Ask Me Help Desk - Hello,I am new here and have a question

so,as you see by my user name my name isn't Matt lol,just a random one I have chosen.

I am currently 19 years old,my girlfriend is 19 as well,and unlike most younger people our age,we have been together since we were 16,it will be 4 years December 12th.We were great friends for years before our relationship started,we both secretly adored each other but was un-aware the other felt the same way.Neither one of us is each others first,I was with three other girls she was with two guys before me,both were sexual for her and all three were for me.

I love this girl with all my heart,I didn't even know it was possible to feel this way about someone(I know that sounds stupid and makes me sound like a pansy),she tells me the same everyday.. we have only had one fight in 4 years,and even that was a small one (over money issues,an energy drink to be exact LOL)
We both graduated together last year,and then moved 4000kms away from home with my parents and two brothers.It was great for the first few months living together and all and by all means still is,but there are some issues about her I would like some advice on.

First off,our sexual relationship has gone from minimum once a day to 3 times a month if I'm lucky.she doesn't know why this happened,she switched birth control and is constantly tired and doesn't ever feel like doing it anymore,it upsets her more than me and I try to tell her it isn't a big deal to me but she cries about it constantly and constantly tells me sorry even though it try to tell her it is okay.

this is my biggest issue.Neither one of us has made any friends since we have been here(1yr) and she has no one but me here.this makes me feel terrible,I constantly feel as if I took her away from everything she loved and I have had that confirmed this week.She is currently on vacation to visit friends and family,and from what she has been telling me she is having more fun in the past three days than she has with me in a whole year,she won't come right out and say it but I'm not stupid lol.I love this girl more than anything and I know she feels the same,I was planning on purposing to her for Christmas,but now Ive been thinking that maybe I should tell her to move back home and let her find someone there.

Basically what I'm saying is that I don't know if it was right of me to bring her so far away from everything she has ever known,is it normal for people to do this?where we are from is a small town with no future prospects for work,here she has a job,we have a car finally,a place of our own,we both work etc,but I can't help feeling she is unhappy,not with me but the whole situation here.I am a smart person as well as her so I can't see her coming here if she didn't feel right about it but this vacation thing has made me realize just how unhappy she must be here.

please I know my post doesn't make much sense but any and all advice on this situation would be helpful,and to the people who think we are to young for things like this,like I said we have been together for almost 4 years with never any problems,and we are both mature for our age,we aren't partyiers(anymore LOL),I haven't even drank since January 2009.thank you:)

Did you try talking to her about it? You sound mature and you must have a conversation with her to see what she really wants or find out together what you really want. All you say actually made sense, I think you should tell her... Maybe moving somewhere else together? Just an idea.

Hi, fake-name Matt --

What you did was take a too young, unweaned puppy away from her mother and littermates and then didn't take her for walks and to the dog park and to puppy classes. You just dislocated her, and she stayed, depressed, in her crate most of the time in her new home.

If she is willing to return to you, what can you do to make her life more interesting and help her make friends?

If she wants to stay home, will your love survive? Will you move back to her hometown?

I have tried to but,I cannot for the life of me think of a way to talk to her about this without sounding like I want to break up or think she is breaking up with me,she by no means has mentioned anything about this it is just something I am observing on my own,there's a possibility also I am just seeing the worst in things,she may actually be happy here but it doesn't seem that way.. how do I go about bringing up a conversation like this without sounding as if its over?it's a very touchy subject if said the wrong way

Wondergirl
I could never move back there,it's a terrible run down half hill-Billie town that I am not from or willing to return to.she has never mentioned wanting to go back permanently but I feel as if she is lonely here if that makes any sense

Why talk? When she comes back, take action. What can you do to make her life more interesting? (Sex, by the way, begins in a woman's brain and emotions hours beforehand, not in her body five minutes before the main event.)

I am aware of the sex thing lolol,I shouldn't have posted that part its kind of irrelevant I guess.
I suppose I could but I can't really help her make friends,it would be odd if I did and she would probably feel as if I was interested in the girls if I kept urging her to go out with them and be friends

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmattfakename

i am aware of the sex thing lolol,i shouldn't have posted that part its kind of irrelevant i guess.
i suppose i could but i can't really help her make friends,it would be odd if i did and she would probably feel as if i was interested in the girls if i kept urging her to go out with them and be friends

That's not what I am suggesting you do.

Take her places -- to your own friends' homes and parties, have people over to your place, volunteer together at a hospital or animal shelter, join a church where both of you feel comfortable.

May I ask what city you are in? (Then I can look up ideas for the two of you to do.)

What about telling her that her happiness is very important to you or something like that?

If you say that neither of you have made friends, perhaps you could try making friends together - join a sporting team, or go to something together. Its important that you establish other networks and put down "roots" where you are, as any relationship will go stale if there is no outside interaction.

It is understandable you don't want to go back to her home town. It will always be her home though (and am I right in thinking yours?) so it will always be a place for you - maybe when you talk to her you could ask her what she really wants.

Someone once said to me that communication is the key to all understanding - and the lack thereof to misunderstanding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's not what I am suggesting you do.

Take her places -- to your own friends' homes and parties, have people over to your place, volunteer together at a hospital or animal shelter, join a church where both of you feel comfortable.

May I ask what city you are in? (Then I can look up ideas for the two of you to do.)

Like I said we haven't made any friends yet,we aren't party people lol,we both work fulltime so volunteering is out of the question,and we aren't christian lol... id rather not say the city because I'm wary of the internet lol,ill just say saskatchewan canada,southwest

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sillygal

What about telling her that her happiness is very important to you or something like that?

If you say that neither of you have made friends, perhaps you could try making friends together - join a sporting team, or go to something together. Its important that you establish other networks and put down "roots" where you are, as any relationship will go stale if there is no outside interaction.

It is understandable you dont want to go back to her home town. It will always be her home though (and am i right in thinking yours?) so it will always be a place for you - maybe when you talk to her you could ask her what she really wants.

Someone once said to me that communication is the key to all understanding - and the lack thereof to misunderstanding.

We do communicate about everything I just don't really know how to bring this subject up without it sounding like I'm trying to dump her or coming up with excuses to do so.and yes your correct it is also my home town mostly,I have a lot of home towns I moved around a lot when I was little until my mother got married.yes it will always be my home town but the only thing good that ever came out of living there was a select few friends and her of course.

Hmmm, I worked full-time, went to grad school, and volunteered at a cat shelter. What do you do after you get home in the evening? Why aren't you depressed and lonely?

Any talking with her would be to explore ways the two of you could have fun together and make life more interesting -- take a class(es), visit a museum, get into a nature study or bird walks, expand your horizons somehow.

You don't want to get into the "ooooh, you're unhappy with me" thing. That will take you nowhere you want to go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Hmmm, I worked full-time, went to grad school, and volunteered at a cat shelter. What do you do after you get home in the evening? Why aren't you depressed and lonely?

She works in the morning usually 7-5,I work from 1-9 wed-sat,I'm not depressed and lonely because I'm a different personality than hers,she's a girl who likes having lots of friends,going to small partys in general having a good time.im more of a kick back and relax person,I don't usually care about friends because every guy I've ever met my age is either half an alcoholic,a druggie or a punk *** prick who thinks he's the best thing the world has ever seen.of course I get lonely when she's gone,I've only slept for 7 hours altogether since she left(3 days ago) but that's okay.wow by the way you was a very busy person then lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Any talking with her would be to explore ways the two of you could have fun together and make life more interesting -- take a class(es), visit a museum, get into a nature study or bird walks, expand your horizons somehow.

You don't want to get into the "ooooh, you're unhappy with me" thing. That will take you nowhere you want to go.

I wasn't going to get into that at all lol,I know where that leads... I suppose your right I'm quite pessimistic obviously,I imagine talking to her as a general conversation would be the best way to bring it up,we will see when she returns I suppose

Since she has no friends, what does she do while you're at work?

And if both of you could be happier back "home" why not both move back, where you both have friends.

But a move is hard, and changes.

Also where are you living, ( not with your parents I hope)

Sounds like she might be homesick and is not happy where she is. Maybe the excitement of you two being on your own away from family has worn off and it's not what she thought it would be.
You guys are young and started dating each other young. She could be wanting something else and does not know it yet.