yeah its hard with so much going on between them, but it's their business to handle, so don't make it yours.