Me and my son's father was never married and he is not on the birth certificate, however, he does get to see my son 2 days out of a month!He refuses to pay child support or help out financially!! I just recently got married and now my son is totally confused because he doesn't have the same last name as me, his step-father or his step-sister! Im just not sure if I will have to get his iological fathers permission or not!

I would imagine that he has no legal claim at all since he was never identified as the baby's father.

I would think that you should be able to legally change the last name.

If your baby's father objects, let him take you to court, and while you're there, file for child support.

Please pay more attention to posting guidelines. There is a Read First sticky in the Children forum (where this was moved from) that directs questions of a legal nature to this forum. Your 1st response, while well meaning, doesn't deal with the legal realities, giving an example of why choosing the correct forum is important.

A birth certificate is a legal document and changing it requires a court order. A court will not issue such an order without the permission of both parents.

Sounds like you haven't gone to court for child support, why not? You should have done that the moment he first refused to pay support.

Is your new husband willing to adopt?

Yes you have to get it.

Is there any court order custody,
Is there court ordered child support
( if there is not, why is there not)

If he has not been proven the father, he will have to do DNA test to prove he is the father to sign his permission.

The Court granted me full custody & gave him Supervised visitations twice a month ( 4 hours each time)There is also a court order for child support, but he doesn't pay it... we have been to court twice & the judge just tells him to try harder! They won't do anything to him! My husband would love to adopt him & has been around since my son was only a few months old. According to my son, his step-father is his only daddy

Explain to the ex that you will waive his child support arrears and future support will end if he agrees to the adoption.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

I would imagine that he has no legal claim at all since he was never identified as the baby's father.

I would think that you should be able to legally change the last name.

If your baby's father objects, let him take you to court, and while you're there, file for child support.

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I know that Fr_Chuck disagreed with my advice and indicated that I know nothing about the law (and I make no claim to being a lawyer), but I have to tell you that I have a granddaughter that we know is my son's, but the ex-girlfriend did not list him on the birth certificate as the father. My son got an attorney to try to be listed on the birth certificate and obtain his paternal rights, but the ex simply took off and never went to court.

We looked for her for 18 years, but couldn't locate her. She was an Italian citizen, but it ended up that she married a guy that was in the Navy and they had lived for 17 years in California. When we finally located her, the US court had allowed her husband to adopt without consent. We were told it was because he was not originally listed on the birth certificate that he was able to adopt her.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

I know that Fr_Chuck disagreed with my advice and indicated that I know nothing about the law (and I make no claim to being a lawyer), but I have to tell you that I have a granddaughter that we know is my son's, but the ex-girlfriend did not list him on the birth certificate as the father. My son got an attorney to try to be listed on the birth certificate and obtain his paternal rights, but the ex simply took off and never went to court.

We looked for her for 18 years, but couldn't locate her. She was an Italian citizen, but it ended up that she married a guy that was in the Navy and they had lived for 17 years in California. When we finally located her, the US court had allowed her husband to adopt without consent. We were told it was because he was not originally listed on the birth certificate that he was able to adopt her.

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Who told you this? What probably happened is she lied to the court, either saying that she didn't know who the father was or about his whereabouts. They were probably allowed to post a notice in a newspaper in an attempt to contact the father. But I doubt seriously if the court simply OKed the adoption without them showing some attempt to contact the father.

I am curious about how this played out. Did your son get a DNA test to confirm he was the father? Did he try prosecuting her for parental kidnapping? Has he been able to be a part of his daughter's adult life? How long ago did this happen?

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Who told you this? What probably happened is she lied to the court, either saying that she didn't know who the father was or about his whereabouts. They were probably allowed to post a notice in a newspaper in an attempt to contact the father. But I doubt seriously if the court simply OKed the adoption without them showing some attempt to contact the father.

I am curious about how this played out. Did your son get a DNA test to confirm he was the father? Did he try prosecuting her for parental kidnapping? Has he been able to be a part of his daughter's adult life? How long ago did this happen?

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My son filed the day she was discharged from the hospital after having the baby. She took off the same day, so no DNA testing was done. In actuality we have never questioned his parentage. His lawyer did not inform him that he could prosecute for parental kidnapping, so no that wasn't done.

We located her in 2008. She was 18 when we located her, but it appears that the adoption occurred when she was 3 years old.

He's not seen his daughter since she was born. When we finally found her he was able to talk to her on the phone 2 times, but she refuses to talk to him anymore. She knows that he is her biological father (her mother actually told her that much), but her mother also told her that her dad ran her off, didn't want anything to do with her, and that he was a drunk and drug addict (which were completely untrue).

You could very well be right - she may have lied in court to allow the adoption to be completed. I suppose if they ran an ad in the paper in California, and he was living in Ohio that he would have never known.

It's a sad situation, as she has two siblings and a whole family that would love to have a relationship with her, but she won't talk to them or accept them as friends on Facebook or MySpace.

Does he have a copy of the original filing made immediately after birth? If not, he should be able to obtain it from the court. I would send her a letter with a copy of that court filing. Show her that he indeed filed for custody immediately after she was born. Include any proof you might have that he continued to search for her until she was finally located. Explain to her that he does not want to come between her and her adoptive father, but she does have a biological family that would like to get to know her.

I would also contact the FBI to see what the possibility was of going after the mother for parental kidnapping. If its possible I would contact the mother and threaten her with prosecution if she does not tell their daughter the truth.

It pisses me off that a woman would deny both the father and the daughter of their relationship without good reason. And she should get her comeuppance.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Does he have a copy of the original filing made immediately after birth? If not, he should be able to obtain it from the court. I would send her a letter with a copy of that court filing. Show her that he indeed filed for custody immediately after she was born. Include any proof you might have that he continued to search for her until she was finally located. Explain to her that he does not want to come between her and her adoptive father, but she does have a biological family that would like to get to know her.

I would also contact the FBI to see what the possibility was of going after the mother for parental kidnapping. If its possible I would contact the mother and threaten her with prosecution if she does not tell their daughter the truth.

It pisses me off that a woman would deny both the father and the daughter of their relationship without good reason. And she should get her comeuppance.

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I'm sure I kept a copy of the original file on that. That's a wonderful idea to send it to her. My son tried to tell her, but her mind has been poisoned over the years.

I would love to have her know her family.

I really appreciate your advice!

I would word the letter something to this effect:

I understand why you might not want contact with me. It appears though that you have not been told the truth about me. I've enclosed a copy of the original order I filed immediately after your birth, asking for joint custody and visitation. Your mother ignored the summons to court on this and disappeared. We looked for her and you over the years until we finally found you.

You have siblings and grandparents who would like to be, even a small part of your life. So I'm making this attempt to once more have you become a part of my family.

Way to hijack the thread. LOL

Back to the OP...

Is there a visitation order in place? Has DNA been done?

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I would word the letter something to this effect:

I understand why you might not want contact with me. It appears though that you have not been told the truth about me. I've enclosed a copy of the original order I filed immediately after your birth, asking for joint custody and visitation. Your mother ignored the summons to court on this and disappeared. We looked for her and you over the years until we finally found you.

You have siblings and grandparents who would like to be, even a small part of your life. So I'm making this attempt to once more have you become a part of my family.

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Thanks so much!