Sorry about the vague topic AMHD but I have no idea of how to put it better than that.

This will be a very long post so please bear with me and if you don't want to, that's perfectly fine as I'm just giving you a heads-up.

Here's my main issue AMHD, I'm about to go insane, perhaps that isn't the right word for it, perhaps a mental breakdown is closer to it.

Here's how a typical summer day for me goes:

- Struggle to get out of bed;
- Have a glass of water;
- Feed cats, feed dog some milk;
- Shower;
- Watch TV, ask if mom needs help cooking, help if she asks, set table if not;
- Have lunch;
- Feed cats + dog;
- More TV / Internet;
- 4 O'clock, time to jog, run to the harbour, run back, it's 10 minutes each way.
- Get back home, 200 Push-ups, 300 sit-ups;
- Shower;
- Pickup Book; Play video game; watch TV;
- Help cook dinner;
- Eat Dinner;
- Feed cats + dog;
- TV / Internet / Video Game;
- Sleep.

This pretty much describes what I did the whole summer, days are starting to mesh together, I can't remember what day of the week it is anymore but there's no real way around this.

Been meaning to go see Inception and Toy Story 3 at the movies, no one has said yes to my invitaiton, or said yes and then went with someone else instead.

Should drive around so keep my car in shape, no place to go.

Huge yearly festival going on this weekend, don't want to go but no one asked either.

This is the OK part.

From my earlier posts on here, I mentioned my ex-gf and some other issues. I'm looking better body-wise but that's the only real improvement.

My father keeps berating me about I'm a beta male for being dumped for someone else and not immidiatly finding another girl. Sometimes I get overly mad and storm away for a jog.

A month ago my Mother straight up told me she didn't love me and thought I was a bad son and a disappointment. This baffles and hurts me still... I try my best, I'm doing OK in university, I work out, I'm healthy, I'm quite intelligent.

My other dog died, it hurt, miss him a lot... my cats and other dog do too.

Been seeing a therapist for 1,5 months now, it's expensive and I haven't made any real progress thus far, might be a root to my mother's discontenment, she seems to value money above my wellbeing, frankly I'm starting to believe I am worth less than the money I'm spending.

I've started thinking that I'm worthless and will end up alone. I've been trying to make myself happy even if alone. I found out I need recognition, afection, human contact, the feeling of being loved. Despite this realisation, I also realised I'm not what women want and even if I'm working towards that image I both feel like I won't get there and that I'm pathetic for trying.

I regret being alive sometimes, wishing I had died already.

Well AMHD, this is JK191's cry for help. Please help me.

So why did you delete the rest?

You have posted that you are seeing a Psychiatrist for these issues: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/person...ml#post2404611

- I'm a tad obcessive.
- I have self-esteem issues (which teen doesn't?).
- I'm lazy.
- I come across as arrogant.
- I'm anti-social (or so I hear).
- I'm cynical.
- I'm socially awkward.

What does the Psychiatrist say about the way you are handling your life?

You also appear to be either bisexual or gay. Never easy but particularly difficult in your teens. Is that a factor in your unhappiness? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...er-486909.html

Do you have goals?
You sound bored and depressed, from what little I can see here.

A lot of the feelings and attitudes you mention are not uncommon for someone your age, but it sounds like they are overwhelming.

It sounds like you don't have enough to do. Some research says that the more time people spend watching television and online, the more likely they are to be depressed.

Taking action and getting involved in projects you care about are good antidotes to depression. Also, helping other people; taking control of things that make you feel helpless.

Oh damn... going to retype it quickly, sorry guys.

EDIT: Again sorry, must've deleted it while editing and didn't notice, it's complete now.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

What does the Psychiatrist say about the way you are handling your life?

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Was asked to switch when my psychiatrist learned one of his patients was related to me, for ethical reasons asked me to switch to a colleague.

She's been on vacation for a while but last time she told me physical exercise was a really good measure I was taking.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You also appear to be either bisexual or gay. Never easy but particularly difficult in your teens. Is that a factor in your unhappiness? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...er-486909.html

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How do I appear to be bisexual or gay from that?

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Originally Posted by JK191

How do I appear to be bisexual or gay from that?

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You don't, you are being unjustly judged.Take no heed from that comment.

As a post,I have to add that you seem a lot like some of the people who post on your threads.

Aren't we all a 'bit obsessive'? That would be a trait,not a defect in character.

I think you think too much, that's what I think:p

Your observations that others see you as coming across as arrogant,anti-social,cynical,socially awkward,etc.WHO is saying this?And why are you believing them?

What was the reason you first went to the psychiatrist for?(Please fill me in here,I just started to follow what you are writing today)

I would rather not go back and read what others have posted more than 6 months ago, things change.Perhaps your situation has also.

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Originally Posted by KBC

Your observations that others see you as coming across as arrogant,anti-social,cynical,socially awkward,etc.WHO is saying this?And why are you believing them?

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My ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time), my best friend and family. Why not believe them?

Quote:

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What was the reason you first went to the psychiatrist for?(Please fill me in here,I just started to follow what you are writing today)

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Depression.

Quote:

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I would rather not go back and read what others have posted more than 6 months ago, things change.Perhaps your situation has also.

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Nope, my situation is about the same really.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JK191

How do I appear to be bisexual or gay from that?

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On the thread I first mentioned the conversation is about swallowing during oral sex, making the taste better, and you said something to the effect that, yes, that's what your ex did to you.

On another thread you refer to yourself as a nice guy - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ys-479011.html.

Sorry if you took my thought that you might be gay or bi to be an insult. I don't think it is but maybe I'm particularly broad minded.

I wasn't passing judgment. I was stating the way I read your posts.

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Originally Posted by JK191

S
My father keeps berating me about I'm a beta male for being dumped for someone else and not immidiatly finding another girl. Sometimes I get overly mad and storm away for a jog.

A month ago my Mother straight up told me she didn't love me and thought I was a bad son and a disappointment. This baffles and hurts me still... I try my best, I'm doing OK in university, I work out, I'm healthy, I'm quite intelligent.

My other dog died, it hurt, miss him a lot... my cats and other dog do too.

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Okay, I can't believe your father is hassling you about not having a girlfriend. This beta male stuff is nonsense. You don't sound like a beta male. You sound pretty together, but depressed, for some actually very good reasons, not least losing your dog and a girlfriend. Those are difficult things.

Jogging is a good solution to dealing with your father's inappropriate comments. Your father is insecure and it's too bad he thinks that way and talks to you that way. But believe me, those comments are all about him, not you.

Are you sure your mother meant that? Were you in the midst of an argument? I would tell her that it really hurt you and has been eating you. I would expect she would make some effort to make up with you about that. If not, you have at least spoken your mind, which it is your right to do. Are there specific issues your parents are upset with you about?

Also, does your father talk to you mother in the same way as he does you, suggesting she is not good enough--bad mother, bad wife, etc? That might lead her to take things out on you, or maybe it's the other way around and she is hard on him? Could it be that your parents are embroiled in some pretty severe conflict and are not really paying attention to you?

Repeat these things to yourself: "I try my best, I'm doing OK in university, I work out, I'm healthy, I'm quite intelligent." They are important. Don't let go of who you really are.

Right now, you have to do what you can to take care of yourself, because the adults in your life, for whatever reason, aren't up to the job. They must understand that something is wrong or they would not be sending you to a psychiatrist.

Your depression will lift in time. Exercising is good. Think about who might go to a movie with you or similar. It's possible that your friends are picking up on your depression and don't know how to deal with it. That is too bad, but you shouldn't just do nothing. Any chance your parents would go with you? I went to both Toy Story 3 and Inception with my teenage sons... Or would they not want to do that? If all else fails, go by yourself. There's no shame in that and at least you are getting out. You might run into someone you know.

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Originally Posted by JK191

My ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time), my best friend and family. Why not believe them?

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Ex's will say things that stick to us like glue, you will have to learn ways to cope with this information, it wasn't said out of love,that's for sure.

Your best friend, maybe it's time for a new friend if they are so judgmental of you and your lack of measuring up to their standards, be yourself.

Family? As asking has commented to,perhaps you were(are) perceiving these comments out of context,too sensitive to what others might be saying about you.. Your parents can't be bad to you all the time.Perhaps it was(like was suggested)during a time of stress and things were said out of anger, not caring?

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Depression.

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Has the doctor(s) suggested anything other than exercise?Maybe making a personal effort to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Take down the blinds,every day making a goal of going a block further than the last time you went out, talking to one person each day, not the same one,but a different one, even just to say hi?

Little goals are achievable,big ones can come in time.Baby steps.

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Nope, my situation is about the same really.

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So what is it you are asking for now,since things haven't changed in months?

The definition of insanity(My version borrowed from a 12 step program, shorter than the medical one)
Doing the same thing over and over again,expecting different results.

If the same thing has kept you in the same place,why are you doing the same thing?Perhaps you don't WANT things to change(complacent)maybe you are comforted by those who judge you(empowering your low self esteem, and allowing you to continue to stay depressed.)Only you know the truth to any of this.

If you really want change,you are going to have to make the effort.No one else can do this for you.No words are going to make things work for you any different than it already is.. unless YOU make the changes happen.

I really hope I can help.it's up to you to do the work.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

On the thread I first mentioned the conversation is about swallowing during oral sex and you said something to the effect that, yes, that's what your ex did to you.

On another thread you refer to yourself as a nice guy - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ys-479011.html.

Sorry if you took my thought that you might be gay or bi to be an insult. I don't think it is but maybe I'm particularly broad minded.

I wasn't passing judgment. I was stating the way I read your posts.

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Didn't take it as an insult, sometimes I do wish I was bi but I'm only attracted to women really.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Okay, I can't believe your father is hassling you about not having a girlfriend. This beta male stuff is nonsense. You don't sound like a beta male. You sound pretty together, but depressed, for some actually very good reasons, not least losing your dog and a girlfriend. Those are difficult things.

Jogging is a good solution to dealing with your father's inappropriate comments. Your father is insecure and it's too bad he thinks that way and talks to you that way. But believe me, those comments are all about him, not you.

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Fair point.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Are you sure your mother meant that? Were you in the midst of an argument? I would tell her that it really hurt you and has been eating you. I would expect she would make some effort to make up with you about that. If not, you have at least spoken your mind, which it is your right to do. Are there specific issues your parents are upset with you about?

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Pretty sure she meant it and it was after I told my father to stop being an idiot for constantly criticizing my sister for wanting to go out.

As for the issues, that I'm not good enough I guess (at everything really), though this may stem from me being called a child genius a couple of times when I was growing up.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Also, does your father talk to you mother in the same way as he does you, suggesting she is not good enough--bad mother, bad wife, etc? That might lead her to take things out on you, or maybe it's the other way around and she is hard on him? Could it be that your parents are embroiled in some pretty severe conflict and are not really paying attention to you?

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He does not, he does it to my sister and me. Don't think they're in any conflict as of late. My mother convinced my father to give up smoking and alcohol and he did, after that she's been pretty happy with him.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Repeat these things to yourself: "I try my best, I'm doing OK in university, I work out, I'm healthy, I'm quite intelligent." They are important. Don't let go of who you really are.

Right now, you have to do what you can to take care of yourself, because the adults in your life, for whatever reason, aren't up to the job. They must understand that something is wrong or they would not be sending you to a psychiatrist.

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I'll try to keep it in mind. I was the one who requested to see a therapist, not them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Your depression will lift in time. Exercising is good. Think about who might go to a movie with you or similar. It's possible that your friends are picking up on your depression and don't know how to deal with it. That is too bad, but you shouldn't just do nothing. Any chance your parents would go with you? I went to both Toy Story 3 and Inception with my teenage sons... Or would they not want to do that? If all else fails, go by yourself. There's no shame in that and at least you are getting out. You might run into someone you know.

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I would rather not go with my parents and quite frankly the only thing that I see more depressing than going to the movies alone is eating alone.

Lets keep remarks toward the poster, no room to argue among each other. We may not agree with other posters opinions, we don't have to, we are all free to give our opinions. Please respect their rights to do so

Okay, forget going to the movies with the parents... It certainly sounds like they are not doing their job (parenting).

I assume since you are at university, you are older. Any possibility of getting a job? A paycheck has a remarkably cheering effect, so does getting out from under parents at times.

Do you and your sister stand up for each other? That would be a really positive thing for both of you.

Have you thought about moving out? Although being alone isn't the best thing right now, having goals that move you out from under your parents seems like it might give you something to work towards and look forward to. I'm just throwing out possibilities, not knowing your situation.

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Originally Posted by asking

Okay, forget going to the movies with the parents...It certainly sounds like they are not doing their job (parenting).

I assume since you are at university, you are older. Any possibility of getting a job? A paycheck has a remarkably cheering effect, so does getting out from under parents at times.

Do you and your sister stand up for each other? That would be a really positive thing for both of you.

Have you thought about moving out? Although being alone isn't the best thing right now, having goals that move you out from under your parents seems like it might give you something to work towards and look forward to. I'm just throwing out possibilities, not knowing your situation.

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Going to College locally, I'm only 19 really. On a demanding Physics course.

I could get a job but it's not really easy to balance studies and a job so I'd personally preffer focusing on my studies since I want to get a Ph.D eventually.

Don't really want to move out cause if I do, no one will stand up for my sister and I don't want her to be miserable so even if I could move out, I'd stay for her sake.

Also about me and my sister standing up for each other, mostly me just standing up for her.

This all makes a lot of sense to me. My older son spends time at his father's in part to protect his younger brother from their father... it's similar.

You are in a really difficult situation and you don't have a support network. You need an aunt or uncle, or some kind of adult advocate who will at least listen, maybe give advice, and even take your part. But you don't have that, so you are going to have to do a lot on your own. Not easy, but not impossible.

If you can get through this, things will get a lot easier for you. I feel pretty confident about that, based on what you've said. I think your decision to see a psychiatrist or counselor was good. I hope this person comes back soon and takes you seriously.

I'm not sure what to say about your sister. On the one hand it's good that you are there for her--good for her, good for you. But on the other, it's too bad she's not there for you, although I assume she's younger. Plus, arguing with your parents is going to slow your recovery. You need a calm home life, some positives in your life, and fewer distractions from your school work...

Went through the same things when I was in my teen.. Then I realized that happiness and satisfaction comes from within and not from other people, no matter who they are. And now I am a strong person who is independent and confident. Only we are responsible for our happiness and wellbeing.

I would suggest that you get yourself a part time and somehow mannage it with your studies. Keep it for few hours though. You just need to stay out of that place as much as you can. Also it will boost your confidence when you meet new people and do new things. I think what you need is change and something new.

Every thing is in you hands but You just fail to see it now. You will once you get out of this depression.

I wish you the best of luck.

Re-reading this thread made realise that I forgot to mention that I hate my self-image. I can't help but think I'm extremely hideous every time I look in the mirror.

Am really sorry.am short of words here. Av never read such a post before