I live in Ontario and am 16 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby and I have only been together for 6 and a half months. I have two children that I have 100% of the time (their father is not interested) and he has his two children 50% of the time. He confided in me once that the only reason he wanted his kids 50% of the time was to avoid paying child support). At any rate, things happened way to fast between us, him and his two children moved into my house (that I own, he was living at his mothers) 2 months ago. I finally started seeing his "true colors" and told him the I thought we moved in together a little too soon and that we needed to talk about it. I came home to all of his stuff gone, and some of my stuff as well. He is now saying that once that baby is born her wants it 50% of the time like he has his other two. I completely am NOT OK with that, I will be breastfeeding and taking a year of maternity leave. I told him I will agree to him coming to visit once or twice a week when his schedule allows it and when the baby gets old we'd dicuss him taking it for a few hours at a time to start, and he said NO the wants it 50% of the time and he'll see me in court. HELP! I'M freaking!! Oh and I forgot to mention his drinking and substance abuse problem and anger issues. Any advice would be so very welcome, I have been having high anxiety for 4 days now about this whole thing and am so worried about the baby. Is it not in the best interest of the baby to bond with the mother who is breasfeeding then being ripped away from her every second week? I am in no way denying him access to his child, but what he is asking is ridiculous... is it not?

Only the Court knows if his request is ridiculous and the way to find out is wait until the child is born, wait until he takes you to Court for visitation and/or custody, present a defense and see what the Court determines.

I am somewhat concerned that you knew he has custody of his children 50% of the time in order to avoid paying support and got pregnant by him? Did you think your child would receive different treatment from him?

At any rate - if you are breastfeeding, no, he can't have the baby half the time BUT only the Court knows 100% what is in the CHILD'S best interest. Eventually, of course, the child will not be breastfeeding and then it's a whole new ballgame.

Hi, thank you for your response. I didn't know at the time or before I got pregnant that this was the case. I only found out the reason he has his kids 50% of the time when he was saying he wanted the baby 50% of the time (so he doesn't have to pay). We also thought at the time in the beginning things were going great and wanted to believe we would be together for the long shot, but he changed or because who he really was... and I do not believe in abortion what so ever, even though he suggested it twice. Which is another reason why I don't know why he wants the baby 50-50.

Also his ex had only agreed to the arrangement because she wanted time to herself as well (not knowing that he just didn't want to pay support) It didn't go through court or anything like that, her lawyer wrote up a separation agreement and they both signed it (him without a lawyer because he couldn't/can't afford one).

I hope this additional information helps and doesn't make me look so bad! This baby is a great thing for both of us and I just don't want him to overreact anymore and waste money on fighting me for something that he won't get.

What you need to do is document his drinking, substance abuse and anger issues.

I will start a log, starting with last week when he got drunk and stoned during the day when he was watching all four kids while I shopped for groceries and supplies. I was not a happy camper and that's was the start to the end. (Not to mention the Friday before he drove drunk with his kids in the car, I found out after the fact and was furious) Thank you for that advice.

Prepare yourself for a case, because once the baby stops breastfeeding his time with him will increase and the chance for 50% custody could happen. I don't know what state you live in, but some states have minimum guidelines for visitation rights and its standard that they get a certain # of hours a week until they are 2 or 3 and then sleepovers and the everyother weekend stuff can begin. If you think that his behavior can really help you define him in court, then start documenting everything and I mean everything. And prepare yourself for the stress and financial burden of court (you can defend yourself.. but its likely that a lawyer will be beneficial).

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Originally Posted by liveok

prepare yourself for a case, because once the baby stops breastfeeding his time with him will increase and the chance for 50% custody could happen. I dont know what state you live in, but some states have minimum guidelines for visitation rights and its standard that they get a certain # of hours a week until they are 2 or 3 and then sleepovers and the everyother weekend stuff can begin. If you think that his behavior can really help you define him in court, then start documenting everything and I mean everything. And prepare yourself for the stress and financial burden of court (you can defend yourself..but its likely that a lawyer will be beneficial).

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Do you have any links as to the States that have set minimum guidelines? That is the first Ive heard of it.

I lived in Utah when my son was born. Utah Code

OK, Utah has such guidelines, thank you for providing that. But you did mention "some" states. Do you have any others?

And remember the OP indicated Ontario.

Hate to argue the fine points but these are not actual guidelines. What this is is a state approved parenting plan at the minimum level. So this is a worst case type of thing.

30-3-32. Parent-time -- Intent -- Policy -- Definitions.
(1) It is the intent of the Legislature to promote parent-time at a level consistent with all parties' interests.


So if the parent has no interest then those would be the minimum levels they would be granted. But as is stated. If one parent wants more time and the other parent disagrees then there is grounds for more time to be fought over in court.

But at least they are trying. At some level to put it in writing. In no way should those limits be looked at as the normal visitation time granted.

And thanks for the link it was an interesting read.

I live in ontario Canada, I'm not sure how different the laws are here from the U.S. I just want to stress that in no way am I ever going to deny him access or visitation or custody of the baby/child, my first two kids dad is a total dead beat and hasn't even made contact with us for 3 years and I hate it and in no way want that for the new baby especially when he is expressing interest in him/her. My only issue is him taking the child 50% of the time just so he doesn't have to pay support. He works until 8:30-9:00pm (10 to 12 hour days) most nights (up to 6 days a week including every other weekend) and I work until from 7:00 - 3:00 Monday to Friday, it makes more sense for the baby/child to be with a parent rather then in daycare for the entire day when the other parents is perfectly able and willing to care for the child on a full time basis... again not saying that I would ever deny him his weekends off or his days off. I hope this makes sense and I'm not over reacting, it's only what make sense for the baby/child. We are both very excited for the arrival of her/him, we will just be living seperatley for the time being.