Ive been with my girlfriend for about a year now. I moved from my state to come out an live with her. From the very beginning Ive had an issue the with the way she looks. She wears weave all the time, and has to wear a pound of makeup just to look attractive to me. Its hard to muster up enough to have sex with her because I just don't feel attracted to her. When we are laying around the house an her hair isn't done an she has no makeup on, Im not attracted to her at all, Now we have a daughter an I don't know what to do about my situation. Ive been with her so long that I don't want to start over an try again with someone else, and then I feel I'm been shallow but can't help the way I feel.

This is what happens when you rush headlong into an all encompassing relationship.

Once the honeymoon of feelings wear off what do you have? Either nothing or a solid relationship.

You seem to have nothing.

Yes you do seem shallow. Let the girl go so she can find someone who wants to be with her.

If this was a problem from the very beginning, why did you enter a committed relationship with this woman?

Let her go, be a good father, and grow up. Shallow indeed.

What have you done for the relationship to make it better? Have you really put effort into it? The "in love" feeling goes along with the sexual desire. If you sit back and do nothing, then expect her to fill that, you will only get a temporary high... which is obviously what's happened here.

True long lasting love is when both people contribute to the relationship to make it good. Offering themselves up to each other. Obviously there is no love on your side of the fence or you would feel some attraction to her.

Why don't you leave? You'll forever have to maintain some contact with her because of your child, but you should do HER the favor and move out. No woman wants to be with a man who doesn't love her and isn't attracted to her.

Leave, pay your child support, and help raise a healthy child that is loved by you both.

I am stunned at your lack of sensitivity, and appalled at the superficial value you place on another human being. She needs a pound of makeup to cover herself up, to look attractive to you, and to please you?

You have to work to 'muster up enough to have sex with her'

And you are some sort of stud muffin? Maybe she has to pretend to be somebody she's not, because she can only tolerate you if she's in an alternate personality. I know I would have to be unconscious, and that probably wouldn't bother you a bit if she was...

I cannot believe that you have produced a child under these circumstances. Right from the get-go you've 'had an issue with the way she looks', yet, she managed, with enough makeup, to put you in the 'mustered up mode', and the two of you produced a child.

I am speechless. This is about as bad as it gets for bringing a child into the world based on how you describe your relationship, and yourself.

What you have done is painted yourself as a very poor quality man, person, father, and human being.

Do your girlfriend a favour, go back to where you came from. I think you would end up there anyway.

What's worse... to feign real affection for another however many years just to end up back here... or to callously admit you were never all that into her and you want out?

You cannot change the past. You are where you are.

You are an easy target. Expect to get hit. That said... glad you took the time to sign up and ask what to do next. If you didn't give a damn, you wouldn't ask. That doesn't make you a gem of a guy, but it also warrants some thoughtful talk about where you are mentally.

I don't want you to waste her time any more. You don't talk kindly of her and she deserves more. At least the chance for more.

Look.

I've been more attracted to some women I've dated because of physical attributes. Call it how we are hard wired. That said, the sexiest thing I've found in a woman is confidence. It can push an interest into a hard pursuit. So... I'm not going to pummel you because you are shallow. Others likely will.

Short answer is that you know you need to step back. Be a good father. Try to be a good ex. Expect it to suck for a time. It will. The more you expect it, the less it will knock you off your feet.

Wah wah on the time spent so long that you don't want to start over. Sorry. You need to leave. Stop looking back. Tallying time spent together is rarely a good idea when looking at the health of a relationship... its just too one dimensional.

So... you aren't into her and she deserves to be chased. And you need more. Fine.

Fine. Its fine.

Do it. Step back. Don't act like you did her any favor by spending time on her. You aren't a victim. So stop talking like one...

You want out. OK. Do it. Please? She deserves it. You get to start over. Doesn't matter how much time was spent mucking around. You are here now.

Now.

Figure it out. Own it. OWN IT. And move.

So sorry Jake2008 I meant to "agree" with your comment but got too excited, sorry! You can spank me later :rolleyes: