My 35 year old alcoholic son has been living with us since his wife began divorce procedures 15 month ago. Last summer he disappeared for four weeks and came home after detoxing. We told him if he wanted to stay with us he had to be involved in a recovery program. He proceeded to go to an outpatient rehab program for 30 days. In the past he had been in 2 impatient rehab programs. He also resumed attending AA meetings twice a week and has a sponsor. He struggles with the higher power concept so has not really bought in to the 12 steps. In the last year he has relapsed three times, each time when my husband and I go away for a few days. He is a binge drinker and once he starts cannot stop. He drives back and forth to the liquor store, smokes, leaving cigarette butts on the deck, etc. When we are home he sobers up and resumes his life. He is on unemployment and attending college classes. Now we are going away for three weeks and we have told him that he cannot stay at our house while we are gone. We do attend Al Anon meetings but I am struggling with making him leave.

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Originally Posted by jjannice

. We do attend Al Anon meetings but I am struggling with making him leave.

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I am so sorry your son is in such a bad spot, and you are there with him. All I can suggest is that you change the locks, inform the police there may be prowlers and talk to a counsellor at All Anon to see if you can get him into a half way house while you are gone. I know changing locks and the prowler idea may sound extreme, but actually you are in a really extreme,potentially dangerous position if he happens to be there unattended.

From what you describe I actually think he needs medical attention as well. His condition seems to go beyond needy to paranoia which is actually schizophrenic tendencies. This is just my opinion of course. We are not to diagnose on AMHD for many reasons; but I do suggest he somehow get him to his doctor for a referral.



Tick

I agree with Tickle. When you check with coucelors about half way house, I would check not just for period you are gone, but get him out of your house period. He is 35yro and needs specialized help, more then you as parents can give. As long as he is with you he doesn't have to anymore then TRY to stay sober. You make sure he has roof,food,laundry facility.

In Alanon they do teach/preach the concepts of enabling,as as much as we don't want to look at ourselves as such, we are.. all of us do this for addicts in our lives,I know I do..

By allowing him to stay,even for the last X months,there has been a certain amount of enabling(as well as support,parenting,, of a 35 year old:( ), and for what?You are being let down each time you leave the house for more than a day.

He has been through 2 treatment centers?and hasn't decided to accept that he is an alcoholic?

He hasn't hit a bottom yet, and when he is down far enough,there has been a cushion there(mom and dad), tough love is in order here.

Time to cut the cord,allow him to either do for himself or fail on his own.

IF, and I stress IF,he reaches this bottom on his own, not when YOU think he has,but when a third party does(someone(s) with no ulterior motives),perhaps then the parental responsibilities are necessary.Until then, how long are you going to raise your alcoholic child?

I have been dealing with my fiance's spoiled daughter for 20 years. Now we have moved and guess what? Yes, she followed and is making our lives a living hell with her constant drama with alcohol binges, and drugs that she keeps making her father pay for.

On top of that, her mother is a "stage mom" and her & the daughter go on Facebook... still trying to get the world's undivided attention on to the daughter. Only now, she poses as a hoochy cheap-looking 26-year old with a website address that indicates her persona as a hooker for sale.

I have asked her dad to stop enabling her to no avail. The ex-wife is an alpha drama queen and it is all very upsetting and disrupting. Any ideas?

She lives with anyone who will take her and drinks all day. Then calls the mom and dad to say she was abandoned and is going to kill herself and needs drugs.