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Hi everyone,
I am a 24 year old girl, who recently broke it off with my "boyfriend". The thing is, it is all very complicated, but here it goes. Last September I started my postgraduate degree, and met someone. He was in my class, and we ended up in the same working group for all our projects. We spent a lot of time together, and at first I thought he was nice, but very arrogant. Before I came here, I had ended a long relationship of 4 years. I had only been single for three months before my arrival, so I did not want anything serious. I wanted to concentrate on myself.
After our first hand-in November, my classmate, lets call him Nick, kissed me when we were celebrating. I responded, but things ended there. Over the next few weeks we talked every day, over msn, at school, on the phone and socially. We kissed a couple of more times, and I made it clear that I was not looking for a relationship, however that I expect respect. Throughout December, he had a few hard days and he reached out to me. I was there for him, and just before we both left for our separate countries for xmas we slept together. ( I am from the North of Europe, him the south )
We talked on msn almost every other day during the break of 4 weeks, and he called me on New Years Eve. When we saw each other when returning to school, it was like before xmas. Everything was good. Then the drama started. Here is a short detailed run down:
January: I had a really hard time as my dad was suppose to have turned 54 that month. I don't sleept due to many reasons (which I am getting help with). Nick's reaction was that I should have gotten over my dad's death by now. I reacted with ignoring him for a week, which just led to him contacting me a lot and blaming ME for ruining things. And then the comments started. He didn't want a girlfriend he said, however, he got jealous every time I talked to someone he didn't know. Almost possessive. And told me not to play those games with him. For some reason, I took him back after his comment about my dad.
February: things were going good, until rumours started about him hooking up with a girl I know. I asked him directly three times, he denied it. A week later, I am in charge of a huge event. After him reacting to me flirting with someone ( I was talking to my best male friend, who he hates ), I got annoyed. My best friend then told me, that the girl of the rumours had told her that they had hooked up in front of all our mutual friends. (we ended up in the same group) I just reacted with leaving, but he saw me and came after me. I told him to go to hell. He didn't understand why. I couldn't even talk to guys, but he could hook up with others. I left. When I got home he called me on my landline. And apologised for lying. I told him that I want honesty, and I have said that from day one. And that the worst thing is that friends knew about this, and that I still was with him. I felt humiliated, ridiculed and embarrassed. Everybody else knew my business except me. After that he kept on pursuing me, via text, at school, in group meetings, socially, on the phone. He didn't stop, and I gave in..
Things were good after a while again, and I started to trust him. Rumours went around, but I ignored him because I knew they weren't true as we had been together at those times. Then things were really good. We spent every hour possible together, and just enjoyed us. The passion between was as nothing I had experienced before, and the sex was incredible. We were exlcusive, but not official. We spent almost every night together. However, as I see now he had comments all the time. He complained that I didn't take enough initiative, and when I tried, he said no to everything. He said that I flirt a lot, and could not handle me even talking to our mutual friends. He always asked me if I would rather be with someone else. Got mad at me a lot. A lot of mood swings. Controlling, possessive through needing to know what I do all the time. Always followed me and my actions when we were out. Knew every detail of what I did.
Then, one day when he doesn't answer my text. I make plans with the girls, and go out. A mutual friend of Nick and me had texted me, wondering what I was doing. I come to the club, and find Nick grinding a girl in our class who I had expressed worries about as she is extremely flirtatious. I go to him to say hi, he just asks me what I am doing there and why I haven't told him that I am going out. He is cold, distant and just mean. He continues to dirty dance with that girl. I just stand their in shock. After a while, I leave. He tries to talk to me, I just tell him that his actions are not acceptable and that he would freak out if I did that. Some of his "friends" have liked me and invited me out before, and I told him every time. However, it was my fault that they liked me, as I apparently flirt ( I say hi, how are you? )...
I go home, the next day, he is contacting me. I ignore him. At 1am he calls me at home, I thought it was someone else. He calls me names, starts accusing me of following, stalking him to that club. That he thought I was better than that. He is just really mean. I say that I don't want to talk to him, and that he can go to hell. I hang up. The next week he doesn't give up, and he constantly calls and texts. 10days after the incident, I agree to go on a walk with him. He ends up telling me that he has fallen in love with me and doesn't know who he is without me.. stupid me, I melt for him again. Because I had also fallen for him.
The next month is the worst. At first he is really nice, impresses my friends and is changed. He never accuses me of hooking up with others etc. however, then it changed. His mood changed a lot, and let it go out on me. He told me that I should be glad he likes big asses.. that I am cold, that I am a big flirt, that I am his, that he expects more of me, that he is disappointed in me, accuses me of hooking up with his friends.. its like a roller coaster. I would go out with friends, or not talk to him enough, and he would flipp out. Really mean and he used all my insecurities against me. Always pointing out my weaknesses, and attacked my most precious interest. Like sports, that I suck...
It came to to a point were I was changing myself and I was so scared of losing him, because I thought I didn't deserve better. One day we are at a beer festival, I am with my friends. After that we go to my place, and the second we are inside he stars with the accusations of me flirting with everyone else and not talking to him ( I tried, but he was extremely grumpy). My passion for him just ignores it, and we try to have sex. However, I am too sore, so we cant. We fall asleep. The next morning, he just wakes up, is mean to me, and blames me for breaking his penis. I had barely woken up. When he towers over me in bed, his hand is extremely close and he is aggressive. He shouts at me, asks me what is wrong, why I messed up the night before etc. I start to shake, and he leaves. He didn't touch me, but it was close. And he knew that I get scared when a bigger guy comes up in my face like that, his hands close. Who doesn't? That moment I decide that I am done.
That night, he finds me the first time I am alone at our college bar, and asks me if I am mad at him, and why. I get pissed at him, and shout at him. I leave. That night I am out with friends, and he ends up at the same place. I ignore him, and leave. In the middle of the night he call me on my landline, and starts this tirade about stuff he doesn't like about me. That I overreacted etc.. I tell him that if I am so horrible, then why does he want to be with me. He says that he doesn't want to loose me, and that is shouldn't ruin this over a little thing like this. I tell him that I do think I can do this anymore. He gets mad. I hang up. The next day he flirts with girls in front of me, and two day later I am watching a match with my spanish friends who he hates. He turns up with a new girl. He knew I was going to be there, and he stands right in front of me.. that hurt. Its just so low.
I never talk to him again. But I am scared. What happened that morning when he was aggressive scared me, and think I have been emotionally abused. Everything is becoming clearer to me, but it hurts so much still. I deleted him from Facebook, and he got furious. Sent me messages with arguments why I should talk to him, and why I am stupid. Now he is contacting my friends to figure out what is happening, and why I am not talking to him.
How do I get to be myself again? Have I been emotionally abused? The more I read the more certain am I. He has all the signs. How do I move on? My feelings for him are gone, but I am so scared. I am just so happy I had the strength to get away from him, before it was too late.
If anyone recognises themselves in this story, tell me. Ending it with him, was my best decision. I no longer wake up with a fear of that I have done something wrong, my confidence is coming back and as everybody else, including his friends, tell me, I am in a different league. Both appearance wise, and personality. However, I am struggling with sleeping because I think about that morning all the time. Every time I see his name somewhere I shake.
Thank you for reading, if you were able to finish it. I am sorry it is so long, but yeah, a lot of things happened. I am lost for words I think.
